Limericks 18 (cont'd)

She rests in an urn by the fire
Her memory can always inspire
Famed for key lime pie
And bread made with rye
Too bad that her fate was so dire

Now, Randolph's a marvelous chef

Now, Randolph's a marvelous chef
He's also exceedingly deaf

Now, Randolph's a marvelous chef
He's also exceedingly deaf
He once took an order

Now, Randolph's a marvellous chef
He's also exceedingly deaf
He once took and order
from an old hoarder

Now, Randolph's a marvellous chef
He's also exceedingly deaf
He once took an order
From an old hoarder
Whose name I’m told was Scruffy Jeff

He thought Jeff had ordered roast lamb

He thought Jeff had ordered roast lamb
But he wanted salad with ham

He thought Jeff had ordered roast lamb
But he wanted salad with ham
A tussle ensued

He thought Jeff had ordered roast lamb
But he wanted salad with ham
A tussle ensued
Jeff was very rude

He thought Jeff had ordered roast lamb
But he wanted salad with ham
A tussle ensued
Jeff was very rude
But Randolph did not hear the slam

Jeff ended up cleaning his plate

Jeff ended up cleaning his plate
Food poisoned him, now he's 'the late'

Jeff ended up cleaning his plate
Food poisoned him, now he's 'the late',
Moral to this tale

Jeff ended up cleaning his plate
Food poisoned him, now he's 'the late',
Moral to this tale
Don’t eat if it’s stale

Jeff ended up cleaning his plate
Food poisoned him, now he's 'the late',
Moral to this tale
Don’t eat if it’s stale
Even if you got a good rate

I’m babysitting a parrot

I’m babysitting a parrot
It likes fruit and the odd carrot

I’m babysitting a parrot
It likes fruit and the odd carrot
He whistles and swears

I’m babysitting a parrot
It likes fruit and the odd carrot
He whistles and swears
But nobody cares

I’m babysitting a parrot
It likes fruit and the odd carrot
He whistles and swears
But nobody cares
He even likes a nice glass of claret

It’s nearly April fools day again

It’s nearly April fools day again
And being fooled is such a pain

It’s nearly April fools day again
And being fooled is such a pain
Spaghetti-tree hoax

It’s nearly April fools day again
And being fooled is such a pain
Spaghetti-tree hoax
Clingfilm on loo jokes

It’s nearly April fools day again
And being fooled is such a pain
Spaghetti-tree hoax
Clingfilm on loo jokes
For such childishness I will not deign

But I might play a trick on the parrot

But I might play a trick on the parrot
While tucked away in the garret

But I might play a trick on the parrot
While tucked away in the garret
I'll teach him to swear

But I might play a trick on the parrot
While tucked away in the garret
I'll teach him to swear
Into language he'll tear

But I might play a trick on the parrot
While tucked away in the garret
I'll teach him to swear
Into language he'll tear
With poems of Elizabeth Barrett

My Post Office parcel is due