Limericks 7

I'd like to buy a mirror that lies
That starts off by lessening my size
My face won't be saggy
My eyes won't be baggy

I'd like to buy a mirror that lies
That starts off by lessening my size
My face won't be saggy
My brow line less jaggy
And smooths all the fat from my thighs

I met an old friend on the train

I met an old friend on the train
She used to be terribly vain

I met an old friend on the train
She used to be terribly vain
Her face has been lifted

I met an old friend on the train
She used to be terribly vain
Her face has been lifted
And everything's shifted

I met an old friend on the train
She used to be terribly vain
Her face has been lifted
And everything's shifted
I think she's suffering brain drain

But still we remembered old times

But still we remembered old times
Our childhood giggles and crimes

But still I remember old times
Our childhood giggles and crimes
We were the terrible two

But still I remember old times
Our childhood giggles and crimes
We were the terrible two
Made such a to-do

But still I remember old times
Our childhood giggles and crimes
We were the terrible two
Made such a to-do
With our bike rides and crazy tree climbs.

We wanted to be in the Famous Five

We wanted to be in the Famous Five
With all our adventures we`d thrive,

We wanted to be in the Famous Five
With all our adventures we`d thrive,
With Timmy et al

We wanted to be in the Famous Five
With all our adventures we`d thrive,
With Timmy et al
The “Five’s” famous pal

We wanted to be in the Famous Five
With all our adventures we'd thrive
With Timmy et al
The "Five's" famous pal
It's a wonder we're all still alive.

There was a tender-hearted young swain

There was a tender-hearted young swain
Who was madly in love with his Jane

There was a tender-hearted young swain
Who was madly in love with his Jane
He wrote her a pome

There was a tender-hearted young swain
Who was madly in love with his Jane
He wrote her a pome
Which he took to her home

There was a tender-hearted young swain
Who was madly in love with his Jane
He wrote her a pome
Which he took to her home
Where he found her canoodling with Wayne!?

He vowed that he'd find someone better

He vowed that he'd find someone better
Someone who'd let only him pet 'er

He vowed that he`d find someone better
Someone who`d let only him pet`er
But finding a virgin

He vowed that he`d find someone better
Someone who`d let only him pet 'er
But finding a virgin
Made difficulties surge in

He vowed that he`d find someone better
Someone who`d let only him pet 'er
But finding a virgin
Made difficulties surge in
So he spent his cash on a new carburettor

A girl with potions was Lily the Pink

A girl with potions was Lily the Pink
Though some of them did rather stink

A girl with potions was Lily the Pink
Though some of them did rather stink
I bought a bottle

A girl with potions was Lily the Pink
Though some of them did rather stink
She mixed and she stirred