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Grandparenting

Unattended Grandsons

(36 Posts)
elena Tue 05-Jan-16 10:08:21

Sounds really awful, and worryingly unsafe.

How close by do they live, slim?

I agree about talking to the school - if the statutory services can't intervene on your say-so, then the school might alert them.

It's difficult. It would be hard to prove actual neglect, even with all the details in your post, but it's very poor parenting sad

Luckygirl Tue 05-Jan-16 10:01:02

Talk to NSPCC US equivalent, family doctor, school, nursery, health visitor (or US equivalent) - everybody! No doubt you will fall out with DD over this, but the risks are too high to let that stand in your way.

You are not making a fuss - if all that you say is true then the children are at risk.

Wendysue Tue 05-Jan-16 09:43:52

My heart aches for you and those kids, slimgramma! I don't get the authorities in your state and how they could ignore all this! Maybe they think, ok, kids fall and it's not as if they've being abused or going unfed. But when one puts everything together it spells "endangerment" to me. Please keep bringing it up to CPS, as awkward and aggravating as that may be. Document everything - even take pictures of injuries if you have to. If they finally investigate and your DD and SIL suspect that you GPs reported them, they may be very angry and keep the kids away from you for a while. But I think it may be a worthy sacrifice to make for your GC's safety.

For now, I hope you and the other GPs continue to take the kids as often as possible, as exhausting as I know it can be. You are providing a safe haven for them. Bless you (and the other GPs)!

slimgramma Tue 05-Jan-16 01:18:47

We do have that here. Too many with as they call it "more serious issues!" UGH. We don't want to bury another grandchild.?

BlackeyedSusan Tue 05-Jan-16 01:01:21

sorry, thought you were Uk based. I think you have something similar in the US. National society for the prevention of cruelty to children.

slimgramma Tue 05-Jan-16 00:56:47

BlackeyedSusan..I'm not sure what the NSPCC is. I'm in the U.S. I do have a cousin in England. Maybe I'll ask her.

slimgramma Tue 05-Jan-16 00:54:45

Oh my. I forgot that part! The kids are shipped off to both sets of grandparents, friends etc whenever possible. They get plenty of time to relax but won't admit it. So sorry I sound horrible but wasn't sure where to turn before I blasted her with a horrible email. My ex and his wife are the other grandparents. (Yes we are friends.? we all agree.

BlackeyedSusan Tue 05-Jan-16 00:32:32

eek.

Sounds like my ex. Totally incapable of seeing consequences for actions) Do you make a note of what they tell you and when?

I know it is not your responsibility, but could you babysit to give the parents a bit of a break so they may be more attentive on the times they do have them?

have you spoken to the NSPCC?

slimgramma Tue 05-Jan-16 00:29:32

Hi Nelliemoser. No, I myself and DD live in the U.S. I have read and read about contacting children's services and what they consider "neglect". Unfortunately there must be an awful amount of truly "neglected" because my worries don't seem to be a big thing here. When my first grandson passed (the story is long) my daughter barely got a slap on the hand.

Nelliemoser Tue 05-Jan-16 00:00:29

slimgramma

Do they live in the UK? I get the impression they don't.

If you feel the children are at risk or left without good supervision you should consider contacting the police or children's services.

slimgramma Mon 04-Jan-16 23:49:44

Hello. I am new to this so please forgive me if my post is too long!
My DD and SIL have four sons. A 7, 5 1/2 and twin 2 1/2 yr olds. Unfortunately I have to lead off by saying my DD had another son who would have been 11 yrs old. But he passed away at 21 months from a fall because he was left unattended while she slept. Anyway, we have tried to move on with our lives without him but still have issues with my DD because we see signs that she is still somewhat irresponsible when it comes to the other four. We know for a fact that while she and our SIL are on the upper floor of their apartment (usually napping or playing video games) the children are having the run of the apartment (downstairs and basement). Our oldest grandson is the "babysitter" quite often. The twins have also been left to themselves. The sad things is that my DD and SIL are not afraid to tell us things that happen! When the 5 yr old was a toddler he ran the apartment while they slept. One night he somehow broke a heavy candle (their story) and ended up with a huge gouge in his thigh. They never took him to the doctor so he now has quite a scar.
They have told us that the twins are into everything which I know is normal! But they climb the cupboards, turn on the stove, get into kitchen drawers, escape from the apartment etc. the list goes on. The parents actually tell us while laughing!! I am at wits end! My whole family is shocked and worried. We have tried talking to them. My SIL refuses to use any sort of discipline. He laughs when we say anything about this. I just don't know what to do! I can tell you from experience with our 1st grandson that CPS, the police AND the Ombudsman are of no help. But that is a whole different story. Thank you so much for listening.