Battle of the breakfast

In the early 70s, I just could not believe it when my next door neighbour gave all her 3 boys a choice every evening. They would walk into the kitchen, 1 at a time, and she would ask them what they wanted. Egg and chips, sausage and chips, baked beans on toast, etc. she would then cook it and give it to them one at a time and they would go and eat it on their lap in front of the telly. Her OH would not eat anything without chips- she even made spagetti bolognese... with chips.

At home when I was a kid, we always ae together at the table and we certainly never had a choice- although I was never forced to eat liver or kidneys- as I just could not- the smell would make me heave. Must say I am hugely impressed with DD1 and sil and the fact GC are not given a choice- but have a limited list of 5 foods they can refuse (see previous post)- they have a really healthy diet and eat a huge variety.

I used to be quite picky when I was a child, but I grew out of it. I was never made to eat anything if I really didn't want it, I don't know why, perhaps my dad was glad that his son didn't have to go hungry the way he had. I never saw my father leave food except when he was dying. When we stayed with family there was a really frosty atmosphere if I left food, my cousin's husband would tell me how his mum would take food away if he left it, and then put it back on the table again at the next mealtime. That went on until he ate it.

Choice was the worst thing that happened within school meals in my opinion. The school I worked in introduced the cafeteria system and went from serving a healthy well balanced meal each day with chips offered very much as a treat, to serving chips with everything and I do mean everything. The staff on duty in the dining room and the dinner ladies all tried really hard to encourage the children to try the healthy options but in the main it fell on deaf ears. The majority of children between the ages of 5 and 11 would appear to like burgers and chips. Well what a surprise!!

GS2 who is 2 on Boxing Day has been refusing to wear jumpers or caots in the cold weather and definitely won't walk on reins. At my house he wears jumpers and coats if I produce them and is happy for me to put the harness on, with just a little argument about which of us will hold the reins. I've not made much of a point of it all, he just seems to accept that this is hoe I do things.

I do have reservations about this; DD1 used to dislike bread and I persuaded her to eat it 'to fill her up', she didn't like cake or biscuits much but I didn't force those on her, I tried to persuade her to at least have a bowl of cereal in the morning if nothing else and she used to complain of tummy ache afterwards.
After many years of problems which no-one (including the GP) could understand she was diagnosed as coeliac, which she must have had since she was a baby.
I wouldn't force a child to eat anything or make it go hungry because it really didn't like something (as opposed to a bit of fussiness) because of our experience.

Wonder if 'choice' is another development I need to get my head around? My two ate what was put in front of them, obviously not foods they didn't like, no snacks between meals and I can't remember if either ever rebelled....
DD is vegetarian and DS eats anything, as does his 16 months old son who has the most amazingly diverse diet I've ever seen! Definitely pudding was subject to an empty first course plate too.

Offering a choice is ridiculous - you are not a restaurant. Everybody gets the same, with wait-and-see for pudding! Well, that's how it always was, but now I understand grazing is the norm.

Why do parents these days give their children a choice of what they want to eat? Presumably it is so that they eat it - hence the discussion on this thread - but when I was young we were not asked, we were just given whatever it was our mother was providing that day and we were expected to eat it, which we did. I'm not sure all this choice is a good thing, especially if they don't eat it after they've chosen it. Anyway, good for grannyactivist for sticking to her guns.

SIL is quite Victorian for some things. Grandkids are allowed 5 foods they don't want to eat. The other day they had Brussels sprouts at luchtime, and GD was only given 3- she said she didn't like them. Fine, said her dad, would you like Brussels sprouts to go on your list of 5? Yes daddy, was the reply. OK, then, which one are we taking off the list, as we've got one too many. Silence.... more silence.... then OK daddy I'll eat them.
Impressed, we were.

DGD2 is here today; she likes Readybrek but did not manage to eat much of it. I then found two chocolate Smarties penguins with their heads bitten off! So nothing then until lunch apart from water when she ate a full bowl of the dreaded pasta shapes in sauce (see other thread) with grated cheese followed by a yogurt!

As for 'No' I found a small framed saying years ago which I bought for DD:

'Just which part of NO don't you understand?'

It sound as tho the child's mother was already using the "nothing else till lunchtime" method and it hadn't worked.

Possibly the child was feeling short of attention, as his father is away and mother is very busy, and that's why he has been acting up.

When people say "That child is trying to get attention", they usually imply that the child shouldn't be given any attention, but sometimes attention is what the child desperately needs.

grannyactivist, you seem to have tuned in to exactly the right thing to do for your DGS.

Annie of course schools can discipline children. Just not physically. There are acceptable ways of getting children to behave as those of us who've worked with them over several decades know well. They don't include forcing a child to sit from breakfast time to lunch time over a disagreement about a weetabix.

Unusual things like mushrooms are not the same - they have a distinctive texture, which can be most unpleasant if you don't like it. DD1 used to leave a ring of mushrooms round the edge of her plate whenever I included them in anything (Now, of course, she loves them and will eat up anyone else's helping for them)

But if he makes a habit of choosing things himself and then not eating them, then he is repeatedly wasting food, and thence money. If what is on his plate is what he put there, then it can be reasonably assumed that he likes it and wants it, and he can learn to gauge just how hungry he is and choose accordingly.

If everyone did the same, there would be less food bought just to throw away - and perhaps it would extend into buying things for the sake of spending money. There is a lot of obscene consumerism to contrast with real poverty and deprivation.

Anya I'm afraid I think our schools are much worse places as a result of adults not being able to discipline children and the children thus thinking they can do what they like.

I used to do voluntary cycle training and I gave up because of the increasing levels of bad behaviour one found in the local primary schools.

Well done GA, I'd have done the same. It sounds like a bit of boundary testing and establishing, I think children need to know where they stand and his happy behaviour later in the day shows he wasn't intimidated, he understood!

I've a friend who has encountered similar with her GD and DD. She has looked after GD for extended periods from an early age and GD is very good about eating what she's given, being tidy, not touching things that are out of bounds etc whereas when she's with her mother, it's a constant fight!

I agree with you jane. My husband and I only ever went to one of those eat all you can buffets because we could not stand the amount of food wasted on the plates.
GA, I once tried that with my son over mushrooms. He sat from lunch time to dinner and never touched them. He definitely won because I never tried it again.

Sorry, janerowena, I don't understand what you mean by 'that's not what it's about'. What is it not all about?

And surely children's parties are a completely different kettle of fish altogether...

Ana that's not what it's about. It's about teaching them not to take more than they need in the first place. I never put too much food on a plate to start with.

The first birthday party I held for children was a revelation. It felt more like a smash and grab raid, but they ate barely a quarter of what they took. I gave them party picnic boxes after that.

As he was going to bed this evening my grandson asked me if he could have weetabix for breakfast in the morning and told me that he would "definitely eat it all up without behaving badly".
On another thread recently I explained how this child has been 'acting up' recently for his mother and yesterday morning was a prime example of that. Interestingly he has been much calmer since the breakfast incident and considerably nicer to his mother.
I guess you had to be there to really see what was going on. Both child and grandmother were very calm and relaxed about the incident. It was NOT about punishment, but about consequences - and grandson gets that.

If my lot ask for Weetabix they get it and are expected to finish it because it is Grans rules , they get one and can have another if they want . If they want another cereal that works the same , but breakfast has to be eaten if they pick it, if they say they don't want anything they are probably ill , they don't eat porridge .... fair enough I didn't like it as a child either .
I don't think the dinner ladies could care less what they eat

Had it been at school and an adult (teacher or dinner lady for example) forced a 5-year old to sit with their school dinner in front of them for this length of time, they would have faced disciplinary action.

The conclusion I have drawn from this is that he prefers porridge.

I would always coax a child to eat but I personally would not make a child sit at the table for almost three hours forcing them to eat.

Neither do I know of child or adult who,will eat 'anything'. Everyone's taste is different and what some people love to eat, others will find very unpalatable.

If my children asked for something I knew that they liked but left it on the plate I would say that's it until the next meal. No room for dinner no pudding (or what ever.)
As it was they generally were the sort that loved their food enough to usually finish it off.

On my kitchen wall is a portrait of me drawn by DGD. A bubble is coming out of it and in it is written one word 'NO'.

I do not say 'no' often, but when I do, DGC know that I mean it.

But I don't think that you won this battle GA

GS took at least three hours to eat one Weetabix and he had you dancing to his tune all morning .... extra sugar, extra milk, re-heating, etc.

1 - 0 to GS I'd say