Limerick

A very large woman from Dorset
Search high and low for a corset
To flatten her tum and squash in her bum
And still let her drink three gallons of rum

FarNorth

A very large woman from Dorset
Search high and low for a corset
To flatten her tum and squash in her bum
And still let her drink three gallons of rum
She just needs to find where to source it

A sailor called Bob who was bandy

A sailor called Bob who was bandy
Found a fiver and thought "this is handy!"

A sailor called Bob who was bandy
Found a fiver and thought "this is handy!"
I'll go on a cruise

A sailor called Bob who was bandy
Found a fiver and thought "this is handy!"
I'll go on a cruise
What have I got to lose?

A sailor called Bob who was bandy
Found a fiver and thought "this is handy!"
I'll go on a cruise
What have I got to lose?
Or I could have half a shandy

I would like a nice steak for my dinner

I would like a nice steak for my dinner
For a woman, it's always a winner

I would like a nice steak for my dinner
For a woman, it's always a winner
For a man, better to have a Tbone

I would like a nice steak for my dinner
For a woman, it's always a winner
For a man, better to have a Tbone
Even if overdone

I would like a nice steak for my dinner
For a woman, it's always a winner
For a man, better to have a Tbone
Even if overdone
Plus a pint of wine - oh the sinner.

The llamas were running amok

The llamas were running amok
They’d started to race round the block

The llamas were running amok
They’d started to race round the block
The alpacas were cheering

The llamas were running amok
They’d started to race round the block
The alpacas were cheering,
The donkey was leering

The llamas were running amok
They’d started to race round the block
The alpacas were cheering,
The donkey was leering
And the camels were in total shock

The vicar has gone round the twist

The vicar has gone round the twist
He walks with a rather odd list

The vicar has gone round the twist
He walks with a rather odd list
His wife said "My dear,

The vicar has gone round the twist
He walks with a rather odd list
His wife said "My dear,
You look rather Brahms I fear

The vicar has gone round the twist
He walks with a rather odd list
His wife said "My dear,
You look rather Brahms I fear
How about a nice round of Whist?

A charming old Grandad in Perth

A charming old Grandad in Perth
Was known for his with and his mirth

--wit not with--

A charming old Grandad in Perth
Was known for his wit and his mirth,
Fond of practical jokes

A charming old Grandad in Perth
Was known for his wit and his mirth,
Fond of practical jokes
A thoroughly decent old bloke