Haven't been on here for a while...

Well done you nannynoo. Onwards and upwards!

That's wonderful news, nannynoo.
Both about how you dealt with the supervision to get a successful outcome, and about you taking up new interests and activities. Sounds like you are taking care of yourself well and building up your resilience to stand you in good stead in the future.
Go, nannynoo!

It will obviously be better for my GS to have his Mum and Nannys full on attention during the visits and am bringing ingredients to make some fat free , sugar free chocolate cakes on Saturday so am very much looking forward to that!

I have a bit of an update , phew!!! LOL

I did write an e-mail to the supervisor , not critisizing as such or with any sort of personal vendetta against the contact worker as I do LIKE her and have nothing against her personally it was just not 'appropriate' professional behaviour in and after the contact sessions ( which are diffcult enough as it is! )

I got an email back THANKING ME for bringing it to their attention and APOLOGISING for it

I spoke to the supervisor today and he said we would no longer have this particular worker and it is fine and they did speak to her about what was appropriate in a contact visit and what is professional behaviour etc and she was fine with it as in realised what she had been doing and even apologised as well and said she LIKED us too! lol

We had a very good conversation and he was very glad I brought it up as they were unaware of it and they did not want it to happen in the other contact sessions she supervised either , so yes her method has been tweaked but that could actually be good for her career and to get her back on track as obviously she did it without realising and enjoyed chatting with us , bless her

But yes it is all about the child and he needs us there to INTERACT with him and he loves having our full on attention of course , bless him!!

So it worked out fine , was resolved well , we communicated very well and to the point the supervisor said after he read my e-mail he thought ''do you want a JOB?''

He did mention it to the general manager and she AGREED that the staff member needed to be talked to and they are happy in this case to change the contact worker for future visits as they want us to be comfortable as he said this centre is about the FAMILIES attending!

So that is GREAT and I feel so much better now we have resolved things and with no bad feelings all round in fact it is building up a GOOD rapport with us and the contact centre staff and management which I can't see as a bad thing at all!!!

P.S Jinglebellsfrocks you make me LAUGH

My ''difficulties in the past'' have NO reflection on my current abilities to care for my Grandson very well

I could not help having 3 bereavements in the family including my baby Granddaughter and the devastating and painful affect that had on me , don't see why that or being a tad too soft with my DD in the PAST should be held against me , how many Mothers have not even told their DD's where they LIVE and deal with the difficult fallout of that by always standing her ground nomatter what???

Anyway ''may or may not be a good thing'' I see no reason whatsoever why it would NOT be a good thing but I do understand they have to be very cautious and am happy for them to assess me to the max and the hilt

Thankfully I have a good relationship with SS and intend to always keep it that way

I don't understand how my Grandsons best interests do not coincide with mine? Please elaborate!

Anyway , things are going well and I have just started a course called 'The Happiness Course' which teaches you how to be happy in ALL circumstances to it is very appropriate right now and LOVELY to get out and meet other people as I felt the time was right to do that and I may be volunteering at a food bank once a week and for a disability charity once a month so getting out there and meeting other people is a beneficial thing to do

There is also an online course on taking care of yourself as a carer and the course is free for a limited time so I enrolled straight up!

BTW it is not just a concerted effort to get custody , it is a concerted effort to make sure I am in a GOOD PLACE so I can take care of my Grandson VERY WELL and to do that I HAVE TO BE very well , but it starts with me and my wellbeing and so something as simple as eg sorting out the contact visit problem appropriately and therefore letting out a huge sigh of relief that it has been resolved all goes well towards my peace of mind and progress x

Jane

nightowl I should clarify -I was using SW to avoid having to type out Social Services. Looks like I shouldn't have tried to be so quick. The rest of my post stands.

Good suggestion FarNorth, very diplomatic!

You're right, jingls but the problem is how to get the authorities to see it.

nannynoo is it possible for you just to query, with this person's supervisor, whether the chatty style of working is what should be happening, as it is different to the previous workers and is distracting you from interacting with your DGS?
That would not be making a complaint but would highlight to them what is happening at the visits.

I don't understand this situation at all. It seems to me the social workers/authorities are trying to be too despotic, and then not seeing it through in a proper manner. Why can't the boy go to live with his gran, with regular visits from a (properly trained) social worker? That way the 'observing' could be done in a realistic manner. It's not a case of a child being put in any danger. nannynoo obviously loves the boy.

You are right that supervised contact is a very artificial situation nannynoo and it is difficult to behave naturally when you are being observed and written about. I have often seen parents such as your daughter fall into the trap of chatting too much with the contact supervisor for a number of reasons. It can sometimes be easier than trying to interact with your child meaningfully and continuously for two hours in a small room that is not your home - I think anyone would find that difficult. A chatty contact worker can provide a welcome distraction but it is the responsibility of the worker to recognise that that is not appropriate. The parent can also fall into this trap because they want to please the contact worker who has to report on the session and therefore has a lot of control over the future recommendations. Again, it takes a skilled contact supervisor to be able to engage and put people at ease whilst not taking over the session. Although your daughter 'loves' this woman, the worker is not doing her any favours as she may be reporting back that your daughter is spending more time talking to her than playing with her son. You may be helping your daughter as well in the long run by speaking up.

Oh come on Jane. It must be partly for the grandma or she wouldn't be invited to the session.

The contact supervisor will not be a Social Worker Jane

Those were the days, when SWs supervised their own contact, seeing it quite rightly as part of their assessment of the whole family. Unfortunately, with the dramatic rise in care proceedings contact has become a huge enterprise such that there is no way SWs would have time to perform this role. There are usually specialist contact teams and the workers are not required to have any qualifications, and the standard can be very variable. Yet another example IMO of the way in which SW has been broken down into so many parts that it is sometimes in danger of becoming 'social work by numbers'.

I think Elegran's suggestion of trying to ignore the contact worker is a good one nannynoo, but if this doesn't work in one or two sessions at most I would have a word with her supervisor and ask if you can have a different worker. Unless her manager is observing her practice no one will know that this is how she operates, and it sounds as though she needs some further training/ guidance about her role.

nannynoo I thought the supervised visits were for the little boy and his mother not just a chance for you on your own to play with him. I feel very sorry for everyone involved. Mostly for the poor wee boy. Its all about him. Or it should be. The SWs have a very uncomfortable task trying to reconcile all parties and also to take difficult decisions as to who should have ultimate responsibility for the child. SW are damned sometimes if they take children from their families and damned sometimes if they don't. They have to be extremely careful as a wrong decision can be devastating. You wont want to hear this I suspect nanny but they are having to contribute to decision making between letting the boy return home to an alcoholic mother, a grandmother who has admittedly had difficulties in the past but appears to be making a concerted effort to get custody of the child which may or may not be in the child's best interests or making a clean break and new start for the boy. elegran has, as usual given you sound advice re how to manage the current SW. I understand that you are venting on this thread but the situation is all about him and his best interests which may not coincide with yours.

I do hope you get in touch with the organisation nightowl linked to.

i think you should request that she is not given your sessions to supervise. You don't need the stress of it. Be strong. He's your grandson. You have a right to spend time with him without her spoiling things.

It seems to me these authorities employ the wrong people. This woman doesn't sound very intelligent to be honest. And it sounds as though she is expecting you to help with hertroubles! What qualifications do they have to have for that job?

You definitely need to tell her, politely but firmly, that the purpose of the session is for you to interact with your grandson and that you would appreciate if she shuts the fuck up just be quiet.

No, I am not saying that the others have not been doing their job (how did you get to that from what I posted?) I am saying that if she is there to observe, then she needs to let you get on with behaving naturally so that there is something normal that she can observe.

You say her style seems to be to interact with you and ask a lot questions. I think it is OK for you to interact back (quietly, without making it a fight) and ask her if could keep the questions all together at the beginning or the end so that you can concentrate on the boy, and not be distracted from your bonding with him.

You say he ignores her - so it doesn't seem to be bothering him. That is good.

I am all for people with disabilities being in the work force , my Grandson has a disability and of course I would not want anyone to discriminate against him , but what job and what setting?

This is a highly professional job with a high level or responsibility

I think she is new as I have never seen her before and I am not saying they should sack her I just want to make a REQUEST as I honestly don't think she will be able to control herself even if I had a word with her and to be honest I don't think that is my place to tell the worker how to work

It goes with her character and who she is and I am not saying she is a BAD character or a bad person it is just not appropriate behaviour in this setting

Not sure if she needs more training or for someone to explain to her clearly what her role is but that is not my responsibility!!!!!!!!

I am not going to tell her how to do her job

The main foci of the work is OBSERVATION , so are you saying all the others who have been working there for many years are not doing their job right because they DON'T chat much with us , some NONE AT ALL because they are doing their job which is to observe and write notes not interact with us and form a positive relationship with us , that is down to the SW

Not saying the others are rude or 'not doing what the manager wants' by hardly interacting with us , they are pleasant enough but it is not a ''form a relationship'' setting that is NOT the purpose of them being there which is why they USED to swap the worker OFTEN ie it didn't really MATTER in the past who we 'got' as they all pretty much worked the same and did the same thing ie LEFT US TO IT and simply observed and took notes

SOMETIMES they might make a comment or two but it was always to the point and SHORT , not conversing throughout the whole visit!!!

So is this particular one being professional and ''doing what the manager wants her to do'' and the rest of them are NOT???

I don't think so personally which is why this one sticks out like a sore thumb!! She is NOTHING LIKE the others in her behaviour during the visits and there have been at least 6-8 OTHER workers who have supervised the sessions with us

I felt more SECURE with them because they were being PROFESSIONAL

Nothing like this has happened over the past 8 months I have NEVER had cause for complaint but I honestly think I do now

So don't "put up and shut up" Nannynoo This time is for you and your grandson to interact and bond, not for her to socialise with you. Fair enough for her to take notes (discreetly) and ask you a few questions but to monopolise the meeting is to prevent it being what it is meant to be.

I wouldn't make a big thing of it immediately with her bosses, though.

As she is so ready to chat, talk to her a bit when you first get there and ask her to be as unobtrusive as she can, because you have not seen him for a while and you find it hard to concentrate on HIM while you are distracted by what she is saying. Try not to fall out with her over it as she will be noting down your conversation!

If she takes the hint, good. If she remembers the next time and takes the hint again, all the better. If she still just can't help talking constantly, then perhaps she is not listening to her clients, in that case her bosses may think she should be with a different kind of case.

My GS doesn't 'love her' he ignores her lol

It's my DD who loves her as she is so chatty but I still feel it is TOO chatty and even my DD is not focusing on my GS like she used to in her visits if she is just observed

I don't mind a bit of friendliness but this is OTT

I shouldn't have to come home in tears and she is very much spoiling my visits with my GS

The fact that my DD likes her in my opinion is not a GOOD thing , it is like a social event , she gets to sit and chat about all sorts and does not have to interact as much as she usually has to during the visits

I don't think it is fair that I feel 'powerless' and I am still A CLIENT and they are still providing a service

The feeling of powerlessness was actually making me feel depressed

I should not have to be fighting off depression every week after a visit which is hard enough as I have to say goodbye to him every week and watch him walk away

If at least the visit is a pleasant one that keeps me going as THAT IS ALL I GET those 2 PRECIOUS hours with him and it is not fair or acceptable that I don't get to enjoy them as much as I am being bombarded with questions and being drawn into conversations I don't want to have

A happy Grandmother or Mother = A happy child and I do not want this to impact on my Grandson or have to be TENSE around him , it is tense enough being WATCHED and written about but this is ridiculous! LOL

I don't think I am willing to put up and shut up ... If it was just an occasional visit we had her for that would be FINE but we get her every single week now and to just sit and hope every week at the beginning of the visit that we ''don't get her'' only for my heart to sink yet again when she walks through the door , it is getting too much now

SHE is the one being unprofessional so why would I be the one doing something wrong if I complained???

If complaining is seen as me doing something wrong then there is something wrong! lol

They are a PROFESSIONAL body and I am sure the staff are expected to behave in a professional way and not disclose a lot of information about their own life or their personal dealings with alcoholics or the whole jumbled conversations I ''have'' to endure while I am TRYING to spend some QUALITY time with my GS who I only see once a week as it is

If I go into a depression over this due to feeling it is forced on me and there being absolutely nothing I can do about it because I am COMPLETELY POWERLESS and it gets me down then I am of no use to my GS then as it is!!!

I am battling all along to keep myself well and I feel well when I have some esteem and worth and SOME power in this at least and like I said I am still a CLIENT of this SERVICE surely???

Can you ask her (with a smile) to sit back for a while and let you and DGs talk to one another direct, as you don't get much tome with him and conversation with her at the same time is a distraction? She may not be aware of how much she dominates the meeting, particularly if she does have DD/ADHD.

If I read you right Nannynoo, this person who chats away is not the foster carer, but is some sort of social worker who is observing your visits.

It does seem odd that she is talking so much during the visit as she can't possibly see how you and your DD and GS interact together while she is interrupting.

Can you hold off making any complaint or comment for a bit and just do as you said - ignoring her and letting your DD chat away - and maybe you will be given someone else soon.

It can be really hard, as you've found, to know what is the "right" thing to do from the point of view of people in authority.

I think all you can do is try to make your visits as enjoyable as you can for your GS and yourself. Help him to understand that he always has your attention, at the times when you are there.

A key point is that your GS "loves her" and your DD can "chat away with her". Sounds like she is doing pretty much what her manager would want her to ie form a positive relationship with the main foci of the work ie your GS and DD. If you complain you could turn an unwelcome spotlight on yourself

Been thinking I might actually write a letter to the manager and make a complaint and ask that the contact worker we have be CHANGED

It is up to him then if he has a word with her or whatever but I would rather not have my ONE short visit a week with my GS SPOILT by her

I think it is one of the reasons I have been feeling a bit down this week as I feel powerless which is a horrible feeling anyway and I suppose we have to get whatever member of staff we are given BUT I am NOT happy with this one and it is not fair it is making me miserable in what is already a difficult situation and ALL I currently have is those 2 precious hours with my GS once a week!!!!!!!!!

To have even THAT spoilt or made unenjoyable is very upsetting to say the least!!!!