Ohmigosh - a scandal uncovered

We found lots of skeletons in the closet when my father died it made sense of the suspicions my sister and I had growing up that she wasn't my fathers natural daughter and that my parents weren't married until she arrived although I am the eldest? We were both glad that we were in our sixties because we might have found it more difficult to deal with being younger as my sister found out she was not dad's natural daughter literally on his deathbed. Just before he died he gripped her hand with tears in his eyes said, I am so sorry darling but I am not your father you have brothers but was unable to tell her anything else. Our heart were already broken by losing dad to do anything about it at the time and my sister doesn't want to investigate further as far as we are both concerned our lovely dad was her father no matter what her DNA says.

CarrieAnn, we used 23andme and gained loads of useful information on our genetic heritage, cousins (second and third etc.) in all parts of the world, health conditions, likely allergies and so on. You and your sister could also find out how closely related you are.

chazwin:

'two blue eyed parents can never spawn a brown eyed child.' - wrong - we did! It is possible for someone to actually be a carrier of a dominant trait like brown eyes. The gene itself may be defective, therefore, if two blue eyed parents are carriers, then they can have a brown eyed child

Rosina:

'it would be far better to follow the female line than the male - a woman can be certain who has fathered her child!'

Really? That's news to me!

Marriane my DH was always told by his mother (both now deceased) that he was a 'weekend's leave from the Army' (WWII) and was never planned as they already had three other children and didn't want anymore. While he tried to brush it aside, I know deep down he was hurt, so I can understand why you feel this way.

My own biological mother was unmarried when I was born so it appears an inter-family adoption was arranged with help from the catholic church and I was raised by her brother and his wife. Unfortunately this brother abused me in every way possible and even as a small child I could never do anything right and was never shown any love in that family.

On the other hand, my bio Mum (known as Aunt) showered me with love and affection and I remember many, many arguments between her and her brother which were always about me. In my late teens she would always say 'you and I need to have a long talk some day' but it never happened and when she said these words she would become visibly upset and start shaking....she never married and I don't have any indication who my bio father could possibly be, although I do think I may have met him at her house a few times when I was very young. At weekends my adoptive father would take me to visit her and I distinctly remember this tall, dark haired man (often in uniform) would be there and they would play games with me, but he would arrive 'after' and leave 'before' adoptive father would come to collect me and one of the games we played was 'our little secret' where I was told not to mention this man to anyone. I think I was approx 4 yrs old and would love to remember the colour of his uniform or his name (or what I used to call him), but he too, showered me with love and would bring gifts which were always left at 'Aunts' house, not to be taken home.

A few years later I clearly remember one weekend she was constantly crying and used one of her beautiful, lace hankerchiefs to mop up the tears and took me to the local wharf where she was shaking uncontrollably when she held my hand while crossing the road or walking close to cars. So I can only assume the tall man had died or left or ??? She desperately tried to keep her grief hidden, but even though I was very young, I still 'knew' something horrible had happened.

She would take me on the ferry, introduce me to her friends and tell them I was a 'delightful child'...if only that sentiment was shared by her abusive brother and his wife. Anyway, I knew she loved me unconditionally even if we never got to have the 'long talk'... which still makes me sad.

By strange coincidence, my adoptive parents would 'never' use the word 'adopted' or talk about adoption in any shape or form and if I dared say the word I would get (yet another) beating so you soon learn to be selective in your words etc as the punishment is too painful (physically).

I did exactly the same and found the son of my Godfather was too close a match - in fact a half brother. Turned out my father was not my father but my Godfather was! A 60 year secret. Apparently my aunt and all their cousins knew but it was a dark secret. I knew I looked different to my brother and sister. My mum & dad (who wasn’t) were really close with my Godfather & his wife - in fact my daughters are convinced they must have been swingers. Photos of them all on holiday together whilst my mum was pregnant with me!!! Doesn’t bother me, just sad I didn’t meet/know him although I have ovlhitis when I was taken to visit him and his wife (odd) as a baby. Gained a half brother, SIL and three nieces. Was odd to thing of my brother and sister who I was brought up with as half siblings though. The father that brought me up gave me a wonderful childhood which apparently was the deal if my real father no longer saw me.

Grannyactivist I think it’s great you are getting to know exactly who you are. We should all do this and pass it on to our children- one day they will thank you

There were plenty of skeletons in our family closet we could have written a book on them. The skeletons were on my mums side and her sisters. My dads side of the family were all okay and no skeletons on his side.
Two of my mums sisters had children born illegitimately before they married and because my mum came from a large family the illegitimate babies were handed over to other sisters in the family and brought up as if there own.
There was a lot of cousins and as we got older we found things out and one of the illegitimate children who always visited our home knew she was the original sister of another cousin and we all talked had fun together but nothing was ever said to our aunts or indeed my mum about what had gone on. A proper strange carry on to bring up children.

Many years ago, before there was access to DNA sites etc, I attended a talk about creating Family Trees. The main thing I remember was being told that it is far easier to discover your ancestors if there was a hint at ‘wrong doing’ or a ‘shady past’. Usually this sort of news was more available than for straightforward, law-abiding ancestors. The message was ‘if you don’t want to know, don’t delve’!

I discovered a year ago that I have an older sister living in New Zealand. What a shock that was.Mum never mentioned her at all,although I think that at the end of her life it could have been playing on her mind as she kept saying she had something to tell me but she was afraid I wouldn't love her anymore. No matter how many times I assured her this wouldn't happen she never told me.My father was killed in the war,before I was born and before they married. My sister looks so much like me,I think we must have the same father but obviously can't find ou.I have tried fining out about him but as I don't know much about him,except his name,my searches have been in vain.Perhaps some of you out there who are more experienced using various sites could give me some pointers

Women were called Fanny as a given name
I thought my GGGrandmother's given name was Fanny as that is how it was written on all censuses etc but did find out eventually that it was Frances.

I haven't had my DNA done.

As I said in my post my grandmother’s name was NOT Frances. Her birth certificate which I have a copy of, her marriage certificate, and all the official entries relating to her use her name - Fanny.
The mystery is why did my grandfather choose to use Frances on her death certificate.

My Mother who is modeled on Hyacinth Bouquet.
Was less than impressed when her niece my cousin researched her family tree on my mothers, her fathers side.Finding out that my mothers youngest aunt did not have the same father as the other 5 sisters.Buteven worse that her grandparents had never been married making her mother,our grandmother and her aunts all illegitimate.My cousin and l laughed, my Mother was mortified and banned mentioning it ever again!

Hello there
Its facinating isnt it...Ibtoo have started a tree and smdine My DNA..I'm from older parents so never really knew a great deal of family...My father died when I was 11 and he was the youngest of 16,He was a Japanese pow so I have traced lots of info and will apply for his service records.
Names I am researching are Reardon ,Butler,Thacker,Wright ,Cope in the Hackney and Islington areas to start with.
I'm really enjoying joining up the dots of things I do remember and it has been a godsend during these strange times

I too have researched my family history for the past 20 years - and found a few interesting things - a mysterious death, did she jump or was she pushed? Gr.grandparents who never ever married despite being staunch churchgoers. A daughter who discovered that the man she thought was her father, wasn't. And a son, accused of murder, who went on the run and was never seen again! Fascinating stuff. I imagine most families have 'skeletons' somewhere in their ancestral cupboards.

I heard that this years Census may be the last one to be done. That would be a shame as so much can be learned from them by future family historians.

My son has researched our family tree going back from my maternal grandfather to the seventh century when two brothers went to the Caribbean where they had sugar plantations and many slaves. It turned out that a there is coloured blood in the family. When I told my cousin this she was very upset and wouldn’t believe it. She is one of these people who unfortunately believe that “they all should go back to where they come from.”
My mother was very dark and said her great grandmother was also.

Women were called Fanny as a given name, as an example of a woman from a respectable family who was born and died as Fanny Caroline, one of the daughters of Sir Titus Salt the man behind Saltaire. She was registered as such at birth and death
Looking for a cousins family, discovered a grandmother who was actually registered as Mary Ellen but in an inscription in a bible given to her son she signed it as Mary Helen, we just reckoned that she thought adding an H made her seem a bit posher. She was born as Mary Ellen but married and died as Mary Helen, so maybe it was thought that Frances was posher than Fanny

It's exciting finding skeletons in the cupboard. My great great grandmother had one daughter with a soldier from the local garrison town, who then disappeared (maybe died in battle), she came back to the family Inn and then 10 years later had another daughter (my great gran) to the local lord of the manor. Same GG grandmother's aunt had three sons to the lord of the next manor and he graciously married her when 6 months pregnant with 4th son - to protect inheritance rights. He didn't leave her a penny, after all she was only the housekeeper. The sons did support her.

Long before all these DNA tests were available, my mom got a letter from a woman in the UK telling her that she was her niece, the daughter of one of my mom’s brothers. She included photos of my mom’s brother, her mom, etc. The woman had become engaged in researching her father’s family and had found my grandmother’s death certificate which had my mom’s name and address on it. My mom knew her brother had fathered a son in the UK while in the US Air Force but had no idea that there was a second child. Sadly, my uncle’s son passed at an early age from a cancer that was also the cause of my mom’s father’s and her brother’s deaths. So, one important finding was the fact that there is a possible genetic predisposition to this cancer. The real interesting part was when my mom, God bless her, decided that I should be the one to tell my cousin (my uncle’s legitimate daughter) that she has a half sister in the UK. She wasn’t surprised since she said she and her mom knew her dad was a philanderer. They’ve met each other and have established a relationship. I correspond with and have met my uncle’s grandson who visited the states a few years ago and maybe one of these days I will get to the UK to visit this branch of the family. Everyone responds differently to this type of situation and it’s becoming so much more common now. Fortunately, our family took it well in stride.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

The skeleton in our tree is known. Single mother, no father named, child sent to live with relatives.
What came to light doing the tree was that she had been married for years and relative is the last of 7 children. Subsequent records show she reamained married and living with her husband. So why did she go to another town to havw the baby, lie and say she was single and not name the father? Maybe an affair? Or if she lied about that, might there be other lies - could the mother named have been the grandmother?
So I'm dithering over dna. Whether it will raise more questions than answers.

It seems only in 'recent' history have we all been so hung up on who 'belongs' to who. Pre-history times have shown that it was the prime intent of the village society to bring up all children as their own, it was the only way to make sure they all stayed alive and their progeny survived. But somewhere along the line money, inheritance (male line) and sheer greed made people only want to care for their (blood related and/or married) own. Even fairly recently it was quite common for children to be passed around families to ensure a better upbringing, like sent to a maiden aunt who had some spare cash or a sibling who couldn't bear children. No wonder the genealogy is so hard to follow! As my adopted friends have always said, it is not your blood relatives who you feel closer to necessarily but those who truly love and care for you throughout your life, related or not

I have tried, unsuccessfully, over the past few years to find out who my father was. All I have is a name and rank number on my birth certificate and when I applied to the appropriate forces department for information I was told that, no they couldn't help and they refunded the fee I had paid.
Mum never told me and when I eventually asked her best friend, just before she herself died, a fair while after my mother's demise, she got quite upset and refused to say anything.
So I had a DNA test done and, from time to time, get an email telling me of a potential 3rd/4th cousin always in the USA but without any accompanying 'tree'. No progress there then but I do believe that I was the result of some celebration for the end of the war.
Mum and Nana brought me up as a perfectly happy child, and I hope as a well-adjusted one, but I do wonder what 'family' I have and where and also if there are any health-related details that I ought to know. Ah well, I tried.

I discovered at the age of 58 that my sister who was 9 years older than me was only my half sister , we shared the same mother . My farther married mum when she was 6 years old but no one thought I needed to know . It did explain why mum always called her 'my Jenny' and she used to tell me she only had me because my dad wanted another child. Sadly I have no one to ask about this as I only discovered this after my dear old dad died.

Hil1910

I remember going in the 80’s to the County Record office to research family history. It was all microfilm readers and having to book time slots to access them. Nowadays with Findmypast and Ancestry it’s become much easier to do the research. Way back when I first started I recorded anecdotal evidence from family members which I still have. Once you get started it’s never ending.

As you say HILL910 so much easier these days but was n't that exciting before home computers when when you found something on a microfilm? DNA has given both myself and DH links to close relatives but no skeletons - yet! Like you I recorded anecdotal evidence from older family members. I had so much info and finally lockdown has given me the opportunity to start writing a series of books on our family ancestors and the part they played in the history of their time.