Guilty and looking for coping methods

Unless it is a genuine phobia then true super nannies bite the bullet and just do it. How do all these super sensitive people deal with things in an emergency situation I wonder

A couple of the comments on here were very harsh, and one was beyond the pale. Thank goodness the supportive and helpful GNers were around as well. Good luck to you, SupernannyA. I hope some of the advice works for you and that you can have your DGS to stay. It obviously means a lot to the little chap.

Just before my grandson was potty trained he had a horrendous nappy. His sister was standing next to his head, well away from the active end, shaking her head and saying 'oh dear'. My gs was laughing and saying 'poooo'. I was trying to clear up and where was my husband? Out of the front door, down the driveway and into the street!

Sorry SupernannyA...that doesn't help does it?

I had a sickness phobia. It controlled my life. What and where I ate, dettol everything in sight etc.
When I had children I thought I'd better get it sorted! Saw a therapist and I'm now cured. Even had a few sickness bugs and no panic attacks. Would recommend seeing someone if it's a genuine phobia.

I'm glad some posters jumped in to defend the OP after others were so to judge.

SupernannyA something like the hypnotherapy idea might be worth a try before anything else, because as Anniebach says your grandson might pick up on the tension if you decide to just give it a go. You could just arrange an appointment quietly without anyone else knowing. Then after, perhaps you could offer to change him when his Mum is around and can give you any tips. I know it's no use saying don't feel guilty because that's how you feel, but maybe you can take small steps to changing those feelings. Good luck.

I have every sympathy and would feel the same.

Perhaps you could have a go and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't. No one need know how you feel.

However, I do not see that there's any need for guilt as you haven't done anything wrong. No one would expect a man to change a four year old's nappies and not react in any way.

I'm very sympathetic towards the OP as I gag easily. I didn't know about the Vick under the nose and will store that info up. When the DGCs came to visit I some how got used to their individual odour. But I really think there is no need for the OP to feel guilty or to be made to feel guilty.

I am a surrogate nanny for a now 3.5 yr old and have also brought up my own GD and it is different to your biological children,but actually you do get used to it,my neighbour is a childminder and have helped out and done different bums ( some real stomach churners) at times...but I love the cuddle after.My neighbour is also a carer for the elderly and swears by vick under the nose,peppermints,and latex gloves are mandatory...good luck I guess you are beating yourself up over thisxx

Supernanny - I can't say that I particularly enjoy cleaning up nappies etc. - particularly the etc! But you just have to grit your teeth, breathe through your mouth and not your nose, and just do it.
Prepare everything beforehand, disposal bag, wipes, fresh nappy and even gloves if that is what you feel better using. Love conquers all and loving your DGS as you do you will manage and the more you do it the easier it will get. He will be thrilled to stay with you and that will be reward enough.
Nothing worthwhile is every simple or easy for everyone I promise you but such an effort will bring it's own reward.
Let us know when you decide to go for it and how you get on.

SupernannyA I'm just wondering of there are practical strategies you can use to help you to deal with nappies. So for instance putting some Vicks on your nose to deal with the smell and wearing latex gloves to avoid touching anything directly.
It can be difficult I know. I have a dear little friend (with disabilities) who's almost six, but still in nappies and it isn't easy changing him. If it needs doing on the odd occasion I'm babysitting then I just end up biting the bullet and getting it over with as quickly as possible. At the most a dirty nappy is usually only produced once a day.
I do hope you can find some way of dealing with your problem so that you and your grandson can spend the time together that you would obviously both enjoy.

I have a friend who cannot deal with vomit, her own or anyone else's. When she went on to have two children something had to give and she went for hypnotherapy to help her cope. Just one session made it all so much easier for her to deal with and now, some four or five years on, she's had one top-up session but essentially, the problem has been resolved. It was money well spent.

Maybe it's something worth thinking about, Supernanny?

By the way Supernan I do not think you should feel guilty - if you find it hard, then that is as it is. But you might think about choosing to get some help with this in the interests of the great joy that you will have with your DGS.

I can't stand sick, even when my own children were sick, if DH was home he had to clear it up.
I didn't mind baby sick - possetting, but proper vomiting ugh ugh!

Petra You obviously don't feel the same love for your Grandson as we do.
How could you say that to another GNer? That's beyond unkind.
You have obviously no understanding of phobias.
Phobia is quite different from mere distaste and is an irrational fear over which the sufferer has no control.
Supernanny you didn't actually say whether or not you were actually phobic, others have inferred it.
If you are, it might be worth considering hypnotherapy or some other form of therapy to help you overcome it and enjoy your relationship with your GS.

Could his Mum come with him or someone else who does not have this phobia ?

Best not to have the little chap stay, if you feel so strongly about this he could sense the tension in you and he what matters

That's harsh Marmark and uncalled for.

I wouldn't like to change a 4-year old's nappy either. But, bless him, he wants to stay with you. Perhaps you just have to bite the bullet and get on within, or forgo the pleasure of his company.

You obviously don't feel the same love for your Grandson as we do.
My Grandson is 9, if he had a disability that meant I had to change him, so be it.
Remember, you might be in care one day,there's a possibility that you will have to be changed and cleaned up by a younger person.

Maybe not such a super nanny then.

I do not think there is a solution that anyone else can suggest; because the solution lies in your hands and no-one else's. If you are really sure that you cannot deal with his nappies, then there is nothing to be done, and you will miss out on the fun of having him to stay, and so will he.

But if you are willing to try and work out a way forward, then you will reap the rewards.

Only you can decide if you are prepared to give it a go, and if it is worth giving it a try.

I am intrigued at people who say they do not do bodily fluids - have they never had sex I wonder?!

I have a niece who is phobic about blood and faints at the sight of it - I have no idea at all how she manages with her periods!

At least it wouldn't be terry nappies - they are disposable nowadays. Is it the smell of the faeces or just any sort of wet nappy that bothers you?

SupernannyA, I always found it a bit difficult to change the nappies of friends' babies, actually. It was just different, because it wasn't my own child. However, this wee boy is yours. Does his mum/dad know you have a bit of a problem with this?
The wee lad wants to come and stay with you, because he must love being with you! Try to think of the dirty nappy simply as something that has to be dealt with quickly, because he'll be uncomfortable and sore if it isn't done. Get some latex gloves, a pack of nappy-sacks etc and just blether away to your grandson as you tidy him up.

what did you do with your own kids???

I don't understand this either... but if you have space and finances then pay an agency nanny to come and stay with him and deal with the body fluids.

I'm puzzled, SupernannyA. Don't you have 'bodily fluids' of your own? And how do you cope with those?