Versatile Verse 2

Except where he lives they have dollars not pennies
but no matter the currency I'd trust him with reddies

He always pays back whatever I lend him

He always pays back whatever I lend him
Though these days I haven't got much to send him,

In fact, I could do with some donations myself

In fact, I could do with some donations myself
As I am quite poor, on the subject of wealth

But good health and laughter is all I need.

But good health and laughter is all I need
These things help keep me up to speed

My exercise and diet both need to improve

My exercise and diet both need to improve
but I will start soon and my conscious I with soothe

In the mean time I am thinking of shopping galore

will not with Must check before posting

In the meantime I am thinking of shopping galore
But will I pluck up the courage and walk out of my door?

I can visit the Garden Centre and even the Zoo

I can visit the Garden Centre and even the Zoo
But with no toilets open what shall I do?

I could carry a bucket or find a big tree

I could carry a bucket or find a big tree
Or squat on the ground and use a She-Wee

We women prefer a comfortable loo!

We women prefer a comfortable loo
When spending a penny and having a poo!

Unlike that man who wee’d on a statue

Unlike that man who wee'd on a statue
It's really disgusting what some men will do!

I like to think we women are not so uncouth

I like to think we women are not so uncouth
I prefer to wee at home if I’m telling the truth

I know it’s ‘safe’ cos I’ve disinfected and wiped

I know it’s ‘safe’ cos I’ve disinfected and wiped
And I use toilet covers, both floral and striped.

They match with the curtains and mat

They match with the curtains and mat
And provide a cosy bed for the cat

Sometimes the dog sleeps there as well

Sometimes the dog sleeps there as well
She had her puppies there, she had ten.

We thought she was only expecting three

We thought she was only expecting three
It came as a huge surprise to me

I never thought to see such a large litter

I never thought to see such a large litter
You wouldn't think inside they would fit her!

When she feed them they take it in turns

When she feed them they take it in turns
Her nipples are so red she appears to have burns

Perhaps the vet can suggest something soothing

Perhaps the vet can suggest something soothing
and maybe good puppy homes I've been musing

I had three homes planned, didn't plan for ten

I had three homes planned, didn't plan for ten
So I'll advertise on eBay and see what happens then

Good homes are needed as they are so sweet

Good homes are needed as they are so sweet
and they're going to stay small so won't need much meat

I need to find people who are patient and kind

I need to find people who are patient and kind
Caring and loving folks who won’t mind

The mess that comes with a mucky young pup

The mess that comes with a mucky young pup
And will happily smile and clean it all up.

If anyone's cruel I'll be calling Paul O'Grady

If anyone's cruel I'll be calling Paul O'Grady
He's much kinder than that Karren Brady

I once had a dog who was a "Battersea Boy".

I once had a dog who was a 'Battersea Boy'
When training he would do amazing things for a treat or a toy

He loved children and endless long walks