Limericks with very strict rules.....88558....3

It was lovely to reach the port
The journey across was quite short
The bright sun arose
I'm glad that I chose
Not to take the captain to court.

My cell phone's a pain in the neck

My cell phone`s a pain in the neck
I quite often shout "What the HECK!"

My cell phone's a pain in the neck
I quite often shout "What the HECK!"
When the thing plays dead

My cell phone's a pain in the neck
I quite often shout "What the HECK!"
When the thing plays dead
Messages unread

My cell phone's a pain in the neck
I quite often shout "What the HECK!"
When the thing plays dead
Messages unread
I threw it so I now it’s a wreck!

My wallpaper is made of gold

My wallpaper is made of gold
Why not, I thought, I’ll be quite bold

My wallpaper is made of gold
Why not, I thought, I’ll be quite bold
We sit on the floor

My wallpaper is made of gold
Why not, I thought, I’ll be quite bold
We sit on the floor
We’re furniture poor

My wallpaper is made of gold
Why not, I thought, I’ll be quite bold
We sit in the floor
We’re furniture poor
And we sleep in wallpaper rolled.

Let that be a lesson to all!

Let that be a lesson to all!
Pride sure does go before a fall

Let that be a lesson to all!
Pride sure does go before a fall
This wallpaper nest

Let that be a lesson to all!
Pride sure does go before a fall
This wallpaper nest
Has left us distressed

Let that be a lesson to all!
Pride sure does go before a fall
This wallpaper nest
Has left us distressed
No money left to do the hall

No good me being the Chancellor

No good me being the chancellor
Out goings are spectacular

No good me being the chancellor
Out goings are quite spectacular
Today we are skint

No good me being the Chancellor
Out goings are quite spectacular
Today we are skint
Though I earn a mint

No good me being the Chancellor
Out goings are quite spectacular
Today we are skint
Though I earn a mint
"Oh s**t!" (to use the vernacular)

Gransnet is a hobby for me

Gransnet is a hobby for me
I'm on it while drinking my tea

Gransnet is a hobby for me,
I’m on it while drinking my tea
And more, when it rains

Gransnet is a hobby for me,
I’m on it while drinking my tea
And more, when it rains
Forget aches and pains

Gransnet is a hobby for me,
I’m on it while drinking my tea
And more, when it rains
Forget aches and pains
And smile and clap my hands with glee

I love to meet and chat with friends

Gransnet is a hobby for me,
I’m on it while drinking my tea
And more, when it rains
Forget aches and pains
Discussion for all guaranteed.

I love to meet and chat with friends
Though virtual, humour they lend

Voting on Thursday once again