July21 - limericks

There was an old boy from Skegness
Who married a lady called Tess

There was an old boy from Skegness
Who married a lady called Tess
But after a year

There was an old boy from Skegness
Who married a lady called Tess
But after a year
He tired of her

There was an old boy from Skegness
Who married a lady called Tess
But after a year
He tired of her
And went off with a lady called Jess

They set up their home in Tralee

They set up their home in Tralee
And planted a sycamore tree

They set up their home in Tralee
And planted a sycamore tree
Right in the centre

They set up their home in Tralee
And planted a sycamore tree
Right in the centre,
What an adventure,

They set up their home in Tralee
And planted a sycamore tree
Right in the centre,
What an adventure,
Go home, folks, there's nothing to see.

If cell phones had not been invented

If cell phones had not been invented
Who knows? We might feel less tormented

If cell phones had not been invented
Who knows? We might feel less tormented
Pigeon post is best

If cell phones had not been invented
Who knows? We might feel less tormented
Pigeon post is best
To put spam calls to rest

If cell phones had not been invented
Who knows? We might feel less tormented
Pigeon post is best
To put spam calls to rest
And I would be far less demented

I’m hoping to see the great Elvis

I’m hoping to see the great Elvis
And his trim gyrating pelvis

I’m hoping to see the great Elvis
And his trim gyrating pelvis
His sexy, deep voice

I’m hoping to see the great Elvis
And his trim gyrating pelvis
His sexy, deep voice
Is my trait of choice

I’m hoping to see the great Elvis
And his trim gyrating pelvis
His sexy, deep voice
Is my trait of choice
He really does me great service!

I married fisherman Johnny

I married fisherman Johnny
He’s so tall, handsome and bonny

I married fisherman Johnny
He’s so tall, handsome and bonny
But he does smell of fish

I married fisherman Johnny
He’s so tall, handsome and bonny
But he does smell of fish
So how I do wish

I married fisherman Johnny
He’s so tall, handsome and bonny
But he does smell of fish
So how I do wish
I’d married his young brother Ronnie

I’m planning a short break in Bath

I’m planning a short break in Bath
I’ll walk every street and each path

I'm planning a short break in Bath
I'll walk every street and each path
Go by the river

I'm planning a short break in Bath
I'll walk every street and each path
Go by the river
At ancient ruins shiver

I`m planning a short break in Bath
I`ll walk every street and each path
Go by the river
At ancient ruins shiver
Then have tea and cakes with mate Cath

She tells me that she`s seen a ghost

She tells me that she`s seen a ghost
At a seance - she was the host