THAT huge question

We certainly had formal agreements with my sister who had children as an older mum, and informally between DSIL and us for our children (all adults now). Not discussed with DS and DIL so something to broach with them....

When ours were little we had a mutual arrangement with DH's sister to take on the left children. Luckily, I'm an only child and he just has the one sister, and we three DC each so it was balanced and there was no conflict with other siblings. Against solicitors advice everything was left to the surviving family since they would need to buy a larger home, etc. We trusted each other - a concept unknown to the legal profession.

Our children have all now set up similar arrangements with their siblings altgough it involved more discussion since there are three of them with a total of four GC and uneven resources.

My DD and SiL have discussed this in the past. They asked me if I would mind them asking friends of theirs to be living guardians of their children.
I have no problem with this at all. Her friends are lovely people and would encourage us to keep our present relationship with our DGC. I think it is a good idea. DH and I are not getting any younger and four children, two on the autistic spectrum, would be too much for us.

Same with ours Vampirequeen. Sensible decision we think as we are already in our 70s (how did that happen?)!

My daughters have arranged this between themselves. If either of them and their partners die the other daughter will take the children.

This is such a complex matter for many people and we are happy that arrangements are in place that do not include us except to still be their GPs who love and will see them as we do now.