got to get to know granddaughter before i can babysit

I agree with whenim64 about taking pleasure from the other grandparents' relationship with the children. A child can't have too many loving people in his or her life and they seem able to make room for all of us given the opportunity.

I'm sorry to join this late. It seems to me that modern parents are very controlling . I just handed my abides over to my mother grateful for a few hours of but I literally had to pass the feeding test, the changing test, the pushing the buggy test. When the children were little I was given a list of rules and a list of times. The parents used to phone to check if they were napping at the right time. In eight years I don't think our older grand child has had a dozen sleepovers here. More importantly, we have a good relationship with our son and daughter in law and wonderful relationships with our grand children. It hurts at times but we have learnt to roll with it.

I too agree with when - it is lovely to see our GC enjoying time with the other set of grandparents, and to know that they are learning to develop loving relationships with others. There are lots of things that the others can do that we cannot because of our physical limitations - but they do quite different things with us - lots of reading and cuddling and making things and sitting by the piano singing songs - activities that do not involve good mobility.

The bottom line is that they are not our children and our job is to help support our own children to be parents - but on their terms. Biting the tongue is a regular occurrence!! - and we have no right to demand anything.

Hi, I'm new to GN so have spent some time just reading through threads, getting to know how it works, what sort of things are talked about etc.
But having come across this convo I feel compelled to 'put in my 2 penn'orth' as they say.
NannyRodders please, please get your bum down there and get to know your GD for no other reason than to do just that. Don't have a means to an end, if you've been invited, for god's sake go...not going is like sticking two fingers up and saying 'shan't, unless'.
I have 4 gorgeous GC and am lucky in that they are all close by, and I see them quite frequently. But that's because I've never asked for a 'lend'. When they were tiny I went to them, had a cuddle if I could, or just sat gazing adoringly while chatting to Mum and Dad. They quickly got used to me being around, started smiling when I came, which gave their parents the confidence to say 'would you mind having them for an hour while I nip to the shops?'.....which soon turned into, 'could you babysit?'.
Sitting in your own home waiting is not 'making yourself available', that's just expecting them to jump to your tune.
My GC are 8,6,4 and 3, and we have just had our 1st mass sleepover in the summer holidays. They all came, we camped on the lounge floor and a great time was had, but when they were little I always babysat there. The only time I did an overnight when they were little was when the next one was on the way...needs must really!
Another good reason to go is to get to know your DIL better too, and give her confidence in you. If you're not responding to invites she may be a little nervous that you don't really want to, and if you're not careful, she'll stop asking.
By the way, I have 3 sons, therefore 3 DIL's, and am pleased to say we all get on fine...we're not best buddies, we do have differing opinions on child-care, but have a healthy respect for each others views, and we can all spend a whole day under the same roof without a cross word.......that's what being a family is, and particularly what being a GP is...after all, these little darlings are not our children, they are theirs. The only 'right' we have is to love them, and be there for them when they need us, and I can tell you it is the best feeling in the world.
Go see her, go love her, don't expect anything from it...you'll be surprised I bet!

Good post gratefulgran

Thanks Gorki, didn't think my first post on GN would be so heartfelt, but there you go. I am known for my verbal/typing diarrhoea though, get me going on a subject I'm passionate about, and there's no knowing when it will end. And I am VERY passionate about my gorgeous 'tiddlers', they make life very worthwhile (grin)

Oops, can tell I'm new, wrong brackets used lol

What a smashing post, gratefulgran. Very good advice

Great debut grateful! Welcome.

Hello, grateful! Nice to meet you, and couldn't agree more.

Aw thanks peeps, glad I joined up. My tiddlers are very important to me, and I love them dearly. I raised my boys alone from 5,7 and 9, so my family is very important to me. I may not like what they do sometimes, but I will ALWAYS be there for them if I possibly can.......and I must be doing something right 'cos they all launch themselves at me when I see them for lots of hugs and kisses...LOVE IT!!!!

gratefulgran54 - exactly!!

I love the idea of a mass sleepover . What a great post,

grateful - I'll join in with the 'great post' brigade. Good to read of such a positive and giving attitude.

Fantastic post gratefulgran, loved it and well said. They are not ours and we have not God given right to them. I have eleven of the little gorgeousones and have never never pushed to 'have' them. I am there if the parents need me and visit them because I love them. They in turn visit us for (I hope) the same reason.

gratefulgran, looking forward to hearing much more from you. You really 'tell it like it is'. Lovely!

When I arrived in NZ in May this year, the one-year-old was less than enthusiastic, bursting into loud tears if I so much as looked at him when he first encountered me on any given occasion . (Obviously he didn't remember me from last year and he had never met Mr absent). Now he runs into the living room on Wednesdays and Fridays when he spends those days with us, and breaks into a huge grin on the occasions that I collect him from kindie. The others seem to regard my house as an extension of their own and all five come for frequent sleepovers. I have managed a sleepover for all five at once even though there is only one single spare bed and a Portacot.

I think the children are at ease with us because we are at ease with them. This sense of ease comes naturally – you can't force it any more than you can make them love you.

How lovely for you, absent. What a perfect result for your emigration.

Goodness - yes - Humbertbear, agree to a point. When I first took my year old DGS out for the day I was handed a large (well too large for a one year old) picnic bag with his food. There was also a list of instructions ie

1. he has his corn snack at 10am with his juice

2. don't give him his milk until after his lunch

3. there are sandwiches cut into slices for him to hold, he holds them in his
right hand. Please make sure he doesn't choke and watch him at all times
he is eating.

This list went on and on.I had had 5 children all of whom grew up to be adults. Yes, I did trap my DD's finger in a door jam and took the top off (it was sewn back on, albeit crookedly but I try not to look at it because I am engulfed in guilt. The same DD swallowed a packed of soluble junior asprin which she had taken out of my jacket pocket, hanging on the buggy handle. Apart from that (which the DIL new knew about they are pretty well unscathed)

Now I look after any of them without lists or problems, I do admit though that the mums do tend to text or phone to check whether their offspring are ok.

correction: The DIL did not know about! otherwise I wouldn't have been surprised at her lists etc.

I was told by a friend to say with a deadpan face"we have done every thing you asked"
My DD told me not to iron when I first had DGD (8weeks at 8months old)She felt that I would let DGD play on the floor by my feet and she would pull the flex of the iron and it would fall on top of her and scar her for life. I very politely pointed out that neither she nor her sister had any scars from burns and that all the damage we could muster from their childhood was a green stick fracture for DD2 in the school playground.
I took it as a golden opportunity to support local initiative and have sent my ironing to Crease Relief in Durham ever since.

another welcome to gratefulgran. The responses to the OP are so similar, NannyRodders, has it made any difference to the way you feel about your situation.

When I look after my two youngest gc, my grandson, age 10, gives me lots of instruction about my granddaughter, age two!

Just keep being friendly and don't keep thinking about how you feel ,Nanny Rodders. In the end GC do what they want to do when they get older. Had lovely telephone call this week from Student GS in his room at uni, text message from GD may she come to tea with boy friend and visit from eldest Gs who pops in frequently. What more could one ask. Never had any of them for sleepovers.

What a wonderful post gratefulgran and welcome from me as well. I love the part that you say "the only right we have is to love them and be there for them when they need us" I think that is a wonderful sentiment and so very true. I have 5 DGC and only 2 of them live in this country, but I love them all equally and I am very close to them all and what an honour that is. And please keep posting your honest views.