Distant Relative keeps asking to meet up

She won't miss not meeting up with you
I do think your response was very unpleasant.

Super Tinny
100% correct.

I have what seems to be a distant cousin on GN and I greatly value that connection, as I hope she knows.

I have been researching my family tree for almost 50 years - long before 'instant family trees' from sites like Find my Past and Ancestry; I joined Family History groups for the county my family were from - and with contacts I wrote to and who wrote to me discovered masses of additional information. We arranged 'family reunions' for several of the names we were researching and they were lovely. I have had masses of copies of old family photos sent to me. One event we held was to celebrate the 200th wedding anniversary of a couple we were descended from - we held this at the village inn where they had lived. I do think that now people are not so interested in 'finding out more' but just gathering as many 'names' as they can and that 'trees' are not very accurate. One photo I received was of my grandmother in a 'uniform' I didn't recognise and dated 1917 - I discovered that she was wearing the uniform of the Women's Land Army in WW1!

Another discovery was the family of an ancestor who was transported for stealing a sheep - he left a wife and child here but married again in NSW and had a large family there, and prospered. Some have been over to visit and I loved showing them where their several times gt grandfather had lived

I think its a shame that you think the connection is too distant to meet up. It shouldn't make a difference.

If you were interested enough to trace family trees and do DNA etc. I don't then understand why you are not interested in taking it to its conclusion.

I think you have rather left yourself open to this level of enquiry. When you registered your husband on the DNA website what did you think would happen?

How does your relative know she only lives a few miles away from you? You must have provided your details in some form or another.

I think it is only courtesy to meet for a coffee and a chat. You don't have to do it again.

BlueBelle

Chestnut I m an only child of an only child and have absolutely loved finding second, third, seventh, eighth cousins There is a link , it might last one or two letters, it might last a couple or more meet ups but there is a LINK forever
The worst rejection I ever got was a man who actually still lived in the same street my ancestors lived in and he could have told me so much but I got a ‘ don’t bother to contact me again I m not interested ‘ so I didn’t but felt a real rejection
Don’t do that moonwatcher

I have made contact with so many relatives through my research and people these days often just have a passing interest in family history. The ones you can build a relationship with are those who have been doing their family history since the 1990s or earlier. They are dedicated researchers and know what it really means to 'search the records'. I have made friends with a few of those and I treasure them. Usually you have an intense period of exchanging information and photos with them which eventually ends, but you can always contact them again because you have formed a lasting bond. The amount of information and old photos I have picked up from other researchers is phenomenal, so much more than I ever had myself.

I went to the funeral of a fairly distant relative a few years ago. I didn't know her but she had been kind to my mother and visited her a few times. Her mother was my father's favourite aunt and I knew my long-dead parents would have been pleased for me to go.
Since then a distant cousin has phoned sometimes to keep in touch. I dread his calls, he isn't somebody who would ever be a friend and I would love to shake him off, but fortunately he is very unlikely to visit us.

That's nice Moonwatcher1904. Hopefully she'll take the hint.

I am a keen genealogist and I live in city/country from which distant relatives emigrated. Now I am wary of 'ancestry tourists' having hosted one couple for several weeks. I have no interest in visiting them in far off Boise Idaho!

BlueBelle

I ll meet her 🤣🤣🤣

Me too🤣🤣

Chestnut I m an only child of an only child and have absolutely loved finding second, third, seventh, eighth cousins There is a link , it might last one or two letters, it might last a couple or more meet ups but there is a LINK forever
The worst rejection I ever got was a man who actually still lived in the same street my ancestors lived in and he could have told me so much but I got a ‘ don’t bother to contact me again I m not interested ‘ so I didn’t but felt a real rejection
Don’t do that moonwatcher

This has happened to me four times now in around six years - it’s natural for people especially if they’re younger to want to learn more about their ancestry if they get a match with an older relative - and I’m glad that I responded positively to all four because one was actually older than me and was able to fill in an information gap while the others much younger I’ve been able to give them information and out them in touch with other family members who have the energy for this type of research. I personally wouldn’t refuse and definitely not block her - that’s a great way to convince her that her extended family aren’t very nice people - it won’t take much from you to say to her that you tire easily and can’t make visits out for coffee etc but offer to provide her with tea and cakes on an afternoon to suit you. She can either accept or reject and if she accepts what’s an afternoon out of your life?

Patsy70

Harsh as it may sound, I am very happy with my very close family, extended family and close friends. I don’t feel the need to meet up with any more ‘relatives’.

That is the issue here. You may have plenty of family but some people have no family and are looking for a family. As an only child of an only child I was desperate for a family, and searched for relatives through family history. I found a third cousin who was a wonderful person and we were like sisters until she died.

Spare a thought for the other person who might just be looking for some biological relatives.

I come from families that have really enjoyed keeping in touch with many branches- so I find it rather sad that others don’t have the same interest. This person would probably be your second cousins? That’s quite close really. I’d be delighted to find more and I recently found another second cousin that I knew nothing about - not only that but he lives in the same small town!! I would definitely keep in touch if I were you🤗🤗

Gwyllt

My maternal grandfather was brought up in an orphanage from the age of two His parents had died in an epidemic in Liverpool. On the orphanage records there were siblings admitted at the same time However according to my mum there were non that she knew of. I would be really pleased to know if any of them survived

Have you considered trying to find them on a site such as Ancestry or FindmyPast, or through Free BMD?

Grammaretto

Patsy that reminds me of when my research was at its height, back in 1990s. I told mum what I was doing only to be told:
Please don't find me any more cousins, I don't like the ones I have!

I’ve met relations from all over the world, it surprises me how similar lives they lead, I visited Australia in January and called in to see relatives that I had never met, they had never been to the UK, lovely people, as all the others have been.

I didn’t do all the family history myself cousin Paul a retired police officer did a lot of the difficult tracing and Im confident the male and female lines are all accounted for.

My maternal grandfather was brought up in an orphanage from the age of two His parents had died in an epidemic in Liverpool. On the orphanage records there were siblings admitted at the same time However according to my mum there were non that she knew of. I would be really pleased to know if any of them survived

I ll meet her 🤣🤣🤣

Fair enough.

I have sent her a polite and friendly email outlining the exact connection between my DH and her. I have told her that I cancelled my subscription with Ancestry for the time being as I found all the information for both me and DH that we wanted. I also mentioned that my 2 daughters are not interested and my DH has no children of his own. His half brother and sisters are not interested as they are mostly of Ghanaian descent. I just ended with that I hope this helped with her research. I didn't say anything about meeting up.

Exactly. Enough going on in our lives without inviting any more! 🙄

Patsy that reminds me of when my research was at its height, back in 1990s. I told mum what I was doing only to be told:
Please don't find me any more cousins, I don't like the ones I have!

Harsh as it may sound, I am very happy with my very close family, extended family and close friends. I don’t feel the need to meet up with any more ‘relatives’.

Sad isn't it that there are so many people trying to contact unknown family and can't find them and so many people being contacted who have no interest.

I think she is probably assuming that you put your DNA on the site in hopes of contacting unknown family, as she probably did. Did you ever tell her that the stuff she sent was of no interest to you? Have you ever sent her any information back? You could always tell her that you've lost interest in family history so don't see the point of meeting up.

I once sent a whole load of stuff to someone who got in touch with me and never heard from her again. I did see the photographs attached to his family tree later though.

Typo GGDs brothers family