Lame Limericks (but they are funny anyway) (

I have a problem with this tree
It keeps falling over on me
I hope it's not real
Could hurt quite a deal
Keep away, have a cup of tea

The problem is it's very old
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The problem is it's very old
It suffers badly in the cold

The problem is it's very old
It suffers badly in the cold
It's a bit like me

The problem is it's very old
It suffers badly in the cold
It's a bit like me
Rather bent you see

The problem is it's very old
It suffers badly in the cold
It's a bit like me
Rather bent you see
Both of us made from the same mould

Shops all busy, the shelves are full

Shops all busy, the shelves are full
I’m going out tonight ‘on the pull’

Shops all busy, the shelves are full
I’m going out tonight ‘on the pull’
"Disgraceful", you say

Shops all busy, the shelves are full
I’m going out tonight ‘on the pull’
"Disgraceful", you say
It will make my day

Shops all busy, the shelves are full
I'm going out tonight 'on the pull'
''Disgraceful'', you say
It will make my day
Sounds like fun, definitely not dull.

Maybe dress up and drink pink gin

Maybe dress up and drink pink gin
With no thoughts pertaining to "sin"

Maybe dress up and drink pink gin
With no thoughts pertaining to "sin"
I’ll look so demure

Maybe dress up and drink pink gin
With no thoughts pertaining to "sin"
I’ll look so demure
But I‘m not that pure

Maybe dress up and drink pink gin
With no thoughts pertaining to "sin"
I’ll look so demure
But I‘m not that pure
And I’ll play sweet tunes on my mandolin

I’m looking for games we can play

I’m looking for games we can play
So I can sit down for the day

I’m looking for games we can play
So I can sit down for the day
Backgammon is good

I'm looking for games we can play
So I can sit down for the day
Backgammon is good
But I'm thick like wood

I'm looking for games we can play
So I can sit down for the day
Backgammon is good
But I'm thick like wood
Off with the fairies I’m away!

I’m much better at playing Snap

I’m much better at playing Snap
It’s a game that bridges the gap

I’m much better at playing Snap
It’s a game that bridges the gap
Far simpler than chess

I’m much better at playing Snap
It’s a game that bridges the gap
Far simpler than chess
My brain’s in a mess

I’m much better at playing Snap
It’s a game that bridges the gap
Far simpler than chess
My brain’s in a mess
It's time now to go take a nap

I'll dream of fruit cake and mince pies

I'll dream of fruit cake and mince pies
And ignore the fat on my thighs

I'll dream of fruit cake and mince pies
And ignore the fat on my thighs
A nutcracker prince

I'll dream of fruit cake and mince pies
And ignore the fat on my thighs
A nutcracker prince
To match with my chintz

I'll dream of fruit cake and mince pies
And ignore the fat on my thighs
A nutcracker prince
To match with my chintz
Or a Hollywood star in disguise

I recently went to a ball