LIMERICKS 6

There was an old fellow in Fife
Who decided to take him a wife
So he posted an ad
Sounding like a right lad

There was an old fellow in Fife
Who decided to take him a wife
So he posted an ad
Sounding like a right lad
All the answers said "Not on your life!"

So he next tried his luck in Dundee

So he next tried his luck in Dundee
In his search for a new wife-to-be

So he next tried his luck in Dundee
In his search for a new wife-to-be
He bought a cake covered in nuts

So he next tried his luck in Dundee
In his search for a new wife-to-be
He bought a cake covered in nuts
which into slices he cuts

So he next tried his luck in Dundee
In his search for a new wife-to-be
He bought a cake covered in nuts
which into slices he cuts,
still nobody wants him, dear me!

In Carlisle he hoped he would win

In Carlisle he hoped he would win
By offering cheesecake and gin

In Carlisle he hoped he would win
By offering cheesecake and gin
But the girls wanted more

In Carlisle he hoped he would win
By offering cheesecake and gin
But the girls wanted more
And showed him the door,

In Carlisle he hoped he would win
By offering cheesecake and gin
But the girls wanted more
And showed him the door,
Now he's finding it so hard to grin.

Once more, though, in Bristol he'll try

Once more, though, in Bristol he’ll try
Deciding what assets to ply

Once more though, in Bristol he'll try
Deciding what assets to ply
What more could he offer?

Once more though, in Bristol he'll try
Deciding what assets to ply
What more could he offer?
And how could he proffer?

Once more though, in Bristol he'll try
Deciding what assets to ply
What more could he offer?
And how could he proffer?
To show he's a most worthy guy?

Well,first, he could try being 'hip'

Well, first, he could try being 'hip'
Or ask Romeo for a tip

Well, first, he could try being 'hip'
Or ask Romeo for a tip,
But he's simply not cool

Well, first, he could try being 'hip'
Or ask Romeo for a tip,
But he's simply not cool
A buffoon and a fool

Well, first, he could try being 'hip'
Or ask Romeo for a tip,
But he's simply not cool
A buffoon and a fool
An all-round unfortunate drip

His brother, however, did well

His brother, however, did well
With a Lancashire Lass called Nell

His brother, however, did well
With a Lancashire Lass called Nell
He told her his story

His brother, however, did well
With a Lancashire Lass called Nell
He told her his story
of the wars and his glory

His brother, however, did well
With a Lancashire Lass called Nell
He told her his story
of the wars and his glory
She was willing, as he could tell.

So he got down on one knee

So he got down on one knee
And said, "Dear Nell, marry me!"

So he got down on one knee
And said, "Dear Nell, marry me!"
She thought for a while

So he got down on one knee
And said, "Dear Nell, marry me!"
She thought for a while,
Looked at him with guile