Limericks 14

A man and his wife had a fight,
His trousers were terribly tight,
They split at the seams

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It's a glorious day in the Shetlands

It's a glorious day in the Shetlands
Now a downpour its became wetlands

It's a glorious day in the Shetlands
Now a downpour and its become wetlands
The low-hanging cloud

It's a glorious day in the Shetlands
Now a downpour and its become wetlands
The low-hanging cloud
Appears like a shroud

It's a glorious day in the Shetlands
Now a downpour and its become wetlands
The low-hanging cloud
Appears like a shroud
But it's still beautiful on those islands

I'll wear trousers and not my fine kilt

I'll wear trousers and not my fine kilt
Though I'm six feet tall and well built

I'll wear trousers and not my fine kilt
Though I'm six feet tall and well built
A kilt causes girls

I'll wear trousers and not my fine kilt
Though I'm six feet tall and well built
A kilt causes girls
To ask for some twirls

I'll wear trousers and not my fine kilt
Though I'm six feet tall and well built
A kilt causes girls
To ask for some twirls
I please them all, feeling no guilt.

I used a hair dye. What a mess!

I used a hair dye. What a mess!
I really shouldn't think more is less

I used a hair dye. What a mess!
I really shouldn't think more is less
This crimson Mohican

I used a hair dye. What a mess!
I really shouldn't think more is less
This crimson Mohican
Makes me look like a pecan

I used a hair dye. What a mess!
I really shouldn't think more is less
This crimson Mohican
Makes me look a pecan
Too bad I look such a daft 'ha'porth, no less.

And oh crumbs, you'd say the state of my bathroom

You’d say the state of my bathroom
Reflected my feeling of deep gloom

And oh crumbs, you'd say the state of my bathroom
Clearly reflected my feeling of deep gloom
There's hairs on my brushes

And oh crumbs, you'd say the state of my bathroom
Clearly reflected my feeling of deep gloom
There's hairs on my brushes
The toilet’s missed flushes

And oh crumbs, you'd say the state of my bathroom
Clearly reflected my feeling of deep gloom
There's hairs on my brushes
The toilet’s missed flushes
And I can't remember where I left the broom

So I vow to turn over a new leaf

So I vow to turn over a new leaf
And pull myself out of this grief

So I vow to turn over a new leaf
And pull myself out of this grief
I’ve taken up dancing,

So I vow to turn over a new leaf
And pull myself out of this grief
I’ve taken up dancing,
Discovered I can’t sing,

One line each Nannytrace ?

So I vow to turn over a new leaf
And pull myself out of this grief
I’ve taken up dancing,
Leads to romancing

One line each Nannytrace ?

So I vow to turn over a new leaf
And pull myself out of this grief
I’ve taken up dancing,
Leads to romancing
And a new friendship however brief

An aging Lothario from Bury

An ageing Lothario from Bury
Took a romantic weekend on a ferry