discipline

My DGSs are nearly 5 and 20 months; the big one isn't such a problem as he can tell the time, but the baby.... fortunately, he usually lets me know when he's ready to leave the playgroup I take him to one day a week, and when it is going to be time to get the bigger one from school, I start saying things like "Soon-soon we will be going to get him from school", "Not quite yet, but soon it will be time to get our coats and shoes on!" until eventually it's, "I'm just going to have a wee, and when I come downstairs, we will be going to school." And fortunately he loves putting his coat and shoes on (not so necessary, this weather), so that is fun. Plus although he'll have had his nap by then, he's usually ready for a bit of downtime, and sitting in his pushchair telling me about everything he can see, provides this.

Cosafina, spot on. We've discussed that with their parents- and they agree that they do not want us to 'bribe' the children with goodies- as they do not do that themsselves (well rarely) - I feel it is unfair of grandparents to undermine that.

I used that approach with my children at church felice - plus drawing/colouring books. It seems unfair to expect youngsters to sit quietly and surely ensures they hate church

I take DGS to Sunday School sometimes and he just will not behave during the first 15 mins in the Church before the children go downstairs.
I often take him straight to the hall and wait for the rest of the children to come down.
Our new Finnish assistant minister was taking part of the service on Sunday and her 4 year old, sat quietly through the service with his Father.
I complimented them on his behaviour, Dad showed me his pockets, full of little treats and small toys.
We decided that bribery and blackmail of the under 5s must be somewhere in the Bible if we looked hard enough.
They are both Ministers so he has grown up going to Church.

I have a stern look too - a "shriveller" as DH and DSs refer to it. Trouble is, it doesn't seem to have much effect on DGCn. In fact DGD, 28mths, now has an even more scary glare of her own that she turns on me when she is thwarted!

My house, my rules, works quite well for me, especially as I almost always look after DGCs at my house, but when I looked after them at their house some six months ago, DGS (then 3.5 yrs) was very quick to say "but that isn't a rule in our house, Grandma" when I asked them to do something that didn't meet with their approval. Don't you just love 'em

My biggest 'discipline' tool is a long-term one - no matter how much screaming (or other behaviour designed to wear me down so that they can have their way) they do, I will not be swayed once I have issued a firm instruction. As a result, that kind of behaviour is now rare when I'm in charge. They save it all for when their dad, and particularly their mum, are in charge.
That said, I save those firm instructions for when it matters (and when I am in a position to see it through) - most of the time I am very flexible and happy to let them have a say in what we do and when we do it. The last thing I want is for them to grow up thinking of me as the wicked, authoritarian grandma! That would be awful

Cosafina-- hear hear !!

I look after my grandsons one day a week, since I started setting an alarm on my phone when it's time to get ready for school and nursery, I haven't had any arguments.

I use the nana look on Mr Rosesarered sometimes.

As the only time I get to look after DGSs 2 and 3 is in their own home, 'my house, my rules' doesn't apply. They are very good at the 'Mummy says....' or 'Daddy says....' when I try to enforce some rule or other. When I pick up the phone, ostensibly to phone mum or dad to confirm their statements, they soon change their tune.

I never, ever give my DGS chocolate, nor resort to bribery, but I do tell him x more minutes and then list all the lovely things we'll do when we get home.

He loves to cook (he's 3 and a half) and we'll often make fairy cakes in the morning and he'll announce he wants one at teatime/bedtime etc and I say he'll only get one if he's a good boy.

So we'll have gone to the park with the promise of a cake when we get home if he's good and if he misbehaves I only have to say "oh so you don't want your cake then?". I prefer this as it reinforces continuing good behaviour without rewarding bad behaviour.

If I were to wait for the bad behaviour and then offer a treat if he stopped it, he would soon cotton on that being bad resulted in a treat (for stopping being bad again)!

Brenda I have a 'nana look' too. Usually at the dinner table when food is being given to the dog under the table - it gets met with some giggling and the chant 'my house, my rules!' but they know I mean it

I used a kitchen timer with my two when it came to taking turns.
It works a treat, for some reason they just seemed to accept it as a very fair solution..

Chocolate bribery works most of the time but if all else fails the child gets what they call " the nana look" I look them straight in the eye and maintain it until they pay attention. It still works for ten year olds down to age four. , I must be a terrible Nana.

I am a bribery loving Nan too. Little children learn by knowing that if they behave well they are rewarded - as someone upthread said, just like puppy training. If your trip to the park or whatever involves a car ride, then you can show your DGS the sweeties that you've bought for him to have after he leaves the park. Then leave them in the car so he knows he has to leave the park to get them.

It boils down to avoid confrontation by making finishing fun, making the next thing exciting or just using bribery!

I have three timers on my kitchen shelf, specially for the children to use - the one that's reliable gets hidden from view! The ones they play with have succumbed to strenuous winding by little hands. They love timing each other when there's a dispute about whose turn is it on whatever they all want. Once, they even timed who had the chicken timer the longest! When I get them out of the house and out to the car after lengthy delays with shoes and other prevarications they argue over whose turn it is to sit which side. I feel like a referee sometimes!

It has a fringe benefit, too. They get quite good at looking at it and saying "You have had seven minutes, you only have three minutes left!" Watch out when they get old enough to alter it, though (and tall enough to reach it down from the high shelf you have put it on)

You are a genius Elegran My three DGC are always disputing, who's turn it is with the favourite toy of the moment. They are each convinced that one of the others "had more time than they have had".

Brilliant idea, I will be trying it out soon.

A clockwork kitchen timer is a useful thing. Set it for 5 minutes (or whatever the agreed deadline is) and put it where it can be seen. It counts down visibly and rings cheerfully and impersonally when the time is up, at which point you swoop in with a "hurray!" and bustle the child off. The loud ring becomes part of the game.

I found it very good for timing turns on a disputed toy, as well. No-one could claim that it wasn't being fair!

Agree, say one more time, then go to the library for a storybook, and some choc or a lolly.They all do this, it comes of being only three years old!

Three year old take some handling I find. With my GS who was and is tricky we would ask him how many more minutes he wanted and then count them down with him. I'm probably a naughty Nanna as well as I use bribery and cuddles. I could never bear to see him when he was properly sobbing (not tantruming) he always twanged my heart strings.

That's very good, Lona She's learning to count as well as to negotiate!

My three yr dgd says to me, 'can I have five more minutes?' And when I say yes she says 'can I have six?'

Great ideas here . I agree that just giving a heads up will help. I think a three year old will understand 'one more turn on the xxx and then we're going home' said cheerfully and firmly. Then as you are doing up his coat or whatever talk about the things you might see on the way, and what a good boy he's being and so on.

Don't get rattled. It sounds like he is perfectly normal. Not worth being cross with him, and pretending to leave is not kind.

I am not beyond using bribery.
Also, when going to the park, a couple of ham sandwiches and a drink make a picnic - wind down time before going home with the promise of watching a cartoon.