Ohmigosh - a scandal uncovered

The Ancestry reports on closeness of relationship are not that good. For example, one of my second cousins is estimated as a third cousin. But if you look at the detailed report it says that their is a 50% chance she's a second cousin and only 33% that she's a third cousin. So I think the algorithm that teases out the "headline" relationship is faulty.

I too have recently had a surprise. Someone has contacted me, he’s a first cousin whom I’d never heard of. He does however have an unusual spelling of his surname which I recognised as the same as my Godfathers. Now the said Godfather has a daughter who is a 4th cousin. So this means that either one of my uncle’s fathered a child out of wedlock. Or my Dad wasn't my Dad. I need to do some research but my problem is there aren’t many people left alive in my family. So I’m relying on a lucky breakthrough eg more DNA matches to complete the puzzle. x

Marriane. I am so sad for you.

CarlyD7. That is so tragic. Humans can be so cruel.

Hi Grannyactivist. Which DNA testing site did you use? I'd like to trace family on my mother's side. She was adopted but a friend has traced an older brother. Mother is now 90 so I doubt if he is still alive but I can't help wondering if I have cousins out there!
Your story is fascinating.

So many illegitimate children were born as the result of a rape or affair between staff and Masters/Mistresses of the Lord and Lady of the Manor. The story of Lady Chatterly is a prime example of this, and it often provided surrogacy services to a high society couple who would otherwise remain Childless, and all the problems of no heir to inherit the family estate once the Parents passed away. In Victorian times a young servant Girl would be given privileges and support to keep her family with a roof over their heads and food on their table in exchange for providing 'Bedwarming Services' to her master. The strong survival instinct in Humans and Animals alike is no more powerful than it is during times of conflict and war. A prime example of this was during the Second world war, and the amount of illigitimate children born to British women with paternal American origins, so called 'G.I' babies, a lot of whom had older brothers and sisters fathered by a a serving British Soldier within wedlock with their mother prior to going off to war. My own Grandfather used to say that it was a very clever man who actually knew his own father, as up until recently, there was very little proof of that fact at all. I can also confirm that it was often common for a child to be raised and known by a different 'Given Name' to the one stated on their Birth certificate, my own Mother was 'Madge' but prefared 'Marjorie', my Mother in Law was 'Georgina' but prefared 'Joyce' and the sweet old lady I once Nursed Born ' Fanny Rose' prefared to be called 'Emily'!

My Great Grandfather, on my father's side, used to trade cloth, across the north west of Spain, and along the way had a fling with a young lady. Unbeknown to him, this produced a boy who was brought up and educated by his mother in the mountains.
Grandfather lands a bit of an heiress and proceeds to have 5 daughters and one son.
When they were all grown up, a young man turns up asking Great Grandfather to acknowledge him and give him his surname. Great Grandmother, very upright, nearly had a fit. After a lot of negotiations, Great Grandfather agreed. The 'natural' son ended up being a very well known writer, and two of his children government ministers.
The legitimate children, lived very ordinary low working class lives.
HOWEVER.... my father's family are extremely proud of the illegitimate relation as if their surname had anything to do with the success of the young man.
Families are FASCINATING...
Another day I will tell the story of a great great grandmother on my mother's side who had to live in a cave for several years because the villagers wanted to burn her for 'being' a witch... yes siree, this was real!

Strange thought but I wonder, that maybe in 100 years time or so that someone in my family tree might be searching back to 2021 and be wondering "who's this Monnydite person?" and find all my skeletons in my cupboard!!

A few years ago, whilst researching our family tree I found out that my eldest sister was born before my mum and dad got married. Sister is 80 this year and nobody knew. My mother was always judgemental of anyone having a baby before being married!

My Mum and her sister were cuckoos in the nest. My Nan had an affair with the son of the Local Councillor and Justice of the Peace back in the early 1940's so it would have been an extraordinary scandal back then. My real Grandad had pressure put on him to walk away when my Mum was 4 and, as he was completely dependant on his family for a job due to an infectious skin condition, he complied. My step-grandad was generous enough to add the children to the already existing 6 half siblings so he is named on the birth certificate. My mother was brought up to believe she was different from those children because her father was a "gentleman". However, it was otherwise an unspoken secret, especially outside the house, and my mother often found herself shunned by other children because they knew she was a "bastard".
Quite honestly, it has left her damaged for life and explains a lot of her behaviours. The one thing that dominates her thoughts, is that if she had been a male, the family would have suffered the scandal to accept her. The fact she was a girl made her something that was a dirty secret.

DH discovered his parents weren't married and that his father was married to someone else (no evidence of a divorce) and had a son. My DH has no living relatives apart from his children and a cousin in NZ. We found the address of the probable half brother, wrote but received no response - sad really as all this happened so long ago but hey ho!

I remember going in the 80’s to the County Record office to research family history. It was all microfilm readers and having to book time slots to access them. Nowadays with Findmypast and Ancestry it’s become much easier to do the research. Way back when I first started I recorded anecdotal evidence from family members which I still have. Once you get started it’s never ending.

A lot of children were 'adopted' by family members when born out of wedlock and the children never knew any different. How many people thought they had a big sister when that person was their mother. I know of a male who until he retired at 60 didn't know his sister was actually his mother. Early 20th century it was commonplace. Also the not bothering to divorce. Would finding out you are not actually related to say a GP GGP, result in legal issues eg inheritance. Some things are left to wonder about.

Thank you for replying Grannyactivist, I am glad you feel the way you do.

DillytheGardener

I found the Stacey Dooley show quite upsetting, I don’t know why if they had been DNA testing that had him (the bearded man) meet up with a man who wasn’t his brother, very very upsetting. I also didn't like they filmed the other man being told his brother had died, on long lost families they switch off the filming for any upsetting news. I found that all in very bad taste.

I found it upsetting too, why on earth did they let them form a relationship? I do hope they stay in touch as friends but what a head spin I did wonder if it's because I have a complicated family history myself.

I have a similar story which is only a suspicion at the moment, based on old family gossip and rumours. If they were to be believed, my mum wasn't my grandfather's child.

The stories go that my nan was seeing a lad who's family was part of one of the big 4 banks. My nan wasn't considered good enough for him (not from the right family background) and when she fell pregnant she was abandoned by him. My grandad, who'd always had a soft spot for my nan, stepped up and married her, bringing up my mum as his own.

He was a difficult man, I think he did the right thing but didn't really show my mum, or me, any love.

I enjoy 'Ancestry', but have always felt it would be far better to follow the female line than the male - a woman can be certain who has fathered her child! A cousin decided to research the family tree when he retired; he was shocked to find that he was born six months after his parents married, and immediately stopped his little hobby. What does it really matter in any event? There must be millions of people who are bringing up children they are pretty sure are not their own. Your true parent is the person who loves you, looks out for you and looks after you.

I too had an aunt Fan. Her given name was Frances. It seems the shorter name is a shortening of the full name.

I found out my DGM was pregnant with my mum before she married. That was in 1911 so it must have been hard for her. She was a maid in a large country house and DGD a chauffeur- stuff of Downtown Abbey!! Unfortunately DGD died when DM was seven so my DGM had to bring three young children up by herself. She was amazing. I have no idea if mum ( or her 2 brothers) ever knew but I suspect not. I wish I had found this out before mum or my uncles had died.

In France you cannot disinherit your blood line, if you wish to do so, it is with great difficulty. It is illegal to do DNA tests in France as it is it is said that it will upset families.

My great grandmother married one brother then lived over the broom with the other (first brother died). So the children had different fathers but all shared the same surname. It gets complicated when you realise that not only were they half siblings but some of the children had a step father who was actually their uncle whilst the father of the first batch of children were the neices and nephews of their stepfather. That meant at the children were cousins and all shared the same grandparents even though they had different fathers.

grannyactivist

I've been researching my family history for years, firstly the old fashioned way and latterly through various genealogy sites. A year ago I took a DNA test, but (due to ill health+covid+busy working) haven't really had much of an opportunity to do much in the way of follow up. Now and again I check the DNA site, but with few close matches there's been nothing to stir my interest....until yesterday.

My cousin (uncle's son who lives in Australia) has also recently joined the site and taken a DNA test, which popped up as a close match. But not quite as close as it should be! It seems he is my HALF first cousin, which confirms an old rumour that my mum was not fathered by the man we think of as our grandad. Mum is a blue eyed blonde who was spoilt and adored by her mum, whereas her two siblings and the wider family were all dark haired and dark eyed. Ironically my grandad's mum also had a child that was not fathered by her husband, but his parents stayed together.

I have wondered why I don't have a single DNA match to my grandad's line of the family and now I know. Other family members have agreed to be tested just for confirmation, but I'm already convinced as it makes sense of why my mother was so exceptionally cossetted and fussed by her mum, and why my mum's character is so different to that of her siblings.

You ought to know that two brown eyed parents can give birth to a blued eyed child. So if there is another possible reason for your cousin being a half cousin you should not dismiss that.

Because the blues eye gene is recessive, two brown eyed parents can each carry a gene for blue eyes. This is also why two blue eyed parents can never spawn a brown eyed child.

Reading all of this makes me so excited to receive my DNA test. I ordered it a few days ago. I've been researching my ancestry and have come across some roadblocks. It also led me to find that I have history in England, Wales and Spain. I was raised being told we also had Irish and American Indian, but I've found nothing on that so far. Very exciting.

Absolutely agree with SuttonS I traced my siblings and whilst they were warm and welcoming they were not my family. We have shared parents but our memories are so different and always, the elephant in the room was ‘ what was wrong with me?’

Hil1910

I remember going in the 80’s to the County Record office to research family history. It was all microfilm readers and having to book time slots to access them. Nowadays with Findmypast and Ancestry it’s become much easier to do the research. Way back when I first started I recorded anecdotal evidence from family members which I still have. Once you get started it’s never ending.

As you say HILL910 so much easier these days but was n't that exciting before home computers when when you found something on a microfilm? DNA has given both myself and DH links to close relatives but no skeletons - yet! Like you I recorded anecdotal evidence from older family members. I had so much info and finally lockdown has given me the opportunity to start writing a series of books on our family ancestors and the part they played in the history of their time.

I discovered at the age of 58 that my sister who was 9 years older than me was only my half sister , we shared the same mother . My farther married mum when she was 6 years old but no one thought I needed to know . It did explain why mum always called her 'my Jenny' and she used to tell me she only had me because my dad wanted another child. Sadly I have no one to ask about this as I only discovered this after my dear old dad died.