GOVENDE - a game of wordplay, puns, leaps of thought and trivia - GAME 3

People who smoke tobacco claim those of us who dont are cowardly because we are afraid of catching cancer.

What is smoking?

It’s what used to happen to my Granddad’s cardi if he inadvertently put his pipe in the pocket.

What’s inadvertently?

In advert(ently) is when an irritating advert for a tent pops up when you're snooping other people's Facebook profiles.

What is a profile?

A profile is a fictional creation aided by a creative but warped imagination and generally demonstrating a lack of literacy skills. Often accompanied by a blurry photo taken 10 years previously. Found on dating sites.

What is blurry?

Blurry is the kinds of pictures my camera sometimes produces when I dont use a tripod.

What is a tripod?

A tripod is when you insert a pod to trial a new flavour in your fancy coffee machine.

What is insert?

An insert is something you use in your shoe to help your gait.
What is gait?

Gait is a manner of walking and likely to be unsteady after a few glasses of wine.

What are glasses?

Glasses are lassies from Glasgow with no ego.

What is Glasgow

Glasgow is when you know you ve had enough to drink and you say ‘Glass go I don’t want any more’
What is drink ?

Drink is a liquid, achoholic or non, used when you are thirsty.

What is thirsty?

Thir sty is where the third pig lives

What is a pig?

A greedy pig is someone at a Las Vegas buffet who loads their plate then goes back for seconds

What is greedy?

Greedy is when a reedy person is grabby, avaricious.

What is avaricious?

Ricious is the name of a new delicious rice cake - why don’t you ‘av a ricious?

When you skirt around something in conversation you make hints but avoid direct confrontation.

What is confrontation?

Confrontation is when you con yourself that you have been affronted, when someone said something that you chose to take as an insult.

What is an insult?

Insult is when you find a little bit of pepper in the salt
What is pepper ?

Peppers liven up bland food to make it more appetising.

What is bland?

Bland is the air traffics control system for bees.

What is air?

Air is something you can play on a G-string.

What’s a g-string?

Bach composed an "air on a g string" which is like a pair of scanty lacey knickers.

What are knickers?

Knickers are what someone does when they steal of a lady they nick her goods
What are goods ?

Goods are a gang, and bads are another gang. Just like the sharks and the jets in West Side Story. They like fighting each other.
What's fighting?

Fighting is when you try to cook something in microwave in a metal container and instead of having "Chicken Ding" you get Fight Ting as the sparks fly.

What is a spark?