THAT huge question

Just found this thread. I think Grandparents aren't always the best people to take over the care of little grandchildren.

Of course they would definitely step up if needed (GF) but if there are aunties and uncles or good friends, they would probably be more suitable because of the age factor.

When my first grandson was born nearly 7 years ago he had two sets of healthy grandparents, now two of them have gone .

It depends on the age of the grandparents really and also the grandchildren.

When my children were little we had an arrangement that if anything happened to me and DH -some good friends with small children would be their guardians. Thankfully we managed to raise our kids to adulthood without any tragedy happening.

Have/had the traditional 2 godmothers and 1 godfather and haven't seen or heard from any of them in 35 years! They appeared at our wedding and that was the first time any contact since small child.
I did send Christmas cards for a number of years but never had any response so gave up.
So wouldn't have been much use should something have happened to my parents.....

I asked my mother once what Godmothers were for and that was the answer she gave...'to look after you should anything happen to me'. Frightened me more than the thought of mum dying as both Godmothers were formidable characters, happily it never had to be put into practice.

Yes, catholics used to have just one of each, but there is much more flexibility now.

Considering my godparents, my godmother would certainly have been willing to take not just me, but my sisters on, but as a single woman holding down a senior nursing position and living in a hospital-based flat I am not sure she would have been able to. When I was about 2 years old my godfather disappeared from all our lives when his wife, my mother's best friend, died.

That was C of E. I think Catholics only had one of each.

Yes, it certainly was when I was young, granjura!

In Ye Olde Days, when we were young, lol- was it not the reason why God parents were appointed- as they normally took the responsibility not only of religious up-bringing, but taking care of child in case?

BTW, here in Switzerland and France, it was the norm for baby girls to have 2 Godmothers and 1 Godfather, and for boys the other way round. Never was the case in the UK, was it?

It still seems a very impersonal way to deal with me Flickety You'd think they could have sorted something out themselves. Somehow my parents never seemed very involved with me as a child, we were much closer when I grew up.

Deedaa the Official Guardian still exists. It essentially means making a child a ward of court and lawyers, presumably with Social Services advice deciding how the child can be cared for. In your case, they probably would have considered that your two aunts, had they been willing, were the people best able to care for you.

When we hear stories from WW2 we take the fact that Grandma took care of orphaned grandchildren for granted. I have often thought about this as becoming a grandmother in my sixties meant I was often really tired when looking after the toddlers. I often thought of the those who looked after their GCs in the post war years when most mothers went out to work.
A guardian system sounds a good idea and a maiden aunt was always much better than a home. What we have heard about these 'homes' in the last few years means that our children have to plan to prevent their own children being taken into care.

ethel i think your DD could name you as a joint guardian without you having day to day care. CAB or a helpful solicitor would be able to advise.

I was talking about this with DD recently and she said she and her husband had made a will stating that her brother would have the children. Presumably he would want them to have his little boy if the worst happened.

Years ago my mother told me that if anything happened to her and my father she would want the Official Guardian to care for me (Does this even still exist?) It struck me recently that I would have hated this and I wondered why she hadn't thought of my two maiden aunts as guardians.I used to spend a lot of time with them and although they had never married or had children I think we'd have got on pretty well. She seemed to have something against involving families and being beholden to them.

Sadly, Etheltbags1 it does happen. We had a similar case of a gran suddenly finding herself with 4 children. The church put out an appeal for beds and bedding. It took ages for her to get proper housing for them all.

this question is scary as my DD and partner have not bothered to make any plans, his parents are really shirty and don't like me and there would be a huge fight if the worst happened. as I have major health problems I would not get custody and the other gps are younger and fitter than me. I have a feeling they would not let me see DGD at all.

I knew a woman who had custody for four grandsons, her three daughters had all died in their 20s of cancer and all had been single parents and this woman looked after all of the grandkids, she is an absolute wonder, some of the boys go to their other grandparents for a weekend or so but mainly they are with their gran. It was a few years ago since Ive seen her and the kids will be teenagers now but I admire her so much. I couldn't cope with this. She had also has has a heart attack and cancer and come through.
It is surprising what we can do if we have to.

Its alright if family all live near but if you are in foreign country and think about your children being left orphans it helps if something has been arranged and put down on paper. I think jingle's comments show how she really is. I can't say more than that.
My daughters have a reciprical arrangement as we are now too old to take on young teenagers. In our case our children would have returned to the Uk and later gone to a boarding school with holidays at several places. I'm so glad it didn't happen but these days with car accidents its right and responsible for parents to show their love and concern for their children
by making plans. Parents know best who they want to bring up their children.

ooops no, the larger model Como.

Thanks jingl- belting out as we speak. It is a Hase Jena.

Sounds Lovely Granjura.

I 'm not at all convinced you can bequeath children in your will!


Well, you don't bequeath the children obviously, you appoint one or more willing relative or person to be guardian(s) to care for them until they are of age. Should the worst happen it would save a lot of anxiety and prevent the intervention of the authorities.

When my daughter was widowed she immediately made a will naming her siblings as guardians of her son in case of her death. She talked to her sister and brothers at length about various scenarios and how to ensure they kept in touch with her late husband's family. I thought it was very sensible of her.
I 'left' my money and children to my parents in law in my first will - and had a great deal of peace of mind during subsequent major illnesses. I have no doubt that my own siblings would have offered to care for my children, which is why I wanted my wishes to be known.

DD and SIL have named guardians for the DGC - I am assuming one or other of DD's sisters but haven't enquired more closely just glad to know they did that when making their wills.

Jingle, the wood burner is granit clad so that it absorbs heat whilst is it burning, and then continues to release heat for a long time afterwards- a bit like a storage heater- works really well and also looks great.

The thick granit plates are around the sides and back- the front is metal and glass, so that direct heat does radiate.

In the case of my GC the other side consider themselves of a higher class, have larger homes and feel they could give a better education to the children.

My DiL considers them, 'control freaks who are as mad as a box of frogs'. Our larger warm hearted family is what she wants should tragedy strike.

The outrage of her mother was, apparently, quite something to behold when she was given the information.

In our case, the GPs would have had the finances (just) to care for the children but not he physical ability and the sibling the energy but not the finance, so it made sense to leave everything in a trust with sibling and a solicitor friend as trustees. Otherwise our poor parents would have been struggling to cope with three energetic kids close in age.

I've also heard of the problems guardians can have accessing cash for the children - applying to some court or other (can't remember the name at this time of the morning).

But there will always be a presumption to follow the deceased parent's wishes, unless there is a very good reason not to, if the parents have expressed their own wishes for the care of the children and the person named is willing to undertake the care of them.

Problems can and do arise when parents have not made a will and have not expressed any wish as to who should look after their children if they died. Court and Social worker decisions, in the absence of any parental expressed wishes, can be unpredictable and completely exclude the blood relatives from these children's lives.