Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway) (

There was an old Gran with a wart
Which really bothered her a lot
So she took a sharp knife

There was an old Gran with a wart
Which really bothered her a lot
So she took a sharp knife
“My wart or my life !”

There was an old Gran with a wart
Which really bothered her a lot
So she took a sharp knife
“My wart or my life !”
It was then A&E she sought!

I once had a one eared bunny

I once had a one eared bunny
As a baby, I thought he was funny

I once had a one eared bunny
As a baby, I thought he was funny
Turned his head sideways

I once had a one eared bunny
As a baby, I thought he was funny
Turned his head sideways
To watch was my craze

I once had a one eared bunny
As a baby, I thought he was funny
Turned his head sideways
To watch was my craze
And I stuck back his ear with some honey

Ther once was a sad Christmas elf

There once was a sad Christmas elf
Fed up being stuck on a shelf

There once was a sad Christmas elf
Fed up being stuck on a shelf

Ooops

There once was a sad Christmas elf
Fed up being stuck on a shelf
Said " I need some fun"

There once was a sad Christmas elf
Fed up being stuck on a shelf
Said " I need some fun"
Now, what can be done?

There once was a sad Christmas elf
Fed up being stuck on a shelf
Said " I need some fun"
Now, what can be done?
“Have a night on the tiles myself”.

So, when all was quiet and dark

So when all was quiet and dark
I went for a walk in the park

There was a young man of Uplyme
Who married three wives at a time
When asked 'Why a third'
He replied 'One's absurd'
And bigamy sir is a crime.

The was a young girl from Nepal
Who went to a fancy dress ball
She thought she would risk it
And went as a biscuit
And a dog ate her up in the hall.

So when all was quiet and dark
He went for a walk in the park
The dogs started to bark

So when all was quiet and dark
He went for a walk in the park
The dogs started to bark
They thought, “This is a lark”

So when all was quiet and dark
He went for a walk in the park
The dogs started to bark
They thought, “This is a lark”
“We’ll nip him but won’t leave a mark “

His legs were so thin and gangly

His legs were so thin and gangly
And his beard was long and dangly

His legs were so thin and gangly
And his beard was long and dangly
He looked such a fright

His legs were so thin and gangly
And his beard was long and dangly
He looked such a fright
But came out at night

His legs were so thin and gangly
And his beard was long and dangly
He looked such a fright
But came out at night
At a time when his nerves were less jangly

Ive started to write my first cards

Ive started to write my first cards
Verse a sonnet, just like the Bard's

Ive started to write my first cards
Verse a sonnet, just like the Bard's
But they all sound like Hamlet

Ive started to write my first cards
Verse a sonnet, just like the Bard's
But they all sound like Hamlet,
Romeo and Juliet ?