Limericks 17

This old lady tried Pilates
But she'd eaten too many tatties
The cellulite had increased
Dietician was displeased

This old lady tried Pilates
But she’d eaten too many tattoos
The cellulite had increased
Dietitian was displeased
She wouldn’t give up her parties

Life is what you make it,they say

Life is what you make it, they say
Take what you want but always pay

Life is what you make it, they say
Take what you want but always pay
Karma has a way of making
You return what you are taking

Life is what you make it, they say
Take what you want but always pay
Karma has a way of making
You return what you are taking
So try to do good with your day.

Mum said, "Your sins will find you out"

Mum said, "Your sins will find you out"
Of this there certainly is no doubt

Be kind to others as you journey through life

Be kind to others as you journey through life
It’s best to avoid all trouble and strife

Be kind to others as you journey through life
It’s best to avoid all trouble and strife
The folks that you meet on the way up the ladder
You may meet coming down, which is very much sadder

Very true....but to keep the Limerick rhythm ...

Be kind to others as you journey through life
It’s best to avoid all trouble and strife
Respect those you meet

Be kind to others as you journey through life
It’s best to avoid all trouble and strife
Respect those you meet
Be honest, don't cheat

Be kind to others as you journey through life
It’s best to avoid all trouble and strife
Respect those you meet
Be honest, don't cheat
And always be nice to your wife.

88558 syllables

Or a husband, if you have one

Or a husband, if you have one
He will stay , but not just for fun

Or a husband, if you have one
He will stay , but not just for fun

This may be said with laughter
Men like to be looked after

Or a husband, if you have one
He will stay , but not just for fun
'Tis said with laughter
He'd be looked after
Yes better if you like him Hun

It will all come out in the wash

It will all come out in the wash
Oh! Even the blackcurrant squash?

It will all come out in the wash
Oh! Even the blackcurrant squash?
Perhaps with Vanish

It will all come out in the wash
Oh! Even the blackcurrant squash?
Perhaps with Vanish
The stain you’ll banish

It will all come out in the wash
Oh! Even the blackcurrant squash?
Perhaps with Vanish
The stain you’ll banish
Like magic, bish, bash and then bosh ?

Rain clouds are covering the sky

Rain clouds are covering the sky
Expecting some wet by and by

Rain clouds are covering the sky
Expecting some wet by and by.
Sometimes we sizzle

Rain clouds are covering the sky
Expecting some wet by and by.
Sometimes we sizzle
Followed by drizzle

Rain clouds are covering the sky
Expecting some wet by and by.
Sometimes we sizzle
Followed by drizzle
Is heaven having a wee cry?

My fake hanging basket looks good

My fake hanging basket looks good
It's the brightest one on the 'hood'

My fake hanging basket looks good
It's the brightest one in the 'hood'
No need to water

My fake hanging basket looks good
It`s the brightest one in the `hood`
No need to water
Not like my daughter