My son is 6 and his father and I split up when he was 3. We now live an hour's flight away from him, and he in turn lives a good distance away from his mum (Nanny) and her partner.
Nanny has been keen to have our son stay overnight with them for a number of years, but we always felt he was too young. We finally agreed to allow him to have a sleepover over this half-term school holiday (for 3 nights), although Nanny & her partner travelled to near us and rented a holiday house for the period as they live a few hundred miles away from both my ex and me, and we wanted to ensure they were not too far away from me in case our son got homesick, etc.
So this was the first time Nanny had responsibility for our son for full days and nights!
Our son had great fun with them - really enjoyed himself! However when I left him up to the holiday house, I noticed there were 6-7 bottles of wine in the kitchen - they were here for 4 nights in total (3 of which our son was with them). I did feel uncomfortable (and anxious), so called up unannounced the following night when I knew our son would be asleep (to check things and put my mind at rest) with some slippers and dressing gown. Nanny was drunk - slurring, swaying and glazed eyes - at 9pm. There were 3 empty wine bottles and a couple of half drunk ones in the fridge.
Nanny's partner appeared ok - had been drinking but was more coherent. If he was not, I would have taken our son home with me!
I have phoned ex and told him what happened - that I'm disappointed that she's been drunk (potentially every night) when looking after our son and that I will not be agreeing to our son staying with them at their house on his own for quite some time. I have no issue with anyone having a couple of glasses of wine with dinner or something, but do draw the line at being drunk while being responsible for a child. What if he had to go to hospital for whatever reason, or there was a fire - could she guarantee she could get him to safety?
My ex initially agreed but has subsequently started saying that she's older (65 years old) and was probably tired. But that doesn't explain the amount of alcohol they had in the house, and we all know they drink every night and have seen Nanny in this state many times - no one (my ex or her partner) want to broach the subject with her!
Am I being too harsh or am I justified in not agreeing to sleepovers at their house?
PeacefulSolution Fri 31-Oct-14 14:10:29
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