Limericks 10

When I looked in the mirror, I saw a spider
And my eyes just grew wider and wider
It was purple and pink
Did it just wink?
No, that was my eyelash in the mirror.

I've decided to take up trampolining

I`ve decided to take up trampolining
If successful I won`t half be preening,

When I looked in the mirror, I saw a spider
And my eyes just grew wider and wider
It was purple and pink
Did it just wink?
And now we're both getting stuck into cider.

Who knew an arachnid would be my new chum!?

I`ve decided to take up trampolining
If successful I won`t half be preening,
I'll jump up and down

I`ve decided to take up trampolining
If successful I won`t half be preening,
I`ll jump up and down
It`ll sure make me frown

I`ve decided to take up trampolining
If successful I won`t half be preening,
I`ll jump up and down
It`ll sure make me frown
And my jowls will surely start leaning.

An Elvis look-a-like has come to town

An Elvis look-a-like has come to town
He's wearing a sparkly gown

An Elvis look-a-like has come to town
He's wearing a sparkly gown
His wiggling his hips

An Elvis look-a-like has come to town
He's wearing a sparkly gown
His wiggling his hips
While eating fat chips

An Elvis look-a-like has come to town
He's wearing a sparkly gown
His wiggling his hips
While eating fat chips
He certainly a man of renown

There was a PM called blonde Johnson

There was a PM called blonde Johnson
Who's not as lovely as Gloria Swanson

There was a PM called blonde Johnson
Who's not as lovely as Gloria Swanson
However, he has a certain flair

There was a PM called blond Johnson
Who's not as lovely as Gloria Swanson
His hair's such a mess

Going with the earlier one

There was a PM called blonde Johnson
Who's not as lovely as Gloria Swanson
However, he has a certain flair
For making a mess of his hair (courtesy of lovebeige)

There was a PM called blonde Johnson
Who's not as lovely as Gloria Swanson
However, he has a certain flair
For making a mess of his hair (courtesy of lovebeige)
So let's hope that this month is his swan song

What a day! But I'm tired and happy

What a day! But I'm tired and happy,
A whole day wiithout changing a nappy!

What a day! But I'm tired and happy
A whole day without changing a nappy
But I spoke too soon

What a day! But I'm tired and happy
A whole day without changing a nappy
But I spoke too soon
That's spoilt the afternoon

What a day! But I`m tired and happy
A whole day without changing a nappy
But I spoke too soon
That`s spoilt the afternoon
The baby`s not a happy chappy.

His little bum`s all red and sore,

His little bum`s all red and sore,
Keeping him quiet's going to be a chore

His little bum`s all red and sore,
Keeping him quiet's going to be a chore
But a cuddle with Granny

His little bum`s all red and sore,
Keeping him quiet's going to be a chore
But a cuddle with Granny
And dear little Danny

His little bum`s all red and sore,
Keeping him quiet's going to be a chore
But a cuddle with Granny
And dear little Danny
Time with him is never a 'bore'.

Sudocrem is my favourite cream

Sudocrem is my favourite cream
It's left many a bottom agleam

Sudocrem is my favourite cream
It`s left many a bottom agleam
In it`s little grey tub