Limericks 6

But the rubbish isn't all mine
It is hers and it's his and that's fine
But I know once it goes
It very soon re-grows
But I know for what's gone I shall pine.

I once had a cat with one eye

I once had a cat with one eye
It didn't hold him back, I won't lie

I once had a cat with one eye
It didn't hold him back, I won't lie
He still hunted mice

I once had a cat with one eye
It didn't hold him back, I won't lie
He still hunted mice
They were caught in a trice

I once had a cat with one eye
It didn't hold him back, I won't lie
He still hunted mice
They were caught in a trice
And “presented” to me by and by

An old bloke from Hackney once said

An old bloke from Hackney once said
The best thing he'd done was to wed

An old bloke from Hackney once said
The best thing he'd done was to wed
As his wife was quite wealthy

An old bloke from Hackney once said
The best thing he'd done was to wed
As his wife was quite wealthy
But not very healthy

An old bloke from Hackney once said
The best thing he'd done was to wed
As his wife was quite wealthy
But not very healthy
He’d be much better off when she’s dead!

I’ve a cousin who’s seven feet tall

I've a cousin who's seven feet tall
He really stands out at the ball

I've a cousin who's seven feet tall
He really stands out at the ball
But his partner is short

I've a cousin who's seven feet tall
He really stands out at the ball
But his partner is short
Five feet I’d have thought

I've a cousin who's seven feet tall
He really stands out at the ball
But his partner is short
Five feet I’d have thought
Beside him she looks like a doll!

Our Dad is a clever old gent

Our Dad is a clever old gent
With courage and brains he's pschent

Our Dad is a clever old gent
With courage and brains he's pschent
But his luck ran out

Our Dad is a clever old gent
With courage and brains he's pschent
But his luck ran out
Now he's broke and has gout

Our Dad is a clever old gent
With courage and brains he's pschent
But his luck rant out
Noe he's broke and has gout
His 'get up and go' - it just went!

A blithering old buffer from Bridport

A blithering old buffer from Bridport
Remembered how way back he did sport

A blithering old buffer from Bridport
Remembered how way back he did sport
Now he sits on his couch

A blithering old buffer from Bridport
Remembered how way back he did sport
Now he sits on his couch
Just a poor old slouch

A blithering old buffer from Bridport
Remembered how way back he did sport
Now he sits on his couch
Just a poor old slouch
And his squash's in a glass, not the games court

In the kitchen my husband's chaotic

In the kitchen my husband's chaotic
It doesn't half get on my wick

In the kitchen my husband's chaotic
It doesn't half get on my wick
In the bedroom though he is erotic

Lbc1955 - first two lines need to rhyme. Hope you don’t mind if I tweak it slightly?

In the kitchen my husband’s chaotic
He insists what he cooks is exotic
It gets on my wick

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