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(33 Posts)
jaeco Wed 03-Jun-15 22:17:46

I have never been good with children....and it's been 33 years since I've had to deal with small children. I have a 3 year old grandson and am having problems with him when it's time to leave....if it's a fun place, of course. Last week, we were in a playground with those tunnels that they crawl in, slides, etc. He got up into the top and refused to come down. I finally acted like I was leaving or had left and I peeked in and he was really crying and I felt awful. I'm at a loss though how to deal with this. Telling him I won't bring him back is worthless since he's too young for that concept or the timing of it loses any meaning. Or if I do catch him at a playground or somewhere when it's time to go and he's running by, he thrashes around so much that I can hardly hold onto him. he's more than half my height. How to handle this? It's probably obvious to most but I really have never been a person who children find authoritative.

Leticia Wed 03-Jun-15 22:24:41

Give him plenty of warning so that it isn't sudden. Have something to do next so that it isn't 'we must go' but 'now we are going to ........'.
Or try asking what is the last thing he wants to go on and then distract to get out like 'race you to the tree' etc

soontobe Wed 03-Jun-15 22:36:45

Good tips by Leticia.

I wouldnt beat yourself up about this jaeco. I dont think that most people find the situation you have described very easy.
I have been trying to think what I used to do and cant remember!

Ana Wed 03-Jun-15 22:43:44

I agree that bribery of some sort or another works well at that age.

When they're older they can understand 'just one more go' but at 3 suggesting something you know they'll want will do it! smile

Supernan Wed 03-Jun-15 22:49:44

Bribery. Have a little treat in your pocket. It's the same approach as puppy training!

Nelliemoser Wed 03-Jun-15 22:52:15

How do his parents deal with him? Do they have the same problems. I think you do need to find out if or how his parents manage his behaviour.

I just googled this "simple ways to get children to behave better"
and loads of stuff turned up.

Setting out exactly what you expect from him before you go out to wherever it is important so he knows what he should be doing.
Just shouting at him will do no good.

Rewarding and praising good behaviour is generally more effective than punishing bad behaviour but if a child is misbehaving you do need to apply the sanctions firmly.

Lots of stuff on t'internet.

suzied Thu 04-Jun-15 06:24:47

Grannies can resort to bribery in my book. A bag of chocolate buttons in the pocket can be used to great effect in many situations.

loopylou Thu 04-Jun-15 06:45:29

I agree suzied, it avoids tussles and applied judiciously keeps everyone happy.

Coolgran65 Thu 04-Jun-15 10:57:44

I am not beyond using bribery.
Also, when going to the park, a couple of ham sandwiches and a drink make a picnic - wind down time before going home with the promise of watching a cartoon.

elena Thu 04-Jun-15 11:14:01

Great ideas here smile. I agree that just giving a heads up will help. I think a three year old will understand 'one more turn on the xxx and then we're going home' said cheerfully and firmly. Then as you are doing up his coat or whatever talk about the things you might see on the way, and what a good boy he's being and so on.

Don't get rattled. It sounds like he is perfectly normal. Not worth being cross with him, and pretending to leave is not kind.

Lona Thu 04-Jun-15 11:24:41

My three yr dgd says to me, 'can I have five more minutes?' And when I say yes she says 'can I have six?' grin

elena Thu 04-Jun-15 11:49:02

That's very good, Lona smile She's learning to count as well as to negotiate!

Teetime Thu 04-Jun-15 11:51:29

Three year old take some handling I find. With my GS who was and is tricky we would ask him how many more minutes he wanted and then count them down with him. I'm probably a naughty Nanna as well as I use bribery and cuddles. I could never bear to see him when he was properly sobbing (not tantruming) he always twanged my heart strings. wink

rosesarered Thu 04-Jun-15 14:14:20

Agree, say one more time, then go to the library for a storybook, and some choc or a lolly.They all do this, it comes of being only three years old!

Elegran Thu 04-Jun-15 14:36:54

A clockwork kitchen timer is a useful thing. Set it for 5 minutes (or whatever the agreed deadline is) and put it where it can be seen. It counts down visibly and rings cheerfully and impersonally when the time is up, at which point you swoop in with a "hurray!" and bustle the child off. The loud ring becomes part of the game.

I found it very good for timing turns on a disputed toy, as well. No-one could claim that it wasn't being fair!

gillybob Thu 04-Jun-15 15:04:53

You are a genius Elegran My three DGC are always disputing, who's turn it is with the favourite toy of the moment. They are each convinced that one of the others "had more time than they have had".

Brilliant idea, I will be trying it out soon. smile

Elegran Thu 04-Jun-15 15:37:44

It has a fringe benefit, too. They get quite good at looking at it and saying "You have had seven minutes, you only have three minutes left!" Watch out when they get old enough to alter it, though (and tall enough to reach it down from the high shelf you have put it on)

whenim64 Thu 04-Jun-15 15:51:52

I have three timers on my kitchen shelf, specially for the children to use - the one that's reliable gets hidden from view! The ones they play with have succumbed to strenuous winding by little hands. They love timing each other when there's a dispute about whose turn is it on whatever they all want. Once, they even timed who had the chicken timer the longest! grin When I get them out of the house and out to the car after lengthy delays with shoes and other prevarications they argue over whose turn it is to sit which side. I feel like a referee sometimes! grin

Leticia Fri 05-Jun-15 07:26:45

It boils down to avoid confrontation by making finishing fun, making the next thing exciting or just using bribery!

AshTree Fri 05-Jun-15 08:16:35

I am a bribery loving Nan too. Little children learn by knowing that if they behave well they are rewarded - as someone upthread said, just like puppy training. If your trip to the park or whatever involves a car ride, then you can show your DGS the sweeties that you've bought for him to have after he leaves the park. Then leave them in the car so he knows he has to leave the park to get them.

Brendawymms Fri 05-Jun-15 08:32:18

Chocolate bribery works most of the time but if all else fails the child gets what they call " the nana look" I look them straight in the eye and maintain it until they pay attention. It still works for ten year olds down to age four. , I must be a terrible Nana.

Nelliemoser Fri 05-Jun-15 08:37:48

I used a kitchen timer with my two when it came to taking turns.
It works a treat, for some reason they just seemed to accept it as a very fair solution..

whenim64 Fri 05-Jun-15 09:15:02

Brenda I have a 'nana look' too. Usually at the dinner table when food is being given to the dog under the table - it gets met with some giggling and the chant 'my house, my rules!' but they know I mean it grin

Cosafina Fri 05-Jun-15 15:13:16

I never, ever give my DGS chocolate, nor resort to bribery, but I do tell him x more minutes and then list all the lovely things we'll do when we get home.

He loves to cook (he's 3 and a half) and we'll often make fairy cakes in the morning and he'll announce he wants one at teatime/bedtime etc and I say he'll only get one if he's a good boy.

So we'll have gone to the park with the promise of a cake when we get home if he's good and if he misbehaves I only have to say "oh so you don't want your cake then?". I prefer this as it reinforces continuing good behaviour without rewarding bad behaviour.

If I were to wait for the bad behaviour and then offer a treat if he stopped it, he would soon cotton on that being bad resulted in a treat (for stopping being bad again)!

annodomini Fri 05-Jun-15 15:51:31

As the only time I get to look after DGSs 2 and 3 is in their own home, 'my house, my rules' doesn't apply. They are very good at the 'Mummy says....' or 'Daddy says....' when I try to enforce some rule or other. When I pick up the phone, ostensibly to phone mum or dad to confirm their statements, they soon change their tune.