Son's worries

Lesley -It is so good that he is talking to you, many parents/GPs would give their eye teeth for that.
Being new parents at around 40 is a huge adjustment for both of them so just carry on being as supportive as you can with lots of positivity and encouragement until they get the hang of this new life they now have. Hopefully your DDIL will soon be able to do more herself and the new little family will start to jell making the new normality apparent and life will settle down.
Enjoy your new grandson and nurture the lovely relationship you clearly have with your son. It is all change for all of you as there has been a seismic shift in all the relationships.
My mother advised me to always remember to think twice before opening mouth as even if asked for our opinion it was not really wanted!

It's still early days and a new baby can bring tiredness, worry and added practical and financial pressures, along with great pleasure.

I really don't think he is being selfish - it sounds quite the opposite to me.
Some men who enjoy their jobs would be quite satisfied with carrying on as normal and leaving the domestic side to their wives. He is concerned that he is apart from his wife and new baby and is missing out on so much. It sounds to me as if he must be feeling quite depressed to ring you up and talk about this. I believe there are support groups for fathers and I wonder if he might consider joining one of these so that he can share his worries with other dads.

I hope things are soon more settled and he can feel more relaxed about being a dad.

I think he is being very brave to say that he worries that he is not bonding. And very loving too.
He may need to speak about his job to see if there is something that can be done for him to get a better balance for all concerned.

I think it's very confusing for men these days as they seem to be expected to be wage earners and hands on fathers. Also, men can experience post natal depression as well as women. I don't think he's being selfish but is very confused [and very very tired]. Young parents these days seem to go into childbirth with 'birthing plans' that they expect to, well, go to plan, and it's difficult for them when they don't. You're honoured that he's confiding in you; in my limited experience most men seem to bottle things up at times like this.

I can only suggest that you carry on supporting and encouraging your son and DiL as you are doing. Maybe, like many new mothers, he had a mental image of how perfect everything would be and is finding the reality so different that he's confused by his own reactions. I can see that he probably wouldn't want to involve anyone at work in view of his recent promotion but wonder whether he could confide in HR or talk to his GP or a health visitor.
Wishing you and your family every happiness with your new grandson.