Being a long distance granny

Thank God again for Skype - this afternoon another contact with our no.2 son on top of a mountain in SE India. The reception is much better now.
I could see them in their living room and kitchen, pottering around, the children coming and going.
I've visited them twice in the last 10 years, but don't know if I'll manage it again.

Tricia Isn't it great that skype can provide such a service, and how lovely it is to see the grandchildren wander about coming and going in their home. For me it normalises the situation my grandkids are in, and my relationship with them, which gives me great pleasure.

I find visiting my lot regularly a serious financial consideration. I often go alone, leaving Papa to hold the fort here. Unfortunately, we cannot go this year, but are hoping our son will make a flying visit this Autumn. Fingers crossed.

ffinochio - I visited without Eddie both times, as it's too costly otherwise. I think you live in France too - we've lost a lot through the unfavourable exchange rate over the last years.
Also the journey is so tiring - 48 hrs just about.
But like you, saw our son when he made a quick visit to England last summer, and it coincided with my visit to daughter there. He comes over sometimes to renew his working visa.

My son and daughter in law live in California...we live in Minnesota. They just had our FIRST grandchild. One thing that helps is we just started using this free application called “Moment Garden” to get real time updates on our new grandson Mark. Our son and daughter in law created the “Garden” for Mark. It is completely private and only available to see by invitation. We get an email everyday with any new photo about Mark or an update about him. It is truly the highlight of my day. We can also add “moments” to Mark’s garden or send comments to him or his parents. It’s a wonderful application, especially important to me because of the privacy. In this day and age I prefer not to have my personal information all over the internet for everyone to see.

I cope with absent grandchildren on the east coast of America and me in the UK, by Skype calls, emails and Flickr photos on a weekly basis. It helps to know other grandparents in the same boat, but I have to admit that it is difficult when I hear of others, with grandchildren who are a constant presence in their lives. We aim to see the family annually either here or the other side of the pond. Another coping mechanism of mine is to be on the look-out for lightweight items to send in the post or a cheerful greetings card. It gives me pleasure and I hope the grandchildren too! Not a day goes by when I don't think of how nice it would be to have them nearer, but that is not going to happen. I just try and make the best of things. I have my down days.

I have a grandchild on the west coast USA - 8 hours time difference. And yes, I post little things, post all the time. Last toy cost £6 and cost £16 to post. Though Amazon.com is the American site and they will deliver directly often at no cost.
We visited them in May, just a few weeks ago, but I miss them already, leaving little grandson was awful. Grandchildren who we see regularly and love dearly, emphasise the absence of the other.

The postage is so expensive to USA. I only post light things but the postage is nearly always as much as the thing cost in the first place! Yes, I use Amazon.com, also - very useful.

We were on the East Coast in May and I settle back over here in the UK eventually, after the jet-lag, which I find really difficult. My only grandchildren are in the USA, so I know no different, I guess. Skype is such a Godsend. I probably hear more from my son in the USA, than I do from the one over here! I try to keep busy over here, but then end up exhausted. C'est la vie. I can get really down sometimes, I have to admit, but I have some great hobbies and good friends. Hope this helps others.

Lots of support here and common sense but we all know it doesn't alter the fact that we are here and they are there, and the ache of separation never goes away.

Oh Frances I have read your post at a difficult time in my life too! I will need tissues any second. Eldest daughter, husband and our 2 gcs moving to New York state at end of November due to amazing job opportunity. Have seen 9 and 5 year old gc every week since their birth and looked after them one day a week, now school pick ups and sleepovers. I am told we are being very supportive but we are heartbroken. Our son and wife live in tokyo and 2gc there of 3 and 10 months have Skype hookups with them so very used to that. On top of that youngest daughter split with her partner in jan and have a 2 year old gc who is ver confused with whole sitution and wants to go back to her home and cat. Our dog off to vets today for scan of abdomen to see if there are any masses going on to explain his failing health. We are house moving too. On plus side middle daughter and gc are happy and my parents are well. Actually maybe not tissue i need but good friends and wine! Sorry to go on but advice and support needed . Thanks for reading this if you get to end x

Very true

I have a 3 year old grandson in Singapore and another one due in a months time. We have FaceTime every Sunday and see them once a year but it will be hard when the baby is born knowing I won't get that first cuddle for months.
Last time I saw the three year old I bought 2 identical giraffe soft toys,one for him and one for me. I take photos of my one (Jeffrey) wherever I go and write a short story around Jeffrey's week with photos of him at the checkout at Tesco, looking at cows in a field etc. and email it off. My grandson with the help of his mum does the same with his giraffe (Joshua) and sends me lovely photos of them both enjoying life on the other side of the world. At Christmas they are all coming over and the giraffes will be reunited and have some adventures together!
It does help reduce the feeling of being an absent grandparent. When we have our weekly Facetimes the first thing my grandson says is "where's Jeffrey?"

What a lovely idea SaracensGirl. I like your GN name too.

I also love your idea. We have a monkey which stays by the computer and we use it to try to engage our one year old grand-daughter when on FaceTime. I think we will start to take "Monkey" out and about with us. We send postcards when we are away but in future we will make our own - featuring Monkey! Thank you so much for sharing your idea. It is SOOO hard being so far away.

I have 5 precious long-distance grandchildren. Two were born in Japan,but are currently and temporarily living in England and three live in Bali. My eldest granddaughter is soon going to University in Japan. I first saw her when she was eight months old and fell in love. In those earlier days we wrote letters,(me, mostly) and sent photographs. Now we have Skype. Wonderful. My eight year old in Bali plays ingenious games with me through this and reads funny jokes. I have been able to see them growing up. Admittedly, as the girls in Bali get older they are often attached to their Ipods/Ipads, but this is the time to make sure I am IT savvy and keep up-to date! We now can do instant messaging and whizz photos around!
The cost of Mail has rocketed, but I try to send "Small Packets" at Christmas and for Birthdays. I am always to be seen in shops holding objects in the palm of my hand testing their weight. The Jaqui Lawson website is wonderful for its cards and worth the small subscription.
Now I am retired I make an annual visit with a suitcase full of things like Headlice killer, low sodium salt and M&S knickers.
They like to visit in their Summer holidays, but this is not always on the cards, because, as time goes by, air-fares are becoming prohibitive for them. When they are here, nothing matters, housework can wait. I have found I can squeeze under beds and in cupboards for Hide and Seek, encountering,but ignoring the dust. Water play in the garden and in the bathroom has always been somewhat "over the top"!
Where your grandchildren ARE is not important, their very existence is all you need to focus on and let your heart fill with joy!

Fid A lovely, upbeat post . It was a pleasure to read.

I have the BBC weather app on my iPad and I check the weather in their city to see what it's like walking to school for them. Only a little thing but I've done the school walk with them so I just imagine it's me doing it for a fleeting moment.

Oh lovely Gransnetters, I'm so glad to read some of these ideas. I will certainly buy identical cuddly toys and send stories and photos of them to grandchildren in LA. It's a brilliant and cheering way to share times with really little ones. My granchildren have been away for exactly a year now and I miss them a lot, but am finding online calls and visits do make things possible. I really take to heart Fid's wonderful thought that we should do our best to shrug off miseries about their location and instead rejoice in their very existence.
Thank you!

I ve been reading to my grand daughter on Skype for nearly two years now, with copies of the same picture book in London and Seoul, and it works well. She looks at the book her mother is holding and I read to her, giving the text some 'wellie', sometimes pointing to something we both like on a page and sometimes asking her questions like 'Is this the Big Bad Mouse?' in The Gruffalo s Child, for example. A heart warming way to connect with a grandchild.

This thread is so wonderfully informative.
I have printed it all out to read through at my leisure. And to refer to.

Reading this has made me realize how lucky I am. When my granddaughter was born three and a bit years ago, I found it hard that we lived 132 miles away. Now I can see how lucky I am. It only takes two and a half hours down the motorway or slightly less by train and I can be with her. It also means I can help out with child care. It would, of course, be perfect if they lived in the same town, but these posts have shown me how much harder it is for so many of you.

In October 2013 this was the first thread i ever posted on as I had been feeling a bit down about having our only DGD living in the USA, a long way from us in Malta.

Well, I am a long distance nana no more. Unfortunately, our DD2 has divorced her very nice American husband and come back to live in Malta. At present, she and DGD are living with us so, although we are very sad that they have split up, the joy of having DGD (now aged 4) with us is indescribable.

I have found a lot of support here on Gransnet and to think it would never have happened without this thread.

and (((hugs))) to all of you who are missing your grandchildren, I do know how it feels.

I too contributed a couple of years. My news is more positive. My son and family are moving from Guyan to Barbados. This will mKe our live SO much easier. It is easier to get to, safer to move around, we can drive there and. Oh I could go on for ages. So, ok they are not moving back to the UK but we will be seeing more of them so we are happy for that!
For the past two years we have been meeting up with them for two weeks in Florida - a great place for family get togethers. I have to say I will miss my trips to the outlet centre!!!

Imprinting on your GC. I'm the one who moved away- many years ago, from the US to England. So now I have 2 lovely GG - toddlers, and in addition to my DD having many photos of me in their home, and Skype, it occurred to me that when people talk about very powerful memory triggers it is always the smell of a person and slightly less so, a particular song that that brings them right back to a certain time, place and person. As I wanted something unusual and the fact that I was a teen in the 60's, I chose patchouli fragrance. Every time I am with my grandchildren, I spray a light dose on. My DD and DSIL roll their eyes but understand why I'm wearing it. And as the eldest is only two, we are still picking a song. But I'm hopeful that these two things will bring me right back to them long after I'm gone. (Both after visits as well as eternal rest!)

Long distance relationships are so much easier nowadays. I left my family in NZ for the OE back in the 60s, married and had my children here. Back then the only contact was a fortnightly aerogramme as telephoning was prohibitively expensive as were plane fares. I visited about every 8 years. I used to send lots of photos. As long as I know my family is well and happy, I am happy. Skype is wonderful, I only wish it had existed when my parents were alive.

Some of you have such good ideas - imprinting scents, sounds and visions in the form of identical soft toys on the little ones is a great idea. And reading to them on skype whilst looking at the same book. Seeing them wandering around in the background while you chat to their parents.