Being a long distance granny

Oh, me too Jess. I get so fed up with the 'Not another holiday!' comments. It's bloomin' hard work but I love it and am ready for a proper holiday once I return home!

JessM Absentdaughter, who is a born haggler, did a deal with the local motel so that we had a standard room, kitchenette and bathroom but paid truckers' rates because we were there for three months. (The truckers share a sort of dormitory.) We also had to make our own bed but otherwise had maid service – not exactly a hardship.

My daughter lives almost 300 miles away from us. I visit as often as I can, but it's not always easy. I am conscious that I'm in their space, and that to a degree, their normal lives go on hold while I'm there. As much as I love them all, I practically run home at the end of the visit (I agree, Jess, not a holiday!). I understand that I cannot, and should not, be a priority for my daughter, who has three young children and a part-time job. And I see that what bags is saying is that you almost have to suspend your own needs for that period - which is what if try to do (not always successfully, if I'm honest!). Don't be upset, Hopeful, when you post on GN, you have to expect a whole range of views, some of which will run counter to your own. Take it as it comes, I say!

hopefulnanny

My eldest daughter has the opposite. After her husband moved to live with D1 his brother and two sisters also moved too. After her BIL and SIL had their first baby my daughter and SIL found out MIL was visiting but she didn't tell them. It's a plane ride away and involves two flights or a flight and boat. MIL only visits for weddings or to see new grandchildren. My daughter could not understand how her MIL could fly over and not visit her then three year old grandchild. My SIL was sad to think his mother was in town and hadn't told them.

Now SIL's youngest sister is having her first baby. Nana and Granddad are both visiting this time but SIL's sister doesn't want them staying at her house the whole time so paid for them to stay at a nearby hotel for a week. My daughter said they could have stayed with them, her girls would love nanny and granddad to spend more time at their house. This visit they will stay only one night with my daughter and SIL and one night with his younger brother who now has two children. The rest of the time they will stay at a hotel even though they have four young grandchildren who would love their grandparents to be with them.

How could you not want to spend as much time as possible with grandchildren who you might not even see for a few years. It's not as though they will be sightseeing. I do find people strange sometimes.

How very odd, Faye! There's nowt so queer.....

Nice to know how other grans cope. Having been very active in looking after our grandsons (3 and 5) they are off 8000 miles to the Falklands for two or probably four years. We may be able to visit in a year's time. I know we can Facetime, etc. but after almost daily contact the thought of not being able to cuddle them is breaking my heart. I'm trying to be brave for the sake of my son (and wife) who has landed a great job and they are so excited about the adventure. They leave in two weeks. My stomach keeps lurching at the thought. I'm really happy for them but it is so hard to let go of our only son. We comfort ourselves with the thought that they should all have a happy time there (thanks Speldnan).

Missing your grandchildren will be hard, rockgran, but I hope you and they will get great enjoyment out of the family adventure that is about to happen. I hope you can visit them as soon as possible and that you have a wonderful time doing so. Wishing you all the best.

Although time spent with my seven grandchildren is less frequent than I would wish [twelve months between gatherings with six of them,] the quality of that time is tip-top. Happy memories together with the occasional email and 'phone call, sustain me from one visit to the next. All I need to know is...they are safe and thriving.

for rockgran

rockgran, coincidentally, I've just come back from a U3A meeting where the speaker was telling us about a trip to the Falklands to see penguins and other wildlife. It sounds very exciting, and a very friendly community. Good luck to your family.

I've never posted on here before but I thank you all for your words of comfort. How nice to know there is a shoulder to cry on.

nowt so queer faye but some older people just don't seem to have that grandparenting software installed do they?
aw rockgran a sad time for you.

I've always encouraged my daughter and her husband to work abroad if the opportunity arose, mainly because I stopped my ex husband from doing so [well, I was happy for him to work abroad sometimes, it's just that I didn't want me and the children to go with him] and the friends we had that did up and move are all so much better off financially than we are now. But, if they did I would be devastated. I would imagine that having to put on a brave face makes it even harder. At least you can talk to people about it on here, rockgran.

Tegan - I empathise with your post, and will long distance grannies. One of my daughters is travelling currently, next stop possibly the land of Oz. So many of their generation land in Oz, and find it a land of opportunity where they'd like to settle. I'm so pleased she is taking some time out to travel, but I dread the idea of her liking Oz or the US so much that she decides to settle there. I'd have to button my lip, and be totally supportive, but I know I'd be weeping inside.

It certainly helps to talk about it. Thanks everyone. I am also trying to look at the positives. I would rather they were happy abroad than miserable here. Also we will gain a bit more time for our hobbies and days out. I want to have plenty to tell them when we Skype so they don't feel sorry for us! I don,t ever want them to feel guilty about pursuing their dream because I really admire their spirit.

And I admire your spirit that shows in that last post, rocky

That's better Bags

So was the post to which I was responding.

The thing is Jess they are only early sixties, the MIL is 61. The other thing my daughter mentioned is when her in laws are visiting the four of their seven children and families who live in the same city never all get together with the parents. The in laws only spend time separately with their children, maybe they just don't like crowds.

Very odd, I agree, but a minority of people just don't seem that keen on the company of their kids or grandchildren. Possibly glad to see the back of the kids when they left home? Not child focussed and therefore not grandchild focussed either.
I didn't mean that I thought they were frail elderly and past it - just not that interested.

Rockgran you sound an amazingly good mum and grab. I don't think I could cope with that so well. [hug]

Gran. Not grab! (Kindle Fire)

Aka! That was so patronising to Bags!

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa J0

Thanks JO8 but I'm just trying to put a good spin on something I can't change. I don't want to add to their problems by being negative. We have been lucky to have them near for so long and hopefully the grandkids won't forget us if we skype regularly.

rockgran You are the type of grannie that grandkids the world over need and love.