Teenage boy not talking

YorkieChris many teenagers are uncommunicative with relatives for all sorts of reasons. My nearly 14 year old grandson has turned into Kevin the Teenager, mumbling and using monosyllables when asked what did he grunt say? He has grown his hair so only a little of his lovely face peeps out, as have all his friends. In the company of friends, or when he doesn't realise he is being listened to, he chats as normal. It's a stage he's going through. Can't wait for him to get to the next stage, by which time he'll probably disappear to university and we won't get the benefit of his newfound communication skills!

Exactly what I was going to say when. Not that I have 14 year old grandson but I did have two 14 year old sons.

This brings back memories of DS2 who at that age lived in his room and spent as little time with any of us as possible. If pressed he would declare that he didn't like us and had nothing in common with any of us. We had a few horrible years but it did change gradually I'm glad to say. He is now 24 and when we see him (not often - busy!) he never stops talking. He even came on holiday with us last year, of his own free will! Try not to let it get to you, I think it's a fairly normal part of male development and they do come out of it, usually turning back into nice people

I think it's a bit unfair of the boys father to make jokey comments though; old enough to know better. Mind you, I'm impressed that he does go with his parents when they're visiting. Went to a party years ago and everyone there was amazed that my kids had agreed to go as well. It is strange isn't hearing one monosyllablisitc [sp] teenager nattering away to his mates [although quite reassuring as well].

Same here as everyone else, boys seem to go through this stage but they do come out the other end eventually.

Sounds fairly normal to me. It's a stage that teenage boys frequently go through. It'll pass. Hang in there.

sounds like my brother and my son.

Nothing strange with him at all YorkieChris we have just come out the other side with DGS4 and he is 17 and he has suddenly found how to communicate again after a couple of quiet years,and his elder brother still like's to use as least words possible when it comes to adults but with his college friends he never stops talking so don't take it personal it's a passage of time for boys,I dread DGD age 12 over the next few years if she is anything like her mum was I'll tell her to come back when she's 21 and not before

Yes, another one here finding it normal - and don't assume he agrees with his father. If you are determined to talk, try to find a common ground but never make him the centre of attention, they hate it. I used to sort of meander through subjects until something struck a chord, but school is not a popular subject, I doubt you will know any music he likes and you won't know his friends. It's tough. You can try asking what he wants to do when he leaves school as long as you don't knock it - everyone is entitled to their dreams. Admire a piece of clothing even if you hate it. Don't feel rejected, it's a phase and much of it is to do with not knowing where they stand - not a child, not an adult, having lost the ability to give spontaneous hugs.

PS I have an 18 year old son, so we have talked about these things recently.

Oh and if just before I forget YorkieChris my eldest DGS23 will always greet me with a warm hug and "I love you nanna" so proof it does get back to normal whatever that is ?

This sounds pretty normal for a 14 year old boy. My nephews, and grandsons all went into a rather silent place at that age. They all grew out of it, and are lovely young men now. I agree with Tegan's point about it not being helpful for his dad to joke in this way. But - lots of men communicate with their sons in this way I suppose.

Kevin the teenager is alive and kicking in our family as well. Seventeen year old DGS1 has just emerged from this phase and spent a great deal of time chatting to us over Christmas....some of the longest conversations we have had with him for about two years! DGS2 is 15 and slap bang in the middle of the big silence - with the occasional grunt but he's just had some excellent mock GCSE results so we'll forgive him anything. DGS3 is nearly 14 so we know we'll soon be bidding a temporary farewell to his sunny smile and silly jokes. DGS4 is only 11 so he has a way to go before he retreats to his room for the duration!!

Bite back at his father if he makes a remark you feel is sarcastic or hurtful. You are entitled to make a sharp retort. Don't stand for it but just make sure there's a big smile for your DGS so he knows you're not displeased with him.

There's nothing interesting about old people when you're 14. He's bored out of his box. I think his parents are unwise to keep dragging him over to see you when he quite clearly would rather be somewhere – anywhere – else.

NO NO I have two sons of my own. I knew that one day that this would happen to me again. there have been times when I have given myself a talking too so that I would be ready for when it happens. this post has made me realise that in a year or two my heart will be broken again. Oh I know that they eventually return as loving young men., I know only to well that for all concerned you have to let go but it hurts it really hurts. Perhaps the remarks by his dad are just banter or he can see your pain and he's trying clumsily to fill a void. if your already feeling a little sensitive the remarks hurt more. Well at least that's how I'd feel in your shoes. Hold tight love is never wasted once he has gone through this stage he will return to be your loving adult grandson

Yorkie They don't speak, they grunt for instance "Urgh-u-ur-uh"means I don't know, emphasis on the I. "Wha???" means What? and so on. My 17 year old grandson is a beautiful, well mannered and lovely young man - he sometimes comes round with his dad and stepmum but if not I don't worry. He has been quiet since about 14 and after having two rowdy sons and one quiet one I don't worry about it at all. This is what boys are like, as absent said older people aren't really that interesting to some youngsters. With my DGS I catch up with him on Facebook Chat. If he is on there I will message him and send a funny face or something. He will answer on there and always says 'I love you lots' Maybe try this if you are a FB user and he is. Things will change as he gets older. Boys are a funny breed, a different species until they reach about 25.

Indeed they are. Mine is currently at home with a torn tendon. We pass like ships in the night, he has a den where he writes music and is making a computer game. I see him for about half an hour a day and he says approximately 30 words to me. I know he loves me though.

Absolutely normal I would have said. I'm sure I once heard someone explaining that, because of the way the brain develops, teenage boys really do become almost incapable of speech. Once the brain has matured a bit more they turn back into human beings.
As far as his father is concerned - this sort of crass jokiness is their idea of conversation and he probably thinks he's being hysterically funny.

Like to thank Deedaa and everyone for your kind replies. It'll be interesting when we all go on holiday in August. Possibly going to be one of the most 'silent' two weeks ever. Not sure why we agreed to it, but what's done is done and so we pretend it's going to be great!!!!!!

Sounds quite normal to me. However, just wondering if his father is your DS or DSIL? Either way, is it possible to have a quiet word with him or DD and say his "jokey" comments about your lifestyle could be hurtful - what is his problem with the way you live anyway? (perhaps DGS is picking up on this and taking his attitude from his father?).

When our youngest son was about 15, all we got out of him was (mostly) unintelligible grunts. At the time, Dave Allen was at his height, and in one of his shows he did a parody of how teenage boys talk, it was hilarious, and we all as one shouted out, "That`s our Neil!"

Not only boys: my senior GD went through an uncommunicative phase in her her early teens. Now, at 22, she is a chatty and sociable young woman.

I was going to say the same, Anno. The 20 year old granddaughter has now started communicating more, but her sister is 14 next month and everyone wondered what had happened to her since we last saw her in October. The only thing that seemed to animate her was playing Minecraft with her 11 year old cousin, a boy.

I think teenage boys revert to cavemen, disappear into their "caves" and communicate in grunts (unless they are with their peer group). However, the one thing they like is food and plenty of it, so perhaps your grandson could be tempted by his favourite food when he visits you, YorkieChris, and he will always think of a good meal when he thinks of you. Someone once told my husband that they (girls as well) go into a tunnel at about 10 and don't emerge until they're 20. I found it was more 13 - 22 myself, but they do emerge from their chrysalis eventually.