Concern over grandparents

I would not drink more than a glass or glass and a half of wine if I am responsible for any of the DGC if they stay.

Certainly they should not be teaching him, like a little parrot, how to be so rude, sarcastic and cheeky to adults, or in fact anyone. DD has had a few problems with things that her PIL have said to DGS - it is just not acceptable. It has been very difficult to deal with.

Oh Lord - how hard it is to deal with those who influence our children in ways that we are not comfortable with. The "teaching" of sarcasm to a 6 year old sounds really manipulative and gives me the shudders. I hate it when children are treated like performing monkeys in this way.

I sympathise wholeheartedly with your wish to keep your distance. If it were me I would make sure there were no further overnight stays; and would engineer to be around as much as possible when they are with the child - at least until he is a fair bit older and able to make his own judgements more clearly.

What a total pain for you.

I too love a glass or two of wine but know my limits and would not allow myself to get into a drunken state while looking after my son. As I said, she was drunk. This is also the first time she was looking after our son. My ex has also in the past had his concerns over trusting his mother and has not been comfortable with the idea of our son sleeping overnight at her house without either him or me being there too. He knows the extent to which they drink - a bottle a night on a standard working night (ie. not a holiday, special occasion or weekend when the amount would definitely increase).

I think you are comparing apples and pears absent gran. There is no way my DC or GC would be allowed to stay with someone drunk as the OP said she was,and this is from someone who loves a glass or two of wine.

OMG I've just gone into the ktchen and counted ...... there are 43 bottles of wine in the wine rack. Does this mean my GS is in mortal danger when he comes to stay

You certainly had a good sweep of the kitchen PeacefulSolution if you clocked the exact number of bottles on view. Considering the G parents were on holiday I don't see that as excessive.... We 'drink' every night.... I have glass of wine while I prepare the evening meal, and we have 1 or 2 glasses with, depending on how we feel, or who is sharing the meal with us.Both our DDs know this.... it has never been an issue.

Thanks Mishap. I had suggested to ex that I would have a word with them as it was me that had witnessed the situation, but he has said to leave it for the time being and he will wait to hear from them how they thought the visit went.

Another issue I had (although nowhere near as serious and is a personal preference) is that they have tried to teach our son sarcasm (he is 6 and doesn't grasp the concept). They think it's hilarious and got him to "perform" in front of me yesterday. They were saying to him "Who should you not be sarcastic to?". He replies "my teacher". They then say "and who is fair game?". He replies "Nanny", they say "Who else", he says "Grandad" and it does on under our son gets fed up and says "everyone apart from teachers". I mean "fair game"??? Who on earth teaches a kid that??? He'll end up being an obnoxious and cheeky child. I told him afterwards that I don't want him speaking like that so he now thinks he's in trouble and is confused as his Nanny taught him it. I didn't want to pull them up on this in front of my son, but think I should phone them to say. I've already forewarned my ex (as no doubt they will complain to him) but he says he agrees with me and will tell them so if they ask him.

Sarcasm (in my view) makes young children sound rude and cheeky - it is something he will learn on his own through time and does not need to be taught - especially by parents/grandparents who should act more responsibly. They are the first to complain / question the parenting of children they deem to be obnoxious!

I am beginning to question their influence on our son, but (and this will probably sound very unfair) at times I am relieved we live so far away from them!

I agree categorically with mishap. Ask his father how he would feel, and how he would forgive himself for making excuses, if anything happened. This is about the safety of a very young child, and your stance is spot on.

Under no circumstances would I allow a child of mine to stay. Your analysis of the danger is clear and correct and no amount of trying to avoid any family rows is worth taking that risk for.

It sounds a bit as though this lady has a history of problem drinking.

If she asks to have him again, you should say no; if she asks why you should tell her.

Sorry that you are in this awkward situation, but you need to proceed with absolute clarity about what is important.

I had a MIL who drank (and hid the bottles round our house when she came to stay) and I was always worried sick that she might fall into a drunken stupour and set light to the bed with one of her cigarettes when she was with us. I used to stay up most of the night to check all was well. What a nightmare that was.