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Grandparents to adopted children

(11 Posts)
Wallygrom Thu 17-Jul-14 17:46:31

The Adoption Social has decided to start facilitating some meet-ups for parents and grandparents of adopted children across the country. These will be informal gatherings – perhaps in a coffee shop (if without the kids) or a park/zoo/woods (with the kids), and hope that they could lead to regular meet-ups, which will provide more support, understanding and even friendship for you on a local level. Some of our children don’t know any other adopted children, so these meet-ups could be a great opportunity for them to meet others in the same boat, and hopefully they won’t feel so isolated either. For more information take a look at their site: For more information please contact them on [email protected]

As a Gransnet editor, and grandmother to an adopted grandson as well as non adopted grandchildren , I am particularly interested in this and hope to be able to attend something locally with other Gransnetters in a similar position. I live in Somerset but cover Bath & Wiltshire too and would be willing to travel to help facilitate this in any of my local areas. If anybody wishes to PM me please feel free to do so, or perhaps post a comment expressing your interest in your area. Thanks

NannaAnna Thu 17-Jul-14 19:45:45

A great idea! Good luck with organising a local meet-up Wallygrom - hope it happens and starts connecting people smile

Wallygrom Fri 18-Jul-14 20:16:49

Thank you NannaAnna - I think quite often grandparents do have a different relationship with adopted grandchildren and problems that arise out of adoption for all concerned can be worrying. The Adoption Social are brilliant at supporting parents with adopted children and are happy to extend this to grandparents too. I hope we can get some meet ups sorted across the country via The Adoption Social if it helps people and for children also to meet up. smile

mcem Sat 19-Jul-14 09:53:24

Sorry - I wouldn't dream of getting involved in this. Why on earth would you single out adopted grand/children in this way? Where would I fit in, given that 2 of my 3 adult children are adopted and 1 has produced 4 GC's? Does this concept of being different carry over to the next generation? I'm too busy being gran to them to go off with other people to talk about them.
If families are having problems or concerns then of course there should be support but if there are no issues around the adoption, then why indulge in unnecessary navel-gazing?

henetha Sat 19-Jul-14 10:51:43

My two younger grandchildren are adopted, and very much loved. I have the feeling that my son and his wife would not wish me, or themselves, to get involved in something which made the children feel 'different' in any way.
Maybe it's a good idea for some, but not for my family I think.

Nelliemoser Sat 19-Jul-14 11:54:00

I am not sure about this either way.

It may be that adopted or fostered children do feel different however settled they are, particularly with regard for children who are adopted at an older age than average.

trendygran Sat 19-Jul-14 21:05:38

I would be in favour of this idea, not to single out adopted children, but just to meet and share the joys and difficulties which can arise. I have an adopted Grandson ,who is showing some behaviour problems, very probably genetic, which resulted in me being kicked, punched, spat at and called names when I babysat last week. I still love him as much as my 'natural' granddaughters, but this is hard to take, He is basically a bright, loving child, but these behaviour problems are worrying for his parents and grandparents . It would be good to be able to discuss this with other 'Adoptive' families.

TriciaF Sun 20-Jul-14 10:34:38

That must have been terribly upsetting, Trendygran. But it can happen with natural grandchildren too - our oldest was very confused when his Dad and I had fallen out, he had a new step-Dad, swore at them etc. They never got over it, though I felt they could have made allowances.
Perhaps your grandson was confused too, though as you say maybe genetics play a part.
Our second son and his wife are adopting 4 Indian children and I've visited a few times, and there were no problems, but I think they realise that I'm not their real Granny, just "Dad's" Mum. They know their own parents couldn't keep them, or had died.

TriciaF Sun 20-Jul-14 10:36:50

ps sorry I can't join the group, I live abroad.
It sounds an excellent idea.

Sunny49 Mon 17-Nov-14 22:02:12

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

nannynoo Fri 21-Nov-14 02:37:44

Sorry , touchy subject for me

My GS is in foster care and this upsets me the thought of his foster carer getting together with others when there is NO face to face support for a Grandparent almost falling apart due to the pain of separation from their blood Grandchild , it is the most awful situation to be in

There are general 'carers' groups , but to be honest , it is out of my hands the foster carer is free to do whatever she wants with my GS , take him wherever she wants I of course have no say in it all I can say is it hurts like hell