Make us laugh [grin]

My daughter walked into the kitchen to find her small daughter using the cat litter tray…..as the cat would ??

??
Oh the grand old Duke of York
He had ten million quid.
He paid it to someone he never knew
For something he never did.

Was feeling a bit down as in lot of pain today but you have all made me laugh. Thank you ,you bunch of jokers ?

Three men die,went to heaven and was greeted by St Peter.
St Peter said to them ,you all have to answer a question before i let you in.
Heaven is a big place and you will need a car ,so depending on your answer,depends on what car you get.
First man....St P asked,have you ever cheated on your wife,the man said,yes i did,oh said St P ,well you have a Ford Fiesta.
Second man was asked the same question,he answered ,yes i did twice but she forgave me,St P said oh okay you have the Ford Ka.
The Third man said i know what you are going to ask and my answer is i never cheated on my wife,we were married for over 60 years and she wanted for nothing.
St P said well you have the best car available.
Two days later the men were meeting up for a chat,the one with the best car was sat on the side crying his eyes out,the other two asked him what in heavens name is wrong?,aftere a while he said,iv`e just seen my wife on a skateboard.

I've just noticed how old this post is !!!!

Several years ago I was in a bar with several mates, mostly men who were usually very funny. I was always a bit on the quiet side. Well they were talking about a woman who did a parachute jump with a man behind her holding on to her. One of the guys said ' what would you say to someone whilst you were on your way down'? So I said quietly, ' I suppose a bonk's out of the question ' ? They all burst out laughing.

This was my 7 year old daughter's favourite joke, 50 years ago. She used to curl up when saying it!

What did the picture say to the wall?

"I've been framed!"

Happy Christmas all !

I was so bored

I swapped the wrappers around in a tub of Celebrations

The wife's not happy, she got her Snickers in a Twix

Sorry it’s long. Stick with it.
When four of Santa's Elves got sick, the trainee Elves did not produce Toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.
??When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it"..????
And thus began the tradition of the little Angel on top of the Christmas Tree.?
(Not a lot of people know this).

My wife calls me Grandpa Jo.My name is not Jo.My wife has a pet name for herself which she shouts/screams out loud when my grandaughter visits.Not sure if this is funny to other people but just thought I'd put it out there.

I can't stand stairs. They're always up to something.

Not the best joke, and I know this is an old thread, but I think we need cheering up just now!

I vaguely remember the one-liner about the man who farted in a lift - it was wrong on so many levels!

I was wonderin wy the frisbee was gettin bigger..... Then it hit me..... ??????

Rufus Welcome back

Rufus - You're back! Where have you been?

bugger all to laugh about at the moment
robbymax Try this!
A young 23 year old lady marries an 83 year old man. Now every night in bed she feels old age creeping on!

Heads up - this thread has not been posted on for over a year.
Why not start a new thread instead?

Okay, it's been a while since anyone posted here - will try and shake things up.
I live in Blackpool (it's true) and there's a strange woman in my street who doesn't speak to any neighbours. We know she has a job but it's difficult to say exactly what she does..., apparently, she sell sea shells by the sea shore...
GBUK

Lady reaches the checkout in the supermarket.
Checkout girl says, as she gets out the credit card "Strip down, facing me"
They asked to take her business elsewhere

Little boy is sent outside to tell Dad tea is ready. Dad is mending the car.

Boy comes back and Mum asks, 'Did Daddy say what's wrong with the car?'
'Yes,' he replies, 'it's got some cake stuck in it.'

When Dad comes in, Mum asks him about this.
'Oh,' he laughs, 'he asked me if it was a hard job to fix and I said, no, it's a piece of cake.'

Those jokes made me laugh but i have just noticed the date
i would like to write a joke, but lets face it there is bugger all to
laugh about at the moment

PPPPP

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous.
A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won't quit
came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, "What would you like, sir?"
.
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top
to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."
The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.
After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?"
'
Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers,"a quickie, please."
This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.
.
A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers,"Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

Just told DH that and he's laughing too!

A coffee joke just for LoopLou

A lady came into the kitchen, sat down at the table, leaned forward, put her head in her hands and said to her husband "Honey, I feel terrible! My head hurts, my back's killing me and my left breast just burns and burns."

He said "I'm gonna help you, Dear. I'll get you some aspirins for the headache, I'll rub your back with Voltarol for the backache, and if you'll sit up and get your breast out of the coffee, it'll stop burning!"

BOOM BOOM !