Limericks 7

What was your youthful ambition?
I wanted to be a magician
Or a dancer so fine
P’raps a singer divine
But I became a corrupt politician

My father was hung for sheep stealing

My father was hung for sheep stealing
The judge was drunk and was reeling

My father was hung for sheep stealing
The judge was drunk and was reeling
He donned his black cap

My father was hung for sheep stealing
The judge was drunk and was reeling
He donned his black cap
Then threw up in his lap

My father was hung for sheep stealing
The judge was drunk and was reeling
He donned his black cap
Then threw up in his lap
And called for a pint of Darjeeling

The lawyers were really no better

The lawyers were really no better
With their credit cards, each one's a debtor

The lawyers were really no better
With their credit cards, each one's a debtor
They want the best

The lawyers were really no better
With their credit cards, each one's a debtor
They want the best
And a bequest

The lawyers were really no better
With their credit cards, each one's a debtor
They want the best
And a bequest
And charge a hundred to write me a letter

Some ladies on gm said I'm sick

Some ladies on GN said I'm sick
Or are they just taking the mick?

Some ladies on GN said I'm sick
Or are they just taking the mick?
Reported my post

Some ladies on GN said I'm sick
Or are they just taking the mick?
Reported my post
They ought to be toast

Some ladies on GN said I'm sick
Or are they just taking the mick?
Reported my post
They ought to be toast
Do you think I got on their wick?

While happily sieving stones from the pond

While happily sieving stones from the pond
I heard an eerie soft voice from beyond

While happily sieving stones from the pond
I found an old coin that had come from Osmond

While happily sieving stones from the pond
I heard an eerie soft voice from beyond
'Please look over here...'

While happily sieving stones from the pond
I heard an eerie soft voice from beyond
'Please look over here...'
My answer was clear

While happily sieving stones from the pond
I heard an eerie soft voice from beyond
'Please look over here...'
My answer was clear
'I think I know when I've been conned.'

My boyf has just sent me a bouquet

My boyf has just sent me a bouquet
For beating his rival at croquet

My boyf has just sent me a bouquet
For beating his rival at croquet
That's made him so happy

My boyf has just sent me a bouquet
For beating his rival at croquet
That's made him so happy
My adorable chappie

My boyf has just sent me a bouquet
For beating his rival at croquet
That's made him so happy
My adorable chappie
I'm beginning to think he is fey

I'm supposed to be learning three songs

I'm supposed to be learning three songs
For singing along at the sing-a-longs

I'm supposed to be learning three songs
For singing along at the sing-a-longs
But a frog's in my throat