How involved were you with your children's weddings?

Not at all, which suited me nicely! I did go to the dress choosing for #1 son's wedding, but the others all did their own thing.

My DD and SiL went to the Caribbean and had the wedding they wanted, no one else involved, no relatives or friends. They gave me, and SiL's mother, each champagne so that we could (in our different parts of the country) toast them at the appropriate time. We were both perfectly content with this, they had the wedding they wanted, and a lovely holiday at the same time. ?

Very very involved in DDs' wedding, looking after 3 month old DGS, cooking all food for 180 people at the lunchtime buffet, making table covers for the evening reception, buying the bridesmaids dresses, going home early in the evening to look after DGS and me as I had not long had a knee replacement op.
Very appreciated, then X turned up the day before the wedding, flights paid for by MY best friend, plus accomodation and swaned around as though he owned the bloody place.
Then complained no one spoke to him. My friends were furious and DDs just did not know him. Also managed to get his face in most of the photos, I was staying at DDs the night of the wedding and he was supposed to be at my friends, he decided instead to sleep on DDs' sofa and when I got up to feed DGS during the night he went to the toilet, discovered i was sleeping in a double bed got in and said "if i get hard slap me" I am sure I do not need to tell everyone on here my reaction to that.
Sorry for the rant it still rankles a bit as DF and I only arranged for him to come over as a gift for DD, just a little appreciation would have been nice. He even complained because we bought him Ryanair flights instead of scheduled.

Like lots of other posts, I had no input in my own wedding but was made to pay for half of it. My brother was married a few years before me and my Dad got the hump so he made me and my boyfriend pay exactly half of the total cost. My parents then invited all their own friends as well and we were still paying off the wedding six months later. My DS married into a very rich family so we went with the flow but it was lovely. My DD had to bring her wedding forward as she was expecting a baby and we paid for it all but had a super time. I'm sure it will be wonderful and you will look fabulous as the bride's new MIL.

No involvement at all in my sons wedding. I wasn't asked to help choose the dress and my daughter was very upset that I wasn't allowed to go to the fitting of her bridesmaids dress.
Was I miffed? Yes. But at least I didn't spend hours and hours visiting florists, photographers and shoe shops.
Did I enjoy the wedding? Yes, I went as an honoured guest and was able to relax and not worry about anything.
Most important of all, after 13 years they are still very happily married and have 3 gorgeous children.
Let's be honest - the wedding day doesn't really matter at all.

Not very involved as both daughters had been living with their partners for several years and already had a child, they knew what sort of wedding they wanted. I helped out with dresses, alterations etc. as I'm a seamstress, and we gave them some money.

You future DIL is being polite in involving you even if she isn't taking on board what you suggest very similar to mine in fact,my DS1 gets married for the first time in June this year abroad and she has organised everything,I have had whispers of the dress design but never asked to go dress shopping etc she went with her mum and bridesmaid so I have just stayed in the background smiling sweetly,when DS2 married they involved me in every way and things went very well except for me wanting a red suit and being told sorry it will clash with other mums suit so a change had to be made but all turned out beautifully in the end,enjoy the day and best wishes to the couple for the future.

DD1 paid for much of her wedding I paid for her dress and the bridesmaids dresses ad jewellery for her and her sister to wear.I paid for the photographer and flowers and the bar bill for the evening. She came with me to buy my outfit and I was involved in lots of discussions but she made the decisions

DD2 has not got married

DD - very involved as both DD and SIL away from home at time up to 2 weeks before wedding. Consulted on all major decisions and made wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses and cravats ( whilst teaching full time - not sure how I managed that!)
DS - very little involvement as they married in Scotland so not on hand. Made financial contribution and paid for honeymoon. Really enjoyed a magical wedding with very little stress!
Thoroughly enjoyed both weddings but can understand why you might feel left out of weddings of sons. Just enjoy the day.

like many of you, we were invited to our own wedding. not even really consulted on anything - flowers, number of guests, venue - we did have a church wedding, and I did choose my own dress!

For DD, we were also invited to it. DH paid for drinks, I made all the wedding cakes, about 5, and did the flowers, but they paid for the flowers. DD and SiL paid for everything else. I was also asked to make "flower-fetti" out of flowers from our [then] HUGE garden.

We also paid for hotel rooms for her two brothers [and DS1 was flowen by us from Argentina], adopted grandmother, DS2's ex andhis son, etc.

It was a lovely event, but I felt a little left out as I had expected to do a little more of the MoB stuff. Everyone else had a great time, so was happy with it.

Enjoy wonder - your DiL to be is involving you, since she is keeping you up to speed, just ideas past you rather than "advice"...

DS2 and his partner have been together for 22 years, having got together with a joint 21st birthday party. I have tried to compensate them for never having had a wedding and the usual presents, by giving them the kind of gifts one buys for a wedding. Their two sons (8 and 10) want them to get married so that they can have a party.

It's probably her way of involving you. I expect its all mapped out and in the excitement of all the talking about it and telling you about it she doesn't realise what she's doing.

Enjoy the excitement while its all going well.

For the record. we paid a significant contribution, was kept up to speed on anything and everything and just turned up when required. Suited me perfectly.

Weddings were the only time I ever wished I had daughters. We only offered opinions when asked but felt that in one case the other mother was pulling all the strings from a long way away as they ended up with a wedding very different from the one they said they wanted.

I think the others did their own thing without interference and am pleased that we didn't get involved in any arguments. Our DSs all married into families with no money so we were the major contributors to the costs which we didn't resent and simply gave them the money to do with as they wished.

One DiL did send me a photo of her in her dress and tell me not to show anyone else so I think she understood that I might feel a little left out.

As so many of us know the Mil, Dil relationship can be a difficult one, so yes just go with the flow, smile away and enjoy yourself. I hope you have a very happy day.

How lovely that's she's trying her hardest to involve you, even if she doesn't take your advice she means well. How exciting for you all, sounds like the start of a nice relationship.

My wedding was like yours, Loopylou , in that, as my father was paying, my parents were calling the tune. My very dear PsiL offered a contribution, but I don't know if it was accepted! Thus I was very concerned that my DDs and partners should have exactly what they wanted, without pressure, and I think they did.

Mine haven't bothered getting married, DD and partner together for 15 years, with 2 sons and DS and partner 8 years with 1 son and 1 daughter. Youngest DS still at home so possibly a wedding there in the future?

It must be hard to feel as if your opinion isn't valued but she IS involving you by letting you know what is going on. Take heart in that it is only one day in what could become a rich and rewarding relationship between you and her. I adored my Parents-in-Law who weren't involved in our wedding planning as they lived in another part of the UK and it was the 1970's and things were a lot different then anyway.
Enjoy the day and go with the flow. It will still be memorable for you all.?

I was quite involved with DD's wedding 23 years ago, I went to exhibitions with them and looked at venues and cakes. I paid for everything except the rings and groom's suit and so DD allowed my input, we agree on most things anyway.
DS's wedding was totally different, I had no input at all and made no financial contribution, I just sat back and waited for my invitation. To give DS and DIL their due it was the best wedding I have ever been to, and that includes my own, it was just perfection.

When my son got married I was advised by a friend (tongue in cheek) that the role of the grooms mother was to wear beige and keep her mouth shut. Well I wore beige anyway.

She is trying to involve you in her plans it maybe out of politeness but nevertheless just be glad she is asking your advice even though she isn't acting on it being the mother of the bride groom is a minefield tread carefully.

I have been very lucky.Both DsIL asked me to go with them & their Mums to choose the dress & weddng fayres etc. We were involved all the way through- mind you I was a wedding cake maker so I had to have some input into those!! We paid for evening reception both times if I remember rightly & of course they got the cake for free! Labour of love.
I have been very lucky in my DSs choice of wives & I love them both.
I was expecting to be side lined as I was MIL not Mum but didn't happen- having said that I never offered any advice not asked for.

DS2 married first and although we were kept involved at every step basically they and her parents organised it all and we made a financial contribution. Quite a big wedding and lovely.
DS2 married very quietly after many years of cohabiting - we were only informed about 6 weeks before. It was very low key - register office and just immediate family and they paid for it all. However it was a lovely happy day.
DD married near our home although they live some distance awAy so we were involved in a lot of the organising which turned out to be quite stressful! They paid about half and we paid most of the rest - her Mil made a contribution but was not much involved though we kept her in touch with what was going on At every stage. I went with DD to look at wedding dresses - but in the end she chose one shed found with her chief bridesmaid! We went with them to look at venues and to choose flowers - they always made the decision, not us! We disagreed on music( it was a civil ceremony!) but she had what she wanted. I don't think in the end she used any of our ideas although we were alwYs consulted and often agreed. In fact she said to me at the start 'mum, we are organising this jointly so don't book anything without consulting me!'). Anyway it was a lovely wedding in the end! Quite big but less so than first which was a church wedding.
They were all different and luckily all seem To be happy still.

Such a palaver for one day! Let them get on with it.

my parents completely took over my wedding day and I was only allowed to choose my dress and the bridesmaids', not even taken to view the venue for the reception!!

I was involved with my DS and DD weddings - and made the wedding dresses for both brides. I made sure I was not stepping on my DSs future MIL s toes, and we toured Cornwall together looking at the venue etc and having fun. Traditionally it is the bride's side of the family that 'does' the wedding but this has changed dramatically in which everyone contributes a financial input so they all have a say and quite right too.

But I feel it is a courtesy to stand back and let the bride's family have the last word.

Grannywonder maybe your future DIL has asked everyone involved what their opinion is on various matters - out of thoughtfulness and fairness - and maybe in the end having considered everyone's opinions has simply gone with what she favours.

Just have a great day and enjoy. Really it's the bride and groom's day, and about them getting married hopefully for ever.