Limericks with very strict rules (7) 88558

A bear thought I was his best friend
Until I asked if he would lend
Me his back scratcher
Help! Call the dispatcher!

A bear thought I was his best friend
Until I asked if he would lend
Me his back scratcher
Help! Call the dispatcher!
I truly meant not to offend!

An athlete posed on podium

An athlete posed on podium
Alas, didn't take his immodium

An athlete posed on podium
Alas, didn't take his immodium
The running he did

An athlete posed on podium
Alas, didn't take his immodium
The running he did
Caused him to get rid

An athlete posed on podium
Alas, didn't take his immodium
The running he did
Caused him to get rid
Of quite a lot of the food in him

I met a nice man in Argyll

I met a nice man in Argyll
The sight of his kilt made me smile.

I met a nice man in Argyll
The sight of his kilt made me smile.
But then the wind blew

I met a nice man in Argyll
The sight of his kilt made me smile.
But then the wind blew,
It really is true

I met a nice man in Argyll
The sight of his kilt made me smile.
But then the wind blew,
It really is true
The Scots have a daring life style!

Of bagpipes they also are fond

Of bagpipes they also are fond
With drummers they form a close bond

Of bagpipes they also are fond
With drummers they form a close bond
Their strathspeys and reels

Of bagpipes they also are fond
With drummers they form a close bond
Their strathspeys and reels
Are just what appeals

Of bagpipes they also are fond
With drummers they form a close bond
Their strathspeys and reels
Are just what appeals
As they dance and cavort by the pond

The heatwave is roaring towards us ☀️☄️?

The heatwave is roaring towards us
I can't stand it - I'm a right wuss

The heatwave is roaring towards us
I can't stand it - I'm a right wuss
I’m walking around

The heatwave is roaring towards us
I can't stand it - I'm a right wuss
I’m walking around
In damp clothing, I’ve found

The heatwave is roaring towards us
I can't stand it - I'm a right wuss
I’m walking around
In damp clothing, I’ve found
I know I’m making a big fuss.

I’ve only just squeezed into my bikini ?

I've only just squeezed into my bikini
Yes, you 're right, it's teeny weeny!

I've only just squeezed into my bikini
Yes, you 're right, it's teeny weeny!
With polka dots

I've only just squeezed into my bikini
Yes, you 're right, it's teeny weeny!
With polka dots
(Big yellow spots)

I've only just squeezed into my bikini
Yes, you 're right, it's teeny weeny!
With polka dots
Such colourful spots

I've only just squeezed into my bikini
Yes, you 're right, it's teeny weeny!
With polka dots
(Big yellow spots)
Now, stop laughing - don't be a meanie!

If I wear that thing to the beach

If I wear that thing to the beach
I’ll display too much of my ‘peach’

If I wear that thing to the beach
I'll display too much of my 'peach'
Could get arrested