Hi All - I have been feeling like a new woman since passing panel! 
A weight has truly lifted and I feel lighter inside my head lol
Funny that as I have also now joined Weight Watchers to get rid of the weight all the comfort / stress eating has put on , in fact for over 2 years since the bereavements I have been comfort eating and enjoying doing so lol BUT enough is enough now and 3 stones heavier means it is time to take action and take control of things again!
I have already lost a bit even though today was my first meeting and how supportive and inspirational it was , a LOVELY leader , honest with a great sense of humour too and I thoroughly enjoyed it as well as meeting and chatting to other people on their weight loss journey too
I am amazed how more relaxed I am now the placement is secure and most of it is subconscious although the panel experience itself is one I would like to leave behind me and totally heal and recover from as it was not a pleasant experience even though it went so well
I have a new SW coming over on Wednesday but have met him already and he is lovely so I reckon my GS will take to him as he loves males as is always surrounded by females bless him so it will be good for him to have a male SW and so glad it was one I had met already as he filled in on the review meeting last year and he was lovely so no nasty surprises - I know what to expect
I feel so empowered now , less powerless than before and my GS needs me healthy so am going for it and have been on the vaping pen ( with the occasional sneaky fag now and again at the weekend lol ) AND I had my FIRST NIGHT OUT since lo has been with me last week and I had a FABULOUS time , it was nice to socialise again and have a little dance on the dance floor and my self esteem is improving as well as it has had a few knocks along the way and the weight gain has not helped even though self inflicted but like I said because I feel lighter in my head / soul I am ready to feel lighter elsewhere as well 
lol x
I am SO glad it is over ie the assessment etc but still have the guardianship process looming but am going to take my TIME as it is not something I want to rush into and things are fine as they are for now!!!
P.S It was lovely chatting to the fellow WW's and I feel that will be good for me as well xx
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Grandparenting
Had the fostering panel today and it went really well!!!
I was so calm till I got there and walked into the room , even though the 9 people seemed nice some looked a bit stern / grumpy! lol
Then they asked me all the questions they had which was fine and I answered them all but just at the end I had a huge migraine suddenly come on ( think it was the stress and pressure and emotional build up ) as it was really intense as in one minute I was drinking Earl Grey tea in the cafe next door with the assessor lady and the next we had a call saying we were late ( they got the time wrong to the assessor lady! ) so we went next door and then pretty much straight into panel , it felt like the most important interview of my whole life and more and I answered one question after the other which wasn't too bad until right at the end the headache coming on , but I didn't sleep that well last night and there has been months of build up to this very important day so my brain packed in after the last of the 10 questions! lol
On the whole I did pretty well and we went outside for just a few minutes , was called back in and the panel chair said I had passed unanimously and it was smiles all round!!
I told them that news was better than winning the lottery and am sure they could tell I meant it , was grinning from ear to ear and thanking them and they thanked me for what I was doing for my GS
I walked up to the shops with the assesor lady and we bumped into the co chair who said THEY WERE IMPRESSED WITH ME!!!
Feeling tearful now and it was all a bit of a blur and seemed to happen so fast like a tsunami but am glad I can relax and enjoy lo now
Unfortunately when I left the assessor lady to go and do some shopping I suddenly felt sick and had to throw up in a corner but it just shows the emotional intensity of it all as this was SO important to me and had been hanging over my head for 6 months tbh plus it went from calm to intense in a few short seconds lol ... I went straight home and rested up and will continue to rest up as this is the most important thing I have ever done in my life and my GS and my future happiness was resting on this day...
SO glad it went so well though even with feeling ill after lol the questions weren't too bad and there was a very positive vibe in the room even though it was formal and they seemed delighted to tell me the news ... I myself am a mix of ( good ) emotions including still being in shock and ELATED and it has not actually sunk in yet tbh but am sure it will and am so glad the PRESSURE is off and I keep feeling tearful when I think about the fact that they were impressed with me! Mind you I have and am putting a lot of work in and it has paid off .... All those months of dire heartache before he was placed with me to THIS = PASSING panel so his placement is SECURE and I can relax and know his happiness will remain and continue , it means the world to me it really does and I have a feeling all the love and care and positivity I have inside came across to the panel and am so glad it was unanimous too! xx
Nannynoo wonderful news and just what you both need. No wonder you had a migraine with such an important and stressful event but worth it to get the right result. 
Well done nannynoo. Have a wonderful time with your grandson. He sounds like a lovely little boy. Be happy
Oh nannynoo what a relief for you. I have followed your story and I am delighted that you and your DGS can now have a stable future. You are an inspiration and your DGS is so lucky to have you.
Well done nannynoo - you can relax a little now that is all over. Well done for impressing the panel so much. All that hard work has really paid off and now you and your DGS can really enjoy your future together. Many congratulations and much love to you both
Well done! You can relax and enjoy DGS now!
So pleased nannynoo. What a wonderful outcome. Hope you can relax now and enjoy today and every day.
I am so pleased for you nannynoo, cannot even begin to imagine how you must be feeling - relieved, excited, emotional, and so much more. What a fantastic New Year's present - for both of you. He is one lucky little boy to have you in his corner .
Jumping through all these hoops is important to make sure that little boy gets the very best care in a stable home, everything any child deserves, and it sounds like that's just what he has in you. I don't know you other than reading your posts, but your love and commitment to your precious boy shine through, I'm so glad the Panel saw that too, even with the migraine. Take good care of yourself too
Very happy for you nannynoo and a wonderful start to the New Year
Congratulations, am pleased that things have worked out for you
Wonderful news. I'm very happy for you. New beginnings.
WELL DONE TO YOU NANNYNOO Happy days ahead
So glad it all went so well for you,it will be worth all the hard work that you put into it, just to know that your DGS will be with you and will be loved and cared for.
Wonderful news nannynoo I'm so pleased for you! So glad that all your hard work was recognised by them Obviously you will have ups and downs ahead of you, but at least you now have a firm base to work from.
Wonderful, wonderful news nannynoo XX
I am the lucky one , truly xx
When child protection are involved the 'simple' and 'easy' things ( and things we take for granted! ) aren't there any more , you have to prove your weight in gold and it is neccessary and I do understand why , just don't have to like it The main thing I don't like is the utter STRESS it brings but if I can get through this I can get through anything! :-) :-) x
So happy for you nannynoo and your darling grandson. You have a stong bond with your GS.
Today is the first day in your secure future together.
So now you can look forward to a lovely time together.
Love always shines out
congratulations nannynoo can empathise with you,have had a similar battle myself.Now you can relax and look forward to a wonderful future 
xxx
I don't know all the background, but this brought tears to my eyes. Very happy for you
nannynoo congratulations! 
So pleased for you both and every good wish to you for the future.
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