I need your prayers!!!

I think it was a stressful visit for everyone , my GS thankfully is old enough to pull away and do his own thing but it is difficult to watch

I had a nice time with him though and someone needs to be in control

Not sure about the subconsious thing but she does want me to have him but I reckon she feels she will then get more 'priviledges' with him and longer contact visits / outdoor visits etc away from the contact centre but that is not going to happen if she is drinking

She told me halfway through the visit that she is 'struggling' and that some of the other people in her outpatient rehab are relapsing and she gets caught up with it and relapses too but that is putting the onus on others

I think she thinks she will get more freedom with him if he is at mine but actually the opposite would be true as contact would be court ordered and would have to be strictly adhered to at all times and she would have to go to court herself if she wants it changed or more / different contact etc

She is not aware at this rate it will definitely be going to court and she thinks it will be just an 'arrangement' between social services , herself and I but it is more serious / long term than that

She is unaware at present that it is guardianship social services and I are going for , not kinship care and when she is in a better place we need to have a discussion and put everything in place re preparing her for it

That might be a difficult meeting!!! But so be it , none of this is exactly easy!! I am getting used to dealing with difficult situations though as much as I don't LIKE it and would prefer it not to be this way , this is reality right now! x

Hey Nannynoo - a couple of things struck me reading through your latest troubles with DD - is she (in some weird subconscious way) trying to prove to the authorities that YOU are the right person to look after her son? I know it sounds daft, but alcoholics do have a slightly different way of looking at things - let me try and explain: by her behaving so badly at contact and you reacting in such a good and positive way toward both your GS and your DD - it could be that she was trying (in her own way) to show the authorities that you can be trusted and that she can't? What was your GS's reaction to all that was going on? My guess is he was looking to you for reassurance and guidance? If so, this would have been noted by the staff - don't forget. I feel all will be well time.

Oh dear nannynoo what a nightmare for you and your DGS. I hope the contact workers will be given some guidance about what to do if your DD turns up drunk again. It really can't be good for her contact to go ahead under these circumstances. I do hope this won't go on too much longer for you

Difficult day today and no one wants to ''talk about this stuff''

But my DD turned up at contact under the influence ( again ) but this time was the worst ever as she kept going to the toilet with her handbag which was suspicious and her behaviour got steadily worse to the point of asking if we could just ''take my GS''

Obviously I told her not to even talk like that and that she needs to discuss with the SW what the next steps are

She opened up to the contact worker with some very sensitive information about herself etc and was speaking loudly and not making real sense or being appropriate with what she was discussing etc

By this point I could smell alcohol on her breath as she had been out of the room 3 times and once out of the centre

I just carried on interacting with my GS and ignored them when they were discussing the sensitive / inappropriate stuff and she left a little early and the contact centre worker ( who is actually the manager ) followed her

I said goodbye to my Grandson and said to the other worker we are meant to be going together to my other Grandchilds Birthday party but I will NOT be getting in her car and that I don't have her registration number on me if I need to report her to the police if she drink drives , so I went to see if she was still there and I faced a barrage of abuse as soon as I got there ( in front of the contact manager ) so I just said we would discuss this another time as now was not the right time and that I do not want her driving her car , she said she had phoned someone to pick her up and I asked the manager to make sure she did not drive

I also told her if she was drinking it would be better for her not to come to contact

She is really mucking things up for herself now re contact visits etc as I NEED a secure , safe , happy place for my GS hence not telling her where I live and we need to be on point when it comes to contact arrangements but if she carries on like this there will be NO contact for her as they will not allow it!!! Or at least reduce it to a bare minimum and definitely away from anyones home at least!!

Apart from that I went to my GD's Birthday party , got 2 trains and 1 bus there and had a lovely time!

To be honest I am ready just to roll up my sleeves and get on with looking after my GS xx

Yes, the foster carer has her job to do. As does, and so should her own social worker. I hope that they both do it properly.

Aww, Nannynoo! What a time you've been having! Ive just read this thread through, and my heart goes out to you. I hope that by the time your grandson comes to you, you wil have healed a little, and can withstand the demands of caring for a small child! Be kind to yourself and get some much needed rest.

Hi nannynoo I don't think you need to apologise, I think most people understand how frustrating all this has been for you and that you need to offload somewhere. soontobe was simply reminding you to be careful as this is a public forum - something we might all need to be reminded of at times. You are at such a critical stage in hopefully getting your DGS placed with you that you just need to be very cautious in how much you post, in case anyone could identify you. Feel free to rant but please, nothing too specific about the foster carer!

She has a job to do and this is about what is best for the child which surely in this case is for him to be back with his family and extended family x

Hi All - Wanted to say sorry for my rantings about the foster carer lol

It was in fact only about half of what is going on with her and she has said and done some slightly cruel things and is not assimilating him or preparing him to come back to his family , yet that is her responsibility , not mine

So I am going to focus on my GS who is what this is ALL about and we do have a very REAL relationship and bond of love which definitely IS still there xx

I do have a lot on so I am going to chill now Thanks guys!!!

WHATEVER she throws at me I cannot budge for my GS's sake!

I also needed to toughen up with my DD , big time , as we were extremely close and there was a possibility of there not being enough / suitable boundaries in place consistently which is no longer an issue now for sure

It is a work in progress with my DD though and I just have to always remain consistent nomatter what!!

That's good nannynoo, just make sure it's long term

I do agree I shared too much on here even though it did help me to offload

Thing is they did ask me to have him 9 months ago but I did the best thing even though it was hard and said no , it would not have been good for him for me to start off day one exhausted and become more depleted after that only for the placement to fail and me be not then be given the opportunity to have him at all

My batteries were on zero after 5 months with my DD and her alcoholism etc and I needed to recharge , grieve lots , move house , settle in and recover etc

I just do not want the situation where my GS is placed with me , goes home , DD starts drinking again , then back with me and this ping pong going on for my GS who wants to live with his Mum and it does happen unfortunately

They said they will pay me an allowance

The foster carer doesn't sound a very understanding sort of person. But I guess foster families are in short supply and they are just glad to have people who will care well for the child. Understanding the feelings of the close relatives could be beyond her. You will have to try to show her some sympathy and understanding. She is perhaps fulfilling a need in her life, which is fine if it results in a happy time for the little boy.

Try to stay calm, and rested. Try not to care about her behaviour. Hopefully, come the summer, you will be able to relax and enjoy being with your own young grandson again. It won't be long now. You know how time flies.

nannynoo if you have an SGO you will be able to make all the decisions about whether your DGS returns to your daughter and how this should be managed. However it is exactly these kinds of things that need to be written into a support plan so that you know you can ask for support from Children's Services in the future.

soontobe does have a point about perhaps giving less detail on a public forum. It could be used against you if anyone recognised you or your situation.

Mishap is right, you do need to prepare for any outcome, although it does seem as though Children's Services have done a complete about turn in their plan on this occasion.

It is very promising that they are encouraging you to apply for an SGO as it shows they believe you will now be able to cope with minimal support and intervention. (Rather ironic since not so long ago they didn't want to place him with you at all, but this type of inconsistency is sadly not unusual). I do hope they are providing an SGO support plan and allowances as you are entitled to this by law. All authorities are different but I would have thought that your grandson's disability means you could be entitled to financial support until he is 18. Do make sure your solicitor is on the ball with this.

I think we need to put a plan in place for IF he was ever returned to my DD which SS are looking as still a possibility one day

We need a concrete plan which does NOT involve me staying with my DD but bringing my GS straight to mine immediately and keeping him here so will discuss this with them and school transport will have to be funded

She may never drink again but we need a plan in place in case she does!

I think it is natural to be anxious about this ''ever happening again'' as after all my GS and I have been through it is natural for me to want a plan in place for the future

It may be ok about the part about your daughter, but not about your gs's foster carer.

I hope you know I mean well, nannynoo, but I a little bit anxious that you are playing all this out on social media.
I would have thought[dont know for sure] that it is not a good idea.

You are understandably very keyed up about all of this - it comes across in your posts. Whilst I can understand this, it will not sit well with SS if you seem to fraught about it all. You need to keep your head and be calm and come across as sensible - as someone who has thought through all the likely problems.

I hate to say this, but I do think you also need to be prepared for any outcome - you are pinning your hopes on him being with you (as we all would do), but, just like the foster mother, I think you need to be prepared for whatever comes.

Stay cool, as best you can.

True I had a lot going through my head last night

I suppose I am at the point where I NEVER want something like this to happen again , it has to be resolved for GOOD if possible ( and alcoholism is extremely unpredictable )

At least I can see 'where it went wrong' ie I was expected to care for / be at my DD's house if she was drinking and I don't actually agree with that now

Removing my GS to my house immediately rather than seeing how it goes is the best option in the first place! lol

We / he needs that safeguard in place always! x

Nannynoo I have every sympathy for the horrendous situation you are experiencing.

I notice you are posting through the night. Do try and give yourself some rest and relaxation as it is important you look after yourself, so that you can function properly.

I have always wondered why SS aren't involved if someone is married to an alcoholic but as long as there is one sober parent to take care of the kids it seems to be allowed to slide???

Personally I do not think that is a good enviroment for a child ( plus domestic violence can go hand in hand but that is a different matter )

Not sure if this IS the law but it seems to be??

Not sure I agree with a child being left in that enviroment AT ALL to be honest but it seemed like if I WAS THERE everything was ok as there was someone to ensure my GS was cared for , fed and got ready for school etc but I myself would not want to be in that enviroment again and certainly not choose it ( even though I love my DD! LOL ) xx

I was called sometimes by SS saying I had to go to my DD's IMMEDIATELY as she failed to pick up my GS from the school bus ( due to suspected intoxication ) and of course stay over and look after him and get him ready for school etc and I live far from his school so practicality wise , yes , stress and ideal situation for the child and Grandparent wise NO and I THINK they would agree if this situation did ever happen again I could bring him to mine and refuse to return him if she was drinking again / on that path ever again x

THIS is the exact type of situation foster carers are needed for

We were a family in crisis , so much going on and my DD's alcoholism is a crisis situation in itself!

But healing and progress does or can come which is why SS work with the FAMILY as obviously a ''success story'' is the family gets well again and the child can be returned to the family after their awful / difficult time

Case closed , job done , which is why my DD can NEVER go back to drinking again if she recovers and is allowed her son back as this situation can never happen again and he would be STRAIGHT to me next time if there was a next time and I wouldn't live with her for 5 months because I was told in a meeting I ''had to be there if she was drinking''

Nope , never again!!! lol