WRONG ANSWERS!!

I swung on it yesterday in full costume.

When did you last buy a new car?

Mr. Bannatyne Worked In The Mine.

Who sang paper roses?

Mr Bannatyne bought me a new car when the wheels fell off my buggy! Fancythat!

The same singer who serenaded under my window last night!
Ali08

Can you play your bagpipes upside down?

Only when I'm hanging from the rafters.

Why do cats climb trees?

Because people usually object to being climbed on.

Why are the days getting shorter?

To be admired from all angles!

Why do I dream about the pictures on my neighbor's walls?

Because it's preferable to dreaming about electric sheep.

Why is my boss an android in disguise?

Because he must decide the favorite color for undergarments next season!

Why did wimples become unfashionable?

Because nobody could remember what they were.

Why do some roads have cat's eyes?

Because those roads are telling you to turn around and go back!

Why do some people like to wear mismatched shoes to work?

So that they can tell their left from their right.

Why does the tide come in and then go out again?

Because it doesn't like the smell of sun tan oil, fish and chips, etc. on the beach so it quickly retreats to get away from it.

Why does the rain fall downwards out of the clouds?

Because if it went upwards it would land on the sun and put it out.

Why does marmalade on toast always land on the floor marmalade side down?

So that you don't get marmalade on your shoe when you accidentally tread on it.

Why does grass go brown in the sun?

It's getting a suntan.

Do you think we'll have a white Christmas this year?

No. It will be red because spending so much will put my bank account in trouble.

Why do weeds grow much faster than flowers

Because Peter Pan didn't want to, so the weeds had to!

Why are sinkholes never full?

Because the water goes right through and makes the rain in Australia.

Why does thunder follow lightning?

Because the brass band ran off willy-nilly when the lightning began!

And why don't we do the hoky poky these days?

Because Duffy is on Warwick Avenue

Oops!

Why are the dark nights getting in sooner?

Because the sun is exhausted and must retire early after the summer!

Why is that dratted old age catching up with me?

The #49 will be along any minute now.

Why are you looking at me?

Because I can't look at myself without a mirror

Why does a king wear a crown?

Because he can't find the balaclava his gran made for him.

Why won't you sing to me?