Gossip from around my way...

The beauty salon down the road is going to start doing botox injections.

That'll raise a few eyebrows.

Teehee.

My neighbour has a pet tree. I asked "Why not a dog?" She said "The bark is quieter".

My neighbour Alice popped round yesterday for a coffee.

She complained that my house was cold so I told her to stand in the corner where it's 90 degrees.

The local men are starting a knitting group. Their wives are in stitches.

Fisherman got shut down. Scales were dodgy.

Fishmonger

That young lad in the bakery had to leave.

He’d put a bun in the oven.

Our dentist is starting a garden centre

Because he likes in plants!!!

That orthopaedic surgeon was dismissed because his waiting list was unacceptably long.

Bone idle if you ask me.

The horse in the field next to our house is called Mayo

Sometimes Mayo neighs

My DD was engaged to a man with a wooden leg

Sadly he broke it off

Sally was asked by a hunky fireman on a date

Pole dancing would you believe!

I was helping my friends to renovate their house, when I told them I wasn’t a qualified Electrician, they were shocked

That woman from number 32 always says she only dates famous men. The latest, apparently, is Richard Wilson.

I don't believe it!!

There's a report of a big hole in our road.

The police are looking into it.

Husband just through a box of Weetabix at a spider.

does that make him a cereal killer ?.

Her upstairs went out for a date with a rich man, expecting a day in his swimming pool.

When she arrived, they smoked cannabis, then he suddenly made her home home.

He left her high and dry.

The butcher should be arrested. His sausage is always in his window.

I've just found out I have a long lost sister, and we've so much in common, even down to our very short arms.

She said she's being trying to reach out to me for years.

The man next door accidentally handed his wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to him.

To the person who stole my glasses

I have contacts and I will find you

The two maths teachers aren't together anymore.

They tried, but things just didn't work out.

My neighbour designed an invisible airplane but I can't see it taking off.

?