The Alphabet Bar ( all welcome!)

Must go to Specsavers! I thought your bloomers were a new kind of duster Chewy....and actually they did a great job of polishing the bar.I’ll give them a quick dip in Daz and you can have them back.

No, no, no lemon; you keep them. After 12 weeks of sitting in and stuffing our faces with chocolate, I'm going to be selling thousands of knickers that size.

My word chewy do you have a supply of bigger ones? If not I know where you can buy the parachute version. ?

Oh really Doodle? Do tell. Wouldn't be from that crusty old air force pilot would it?

Please tell me you haven't snucked out of school, Doodle. You are for it!!!

Quiet everyone don’t let on I’m here. Miss Marydoll from school is here and I don’t want her to know I’m drinking ?

Realllllllly! Too late. No wonder you couldn't do your sums.?

She's only had one teeny weeny litre bottle of gin Miss Marydoll hooooneeest. Quick Doodle go and wash your mouth out with Vim ?

Tiny litre bottle of gin? I don't think so! Not knowing Doodle as I do!

Under no circumstances have I had a drink. Smell my breath (thanks cherry ?) . Alright chewy no need to let on. Just because I pinched your full bottle.?

By the way Miss, they weren’t sums, they were calculations .................?

Very neatly sidestepped there Doodle; quite impressed that you kept a straight face too!

Well I’ve had plenty of practice chewy. By the way, didn’t notice you in Miss Marydoll’s puzzle class today. We’re you playing truant with that nice fireman ?‍??

XXXXXXX marks in class yesterday Doodle
Xtra effort today, xceptional behaviour, that is if Chewy doesn't lead you astray in this den of iniquity. ?

As if Marydoll! I'm shocked! Shocked I tell you!

Beware! When Chewy is shocked...the earth moves.

Calm yourself dear soop; I'm as mellow as yellow today, thanks to that lovely herbal baccy you left for me yesterday. ?????. Got any more?

Den of iniquity?? Here? Never!? How'd yew work that one out?? I can't see a thing through the clouds of herbal baccy ?. No really I can't. Where are the windows, I'm blind?

Everyone keep calm. I’ll open the door to let the fumes out .....cherry I can’t find the door either. ......oooh I’m coming over all mellow...

For Heaven’s sake! Cough...splutter! Put your pipe outside Chewy before we are raided by the fuzz.

Going to replenish the footbath by the door.....somebody keeps drinking it all.
I keep tipping vodka into it ( Vlad, our Transylvanian barman keeps me well supplied with knock off stuff, a £1 a bottle)?

Helen Shapiro on the jukebox.....walking back to happiness, yeah yeah oh yay yay.

I've put my bong outside now lemon so we're ok if we get raided again. Maybe we could use soop's herbal baccy as pot pourri in the outside lavvy? Improve the smell?

Just hold that thought back Chewy, I think you need to retrieve your bong quickly. I think lemon might be onto something .... I'm sure I've seen a fuzz car go past and it's doubling back toward us???

Kindly stash the wacky backy somewhere out of reach. How about behind the dustbins out the back. There shouldn't be a collection anytime soon. You can always drape those scarlet bloomers over the top of the weed. No one will want to rummage further...

Let's all sit around looking innocent. The rozzers will soon realise that we are all innocent of any ill-doings and move on...