Limericks 14

Where’s the hero I’ve yet to meet
Not just any man in the street

Where’s the hero I’ve yet to meet
Not just any man in the street
He’ll have to be rich

Where’s the hero I’ve yet to meet
Not just any man in the street
He’d have to be rich
Before I would hitch

Where’s the hero I’ve yet to meet
Not just any man in the street
He’d have to be rich
Before I would hitch
Or take him, my folks to greet

My mother is full of airs and graces

My mother is full of airs and graces
Likes to dress in fancy laces

My mother is full of airs and graces
Likes to dress in fancy laces
Stockings and high heels

My mother is full of airs and graces
Likes to dress in fancy laces
Stockings and high heels
Nights out and posh meals

My mother is full of airs and graces
Likes to dress in fancy laces
Stockings and high heels
Nights out and posh meals
And she flirts with famous faces

She once accosted David Frost

She once accosted David Frost
His minder told her ‘just get lost’

She once accosted David Frost
His minder told her ‘just get lost’
‘D’you know who I am?’

She once accosted David Frost
His minder told her ‘just get lost’
‘D’you know who I am?’
"I'm afraid not, Madame,"

She once accosted David Frost
His minder told her ‘just get lost’
‘D’you know who I am?’
"I'm afraid not, Madame,"
“I’m the one who pays for your cost”

My Uncle Jim was very slim

My Uncle Jim was very slim
Had a face that was somewhat grim

My Uncle Jim was very slim
Had a face that was somewhat grim
When he turned sideways

My Uncle Jim was very slim
Had a face that was somewhat grim
When he turned sideways
I saw his malaise

My Uncle Jim was very slim
Had a face that was somewhat grim
When he turned sideways
I saw his malaise
It definitely wasn’t a whim

Yesterday, I decided to

Yesterday, I decided to
Stay in my bed, I had the 'flu

Yesterday, I decided to
Stay in my bed, I had the 'flu
It could have been worse

Yesterday, I decided to
Stay in my bed, I had the 'flu
It could have been worse,
Been hit by the curse

Yesterday, I decided to
Stay in my bed, I had the 'flu
It could have been worse,
Been hit by the curse
‘Twas only my nose that I blew

So many symptoms of Covid

So many symptoms of Covid
Sometimes it makes you feel morbid

So many symptoms of Covid
Sometimes it makes you feel morbid
Fever, loss of smell

So many symptoms of Covid
Sometimes it makes you feel morbid
Fever, loss of smell
So say "What the hell!"

So many symptoms of Covid
Sometimes it makes you feel morbid
Fever, loss of smell
So say "What the hell!"
Have the jab and hope we get rid

A defiant denier said

A defiant denier said
We are being led