Locking children in their bedrooms

The sleep 'expert' deserves a slap around the head.

He/she has not solved the so-called problem, just put a physical barrier in front of the child.

The parents know, deep inside, that to lock the door was wrong ...... otherwise they would just keep the door locked; if it wasn't risky then, what's wrong with locking it now?

The child should be told that her door is no longer locked.

Difficult situation nelliedeane I admire you. Have some for being the caring, wonderful gran that you are.

hi Humbert glad to hear the door isnt locked any more,we have had this problem with GD who lives with us since she came to us aged 4..she is now 13,we have also had many sleepness nights with her and crying ..we are fortunate as we know what her emotional problems are caused by..we keep all bedroom doors open...although this dosent give us much privacy...as she frequently comes in in the night for a cuddle and reassurance..I know how exhausting this is as we escort her back to bed after a cuddle we have to leave lights on...she wont even go to bed unless one of us are upstairs..either reading or on GN.....just saying that I understand how wearing it is for the parents....but I hated the tought of a locked door

Just a quick update - they no longer lock the door but haven't told her that it isn't locked. The strategy seems to have worked but I don't think the end justifies the means.

My 3 year old grandson hits the roof if his twin brother tells him Dora the Explorer is going to come in the bedroom when he is asleep, so heaven knows what he'd be like if he was locked in his bedroom. He likes to be able to go to the safety gate at their open door and check his mummy is on the scene.

When I was about 9 and shared a bedroom with my young sister, my parents put a latch on the outside of the bedroom door - a simple hook and eye - so my sister wouldn't wander out. They explained to me that it was actually loose and if I pushed hard it would give way, but they just wanted to keep my sister safe. That did the trick.

Gosh I really hit a nerve here. It has really helped me knowing there is such support out there. You are all very caring GPs. The situation hasn't been resolved; she is locked in but I have to say that there is no change to be seen in my grand daughter. She is the same lively, loving, ebullient child she was before this problem arose.
As a child I went through a phase of wandering at night and eventually my father banned me from my parents bedroom so I just used to cuddle up with my older sister instead.

I agree, not on to lock a child in a bedroom or ignore his wails when he is confined away from the rest of the family.

No cox a small child on a floor on his own during the night, children are often scared, not on.
I am still traumatised 60 years on from having been shut in the dark.

When my DD was born and my DS (aged 3 at the time) had to move to the spare room a floor above us, he was constantly out of bed and down the stairs. Our solution was to put a stairgate across his bedroom door. We let him know that he could get out of bed if he wanted, and even play with his toys, but leaving the room was not an option.

We had about 3 nights of him wearing himself out wailing at the gate and then he stayed in bed and was fine, and the stair gate went.

One of my gc walked in his sleep, so my daughter left the door open but with a gate which was firmly attached to the door frame - he never attempted to climb over it, even when he was tall enough, but if he had she was going to get an electrician to fix up some kind of alarm activated by touch.

greatnansuch as?

The child in question is very bright and creative and generally a delight. Apart from their own lack of sleep they were also concerned that occasionally the child appeared to be sleepwalking and they were worried that she would fall down the stairs.
I am touched by everyone's concern and support
Thank you

I still find it very hard to believe the parents in question have locked the child's door without extremely good reasons. I agree that 'getting up in the night' is not a good reason, but perhaps there was more to it than that. Without hearing more of what actually happened I don't think we have any right to judge.

My younger daughter came into our bed every night till she was about six. We only locked our door if we wanted to do something very private!

But the difference grannyjules is that the lock was on your bedroom door

What does the child do if she needs to go to the toilet during the night?

We never had a good clear nights sleep for the first 5 years. I have 2 DDs and one or other or both, would end up in our bed, Hubby didn't know who he was waking up with. Finally when we couldn't take it anymore, we put a lock on our bedroom door. When they came and knocked or shouted we would tell them to go back to bed. It took just 2 weeks to stop the visits. How I wish I'd done it earlier. It was obviously learnt behaviour. But it was really hard to do, at the time.

Seems to me that the parents, however misguided they may or may not be, are trying to do their best. Forgive me for asking, but is the child particularly difficult to look after for some reason?

Thankyou for that information Humbertbear. I know you are not at all happy with the parents' actions and it must have been very difficult for you to share such personal details about your family. Sorry if I among others have come down a bit heavy, but it's actually the 'professional sleep expert' that I feel most angry with. I know you are concerned for the long term effects on your granddaughter but I'm sure that this one action will not in isolation cause too much harm as she seems to be otherwise very much loved. We all make mistakes as parents and at least your granddaughter felt able to confide in you and now has you fighting her corner. Beware the protective gran, we are all tigers where our grandchildren are concerned!!! to you

They must be very lacking in confidence if they seek so much professional help. I am not sure what the 'expert' means by 'learned behaviour' - surely that would apply to everything except instinctual reactions. Gobbledygook!
They would do much better turning to you, Humbertbear, and benefiting from your experience.

The professional says it is a learned behaviour. As to why they sought professional advice, it's what they always do with every problem starting with breat feeding and baby routines. They say it has worked - she now goes to bed and sleeps but like many of you I feel she will never fully recover from the experience. The parents are ashamed of what they have done and say that locking her in on the first night was terrible but I think it's unforgivable and a dreadful long term mistake. The damage has now been done and they will have to live with the consequences. One thing they have learnt, though, is that nothing they do remains secret.

I am surprised that a teacher has apparently felt this was acceptable. I would expect it to be seen as a safeguarding issue and possible even to be reported to Children's Services. But like bagitha I would be interested to hear more about the parents' reasons for doing this as it seems none of the professionals involved have viewed this as inappropriate.

Are you able to tell us why the parents felt the need to consult someone about their child getting up in the night, humbertbear? If it got to that stage (and now to the locking in stage), the problem that provoked the 'consultation' and the resulting action must have been quite severe. I cannot believe that caring and protective parents would do such a thing without good reasons because, like everyone else, I don't think it's a good idea to lock a child in a loft bedroom. If they are defending their actions and have told the child's teacher, their reasons must be strong. Please enlighten us if you can.

I still do not believe locking a child in a room is acceptable in any circumstances, if it was a relative of mine I would be questioning their suitablity to be a parent.

It is the fire risk that worries me - how good is the exit route from the loft and could the child access it?