Gransnet forums


Granny or unpaid nanny - question on agony aunt page.

(18 Posts)
Elegran Tue 08-Nov-11 15:00:09

Here is a question asked of Vicky and Octavia on their relationship advice page in the Daily Telegraph.

We could give them a few pointers .......

NanaAnna Tue 08-Nov-11 23:02:34

I have two children so two 'sets' of grandchildren and both live within walking distnace.

I'm treated like an unpaid and unskilled nanny by one set but as a valued and experienced nana by the other. I love all my grandchildren equally but I resent one set of parents.

It's nothing to do with being unpaid but all to do with the way they do not value me or my experience.

Grossi Wed 09-Nov-11 07:23:04

I look after my grandaughter for a minimum of three afternoons per week. My daughter doesn't tell me how to do it and if she did I wouldn't be happy.

I would look after any future grandchildren on the same terms.

Mishap Wed 09-Nov-11 18:53:40

Caring for my GC is a joy - and I am lucky that the 2 daughters who have children recognise that joy, but also my limitations (I have not been well) - it seems to work out well for us I am glad to say.

Nanban Thu 02-Feb-12 07:49:21

We have had no contact with our son and little grandchildren for 2 years and how I would leap at the chance to be an unpaid minder

greenmossgiel Thu 02-Feb-12 08:57:04

Nanban, thanks xx

Ariadne Thu 02-Feb-12 09:04:03

Nanban xxxxx

GoldenGran Thu 02-Feb-12 10:03:31

Oh nanban, I feel for you, I can't imagine how awful it would be not to see them. {flowers}

whatisamashedupphrase Thu 02-Feb-12 10:11:35

I find it's useful to be able to say, "Mummy says you must - eat these yogurts/put the telly off at eleven/put your coat on in the garden, etc". grin

susiecb Thu 02-Feb-12 10:26:08

I have my GS and a nephew for parts of the school holidays at my request and to the joy of their parents. they follow my house rules quite willingly. My husband does mumble about how much money their parents are saving on childcare and gets cross if I dont get a token pressie like flowers. Its so lovely to see them but i ma glad when its time to go home.

I do feel for you though nanban. I hope the situation gets better in time.

GoldenGran Thu 02-Feb-12 10:42:01

I only feel put upon if DD tells me she is bringing the children here for a few days, rather than ask. But I would rather that than they didn't come at all. She does thank me and she does occasionally buy flowers. It is lovely when they are here, I like being a London Granny and doing London things with them.

kittylester Thu 02-Feb-12 10:47:53

nanban thanks

I have one daughter's children, in their home, for one day a week, as does their nana. We have done since my daughter went back to work as a teacher. My grandson goes to school now so I collect him after having had my granddaughter all day. I allow them to bend the rules, if it suits me, as my daughter and I agree that a grandparent's role is to spoil their grandchildren. However, we agree on the basics like manners, good food etc. When they stay with us the rules are broken even more - for instance - they have nuggets and curly fries here if they want. It will be the same with the others as they become big enough to stay here.

numberplease Thu 02-Feb-12 15:37:33

I look after my youngest grandchild 5 days a week, whilst our son and his wife are at work, hours dependant upon what shift son is on that week. I`ve looked after other grandchildren in the past, and love doing it, but I do get paid, £1 an hour, which still saves them an awful lot of money in childcare fees, and also gives me a teeny bit of financial independance. I divide the money between my purse (for shopping), the holiday savings, and my personal "spence".

tanith Thu 02-Feb-12 17:46:24

I take my hat off to those of you that have grandchildren on a regular basis.. I couldn't do it , I was working when the older ones were small so couldn't do it other than weekends or emergencies, and now I'm retired I find I don't want to have them regularly, I love having them when it suits or if they specially ask to come for a sleepover, and I do take the youngest to school or pick her up for her tea regularly but its when I want/have time to.. I'd hate to be tied to a regular 'minding' schedule.. but I feel for those of you that don't see your grandchildren it must be the most awful feeling in the world..

nightowl Thu 02-Feb-12 18:31:12

I look after my grandson aged 16 months every weekday although the length of the day varies as his mum (DD) is at uni. Her partner is self employed and they do not earn a great deal so could not afford child care. I am happy to help them to invest in their family's future and feel honoured that they trust me and my husband to do this for them. Unfortunately I still work full time though work shifts so it all fits in quite well, though I do get very tired.

When my children were small I had to work and could not have done it without similar help from my mum, who is no longer with us. She had such a wonderful relationship with my children that I always hoped to be able to follow her example, and feel very blessed that things have worked out this way. My only worry is that if (hopefully when) more grandchildren come along, I will not be able to spread myself out far enough. I feel very much for those grandparents who are not in contact with their grandchildren, it must be heartbreaking.

artygran Thu 02-Feb-12 18:33:29

We used to have our only grandson the two days a week my daughter works (and any other time we could wangle it), but he has now started school and we pick him up after school on those two days instead, and get to spend a couple of hours with him then. We have never felt "put upon" or expected anything in return. My daughter appreciates the help and she doesn't take advantage. DH and I have plenty of "us" time. In the holidays, he will stay overnight here, and sometimes we will offer to have him at the weekend to give them a bit of "us" time. My children never got to spend much time with their grandparents - we were frequently out of the country and by the time we had finished travelling around, there were, sadly, no longer any grandparents. As children get older, nanny and grandad come lower down the pecking order in their lives. They have other, more interesting things to do, so I intend to make the most of him before that happens and then accept it gracefully!

ninathenana Sat 04-Feb-12 15:18:09

My daughter lives 1 and half hr drive away so we can't have DG on a daily basis. Due to complications with her current pregnancy and other circumstances I have had DG on and off for the past 3 mths for weeks at a time either staying at their's or at my house. Although this is very wearing (he's nearly 3) I love the time I spend with him. I feel sorry for his paternal GP as they live in Germany and see him about once a year.

My DD ALWAYS thanks me when I leave, buys me the odd little pressie i.e. flowers. Hopefully things are now sorted and I won't be needed until DG No. 2 arrives end of March. By which time I will be getting withdrawral symptoms smile

S I L is a man of few words, but he left me a lovely thank you note attached to their fridge door when he went off to work at silly o'clock Friday.

Made all the difference

Annobel Sat 04-Feb-12 16:25:59

My first GD's school was at the end of my road and she was able to drop in on me if I was back from work when she was walking home. She used to go shopping with me and we would often have picnics or go to the cinema. And she would spend hours creating masterpieces of art on my computer - where did all that printer ink go? Although now aged 20 and with her own concerns to attend to, she remembers these occasions with as much affection as I do. We have lunch together about once a month. I wish I had the same relationship with the four young ones, but they live too far away for me to see them more than once every four to six weeks.