Locking children in their bedrooms

Now children! Be nice!

Let's all stop making assumptions, shall we? If the OP doesn't get back to us, we should give it up as a bad job and move on to another argument discussion.

We NEVER argue!!!!!!!!!

Oh, yes we do..........................

You lot are so funny!

Some sleep expert, this isnt even a sleep problem, it is a security problem, like my son standing on the landing in the middle of the night crying night after night after his sister was born. We didnt leave him to scream it out or lock him in his bedroom we dealt with the problem with love and reassurance.

I am left wondering however whether this problem has arisen because the family have moved to brand new house because I have noticed recently that a lot of new houses are being built over three floors with the most family unhelpful bedroom arrangements possible.

Some three storey terraced houses have just been built behind my DS's conventional 1930s semi. There is no bedroom floor, just one bedroom on each floor with the 'master suite' in the roof. DS and DDIL have two children aged 2 and 5. and we were discussing how on earth you could live in these properties if you had a family. Should the 5 year old go in the bedroom beside the front door, two storeys down from her parents? Would the two year old sleep on the first floor, one storey down from his parents? Meanwhile would the parents in their eyrie in the roof really know what the children were getting up to on the floors below?

Think of the children three or four years older and playing in the downstairs bedroom and able to open the front door and walk out of the house unsupervised because their parents are upstairs in the living room completely cut off from what is happening on the floor below.

I quite agree,Flickety - those houses are certainly not designed for families.

So ...we've gone from Sunday round to Thursday without the OP came back to clarify anything.

Seems a pity if it was a genuine post. Oh well, let's move on.

Agreed!

wasn't an obvious troll.

We have spoken to them about this in detail and they are obdurate that this is the way to go. When I commented that they'd better hope her teacher didn't hear of this I was told ' we have told the teacher and she said she had to do the same thing'.
Sorry I haven't been back to post earlier. The matter is not resolved but they have learnt that they can't do anything in secret. They have a monitor in the bedroom and insist the child is sleeping better as a result.

Pleased to see you back Humbertbear. I still cannot comprehend the attitude of the parents and their 'expert'. I suppose the monitor in the bedroom is better than nothing, but if I can remember back to being a child, I don't think I would have liked the feeling of being a prisoner, monitored or not.

It is the fire risk that worries me - how good is the exit route from the loft and could the child access it?

I still do not believe locking a child in a room is acceptable in any circumstances, if it was a relative of mine I would be questioning their suitablity to be a parent.

Are you able to tell us why the parents felt the need to consult someone about their child getting up in the night, humbertbear? If it got to that stage (and now to the locking in stage), the problem that provoked the 'consultation' and the resulting action must have been quite severe. I cannot believe that caring and protective parents would do such a thing without good reasons because, like everyone else, I don't think it's a good idea to lock a child in a loft bedroom. If they are defending their actions and have told the child's teacher, their reasons must be strong. Please enlighten us if you can.

I am surprised that a teacher has apparently felt this was acceptable. I would expect it to be seen as a safeguarding issue and possible even to be reported to Children's Services. But like bagitha I would be interested to hear more about the parents' reasons for doing this as it seems none of the professionals involved have viewed this as inappropriate.

The professional says it is a learned behaviour. As to why they sought professional advice, it's what they always do with every problem starting with breat feeding and baby routines. They say it has worked - she now goes to bed and sleeps but like many of you I feel she will never fully recover from the experience. The parents are ashamed of what they have done and say that locking her in on the first night was terrible but I think it's unforgivable and a dreadful long term mistake. The damage has now been done and they will have to live with the consequences. One thing they have learnt, though, is that nothing they do remains secret.

They must be very lacking in confidence if they seek so much professional help. I am not sure what the 'expert' means by 'learned behaviour' - surely that would apply to everything except instinctual reactions. Gobbledygook!
They would do much better turning to you, Humbertbear, and benefiting from your experience.

Thankyou for that information Humbertbear. I know you are not at all happy with the parents' actions and it must have been very difficult for you to share such personal details about your family. Sorry if I among others have come down a bit heavy, but it's actually the 'professional sleep expert' that I feel most angry with. I know you are concerned for the long term effects on your granddaughter but I'm sure that this one action will not in isolation cause too much harm as she seems to be otherwise very much loved. We all make mistakes as parents and at least your granddaughter felt able to confide in you and now has you fighting her corner. Beware the protective gran, we are all tigers where our grandchildren are concerned!!! to you

Seems to me that the parents, however misguided they may or may not be, are trying to do their best. Forgive me for asking, but is the child particularly difficult to look after for some reason?

We never had a good clear nights sleep for the first 5 years. I have 2 DDs and one or other or both, would end up in our bed, Hubby didn't know who he was waking up with. Finally when we couldn't take it anymore, we put a lock on our bedroom door. When they came and knocked or shouted we would tell them to go back to bed. It took just 2 weeks to stop the visits. How I wish I'd done it earlier. It was obviously learnt behaviour. But it was really hard to do, at the time.

What does the child do if she needs to go to the toilet during the night?

But the difference grannyjules is that the lock was on your bedroom door

My younger daughter came into our bed every night till she was about six. We only locked our door if we wanted to do something very private!

I still find it very hard to believe the parents in question have locked the child's door without extremely good reasons. I agree that 'getting up in the night' is not a good reason, but perhaps there was more to it than that. Without hearing more of what actually happened I don't think we have any right to judge.