Limericks 14

Exercise and me aren’t best friends
My good intention quite soon ends
A short daily walk
Not stopping to talk
As on this my good health depends.

I’m sitting here to get my jag

Sorry
I’m waiting here to get my jag

I’m waiting here to get my jag
Though punctured skin isn't my bag

I’m waiting here to get my jag
My chauffeur, he will bring my bag

I’m waiting here to get my jag
Though punctured skin isn't my bag
But it’s for the best

I’m waiting here to get my jag
Though punctured skin is not my bag
With a short, sharp shock

I’m waiting here to get my jag
Though punctured skin is not my bag
But it’s for the best
So I'll joke and jest

I’m waiting here to get my jag
Though punctured skin is not my bag
But it’s for the best
So I’ll joke and jest
And happily try not to gag

A cup of tea to soothe my nerves

A cup of tea to soothe my nerves
There is a handsome man who serves

A cup of tea to soothe my nerves
There is a handsome man who serves
Tea with cakes sublime

A cup of tea to soothe my nerves
There is a handsome man who serves
Tea with cakes sublime
It's such a nice time

A cup of tea to soothe my nerves
There is a handsome man who serves
Tea with cakes sublime
It's such a nice time
I do like these Army Reserves

I am still awaiting my call

I am still awaiting my call
Just like Cinders to go to the ball

I am still awaiting my call
Just like Cinders to go to the ball
I'm in my glad rags

I am still awaiting my call
Just like Cinders to go to the ball
I’m in my glad rags
I’m taking some mags

I am still awaiting my call
Just like Cinders to go to the ball
I’m in my glad rags
I’m taking some mags
For after the jab in the hall

Hope there’ll be no after effects

Hope there’ll be no after effects
My friend has none that she detects

Hope there’ll be no after effects
My friend has none that she detects
I’m scared of needles

Hope there`ll be no after effects
My friend has none that she detects
I`m scarfed of needles
But the nurse wheedles

Hope there`ll be no after effects
My friend has none that she detects
I`m scared of needles
But the nurse wheedles
Don’t follow the deniers sects

So slowly I roll up my sleeve

So slowly I roll up my sleeve
And now I can’t possibly leave

So slowly I roll up my sleeve
And now I can’t possibly leave
My mouth dry with fear

So slowly I roll up my sleeve
And now I can’t possibly leave
My mouth dry with fear
‘You’ll be alright dear’

So slowly I roll up my sleeve
And now I can’t possibly leave
My mouth dry with fear
‘You’ll be alright dear’
And so to that thought I must cleave.

The neighbour next door is an ass

The neighbour next door is an ass
His comments exceedingly crass