Limericks 17

When I was young and very slim
I didn't need to join a gym
My waist was that small
Hey Twiggy' they'd call
But that's in the past, dark and dim.

Now, no amount of breathing in

Now, no amount of breathing in
Can tighten up this excess skin?

Now, no amount of breathing in
Can tighten up this excess skin
I need a corset

Now, no amount of breathing in
Can tighten up this excess skin
I need a corset
To wear in Dorset

Now, no amount of breathing in
Can tighten up this excess skin
I need a corset
To wear in Dorset
One with a swimsuit that`s built in!

There`s a lovely beach at Studland

There`s a lovely beach at Studland
With a very long stretch of sand

There`s a lovely beach at Studland
With a very long stretch of sand
The cafe’s inviting

There`s a lovely beach at Studland
With a very long stretch of sand
The cafe’s inviting
The children are kiting ?

There`s a lovely beach at Studland
With a very long stretch of sand
The cafe’s inviting
The children are kiting ?
The sea is so warm and so grand.

But not now it's winter, of course

But not now it's winter, of course
The wind is blowing full force ?

But not now it's winter, of course
The wind is blowing full force
Though some hardy folk

But not now it's winter, of course
The wind is blowing full force
Though some hardy folk
Attempt the breaststroke

But not now it's winter, of course
The wind is blowing full force
Though some hardy folk
Attempt the breaststroke
Their wives are threatening divorce.

Let's all sing a carol today

Let's all sing a carol today
And we'll be jolly, come what may

Let's all sing a carol today
And we'll be jolly, come what may
We’ve had our boosters

Let's all sing a carol today
And we'll be jolly, come what may
We’ve had our boosters
Let's crow like roosters

Let's all sing a carol today
And we'll be jolly, come what may
We’ve had our boosters
Let's crow like roosters
And give the NHS a bouquet

I can’t face another Lockdown

I can’t face another Lockdown
I’ll probably have a breakdown

I can’t face another Lockdown
I’ll probably have a breakdown
Shut off from my friends

I can`t face another lockdown
I`ll probably have a breakdown
Shut off from my friends
I`ll go round the bend

I can`t face another lockdown
I`ll probably have a breakdown
Shut off from my friends
I`ll go round the bend
Just the thought is making me frown.

I want to be joyful and free

I want to be joyful and free
If I could, I’d climb up a tree

I want to be joyful and free
If I could, I'd climb up a tree
So high in the air

I want to be joyful and free
If I could, I’d climb up a tree
So high in the air
And no, not a care

I want to be joyful and free
If I could, I’d climb up a tree
So high in the air
And no, not a care
But I’d never climb with this knee!

When Santa Claus’ favourite elf