How involved were you with your children's weddings?

Oh dear the wedding trap! they ask you because they are being polite but really they (usually the bride0 wants total control Have you ever see the TV series Bridezillas? Hilarious and scary at the same time. DD1 wanted no intervention whatsoever she paid for it all - it was the second time and I have had no input to GD1s wedding in July - I have had the colour I want to wear approved - mustn't clash with the bridesmaids or M of the B's outfit and been told I must wear a hat even though its in a hotel - bit daft but I will put something on my head. DD2 let me 'assist' as she had just had a baby and was exhausted and I was paying.

Try not to let it get to you it is their day. If I were you I would focus on your own fabulous outfit and smile sweetly. Good Luck with it all.

Go with the flow - at least she is involving you. It is inevitable that they will have their own ideas and they are the ones that matter. Be glad that she is talking with you about it, even if your ideas do not tally with hers. I am sure that she sees it as good manners, especially as you are contributing financially. But that does not mean that your thoughts carry more weight - sorry that sounds harsh, but that is how it is! She will be your DIL for a long time (I hope!) so do not get off on the wrong foot! I think the point in asking your advice is to get a range of ideas and opinions from which to make up their own minds.

My DDs made up their own minds about what they would do - we did chat a lot about it all - but it was their views that counted in the end, and I can assure you that they did not take up akl my ideas!

I hope it is a lovely memorable day - an exciting time for you all.

Hang on to the thought that, although she may not take up your suggestions, it doesn't mean that she hasn't appreciated them. She's probably taken them on board and considered them! Her opinions just differed from yours!!

Enjoy the day

Not in any way shape or form with DS!!

DH, I and her maternal GM paid for every thing as they had no money (the only thing her squaddie DH paid for was the ring) So everything had to be run past us but they decided venue, food, colours etc. I did give opinions and advice as I thought I was entitled
Her MiL wasn't the least interested and didn't approve of them marrying anyway.

DD1 and her fiancé were so busy at the time- they just said- Mum can you organise it, you know what we like! So I did- checking from time to time before making 'big' decisions. They just loved it and many friends and relatives still say it was the best wedding they'd gone to ever.

Oakham Castle + Normanton Hall on Rutland Water.

The George Inn, Stamford.

DD2 was more hands on, but again asked for my help and support- so I gave it, on her instructions though. Again a fabulous day.

None of my children are married although both daughters have grown children, my son will probably marry at some point but I don't expect to be involved with the planning much as they live abroad and future dil is surrounded by her family and friends whom I'm assuming will be much more involved than me or my family.
I'm won't be disappointed as its their wedding and I'm sure my ideas wouldn't be as grand as I expect their wedding day to be and I'll have enough trouble dressing myself suitably never mind ideas about anything else. I'll be happy to just fly over and take part.

Both sons organised and paid for their own weddings.

We helped with mortgage money.

Don't think DIL would have wanted my advice!!!! Both weddings super. I am a small wedding fan, they don't seem to happen much now.

With DS1 there was little sense of involvement. Partly geographical I think but also about personalities. Was also told a hat was essential! With DS2 a sense of real involvement from the beginning if not always agreement. Hats were not required. Both weddings were what each couple wanted, beautiful and we enjoyed each day enormously. Probably best not to overthink it and just enjoy what comes.

When DS and his first wife (sadly no longer with us) got married, they wanted a very low key wedding and that is what they had, with no input from us, other than that we paid for the flowers and gave them a party in the evening. When he got married for a second time, it was a much more lavish, morning suited, affair which they planned and paid for themselves. We paid for the photographs as a wedding present. Our daughter and her partner have been together for 24 years and have seemingly no thoughts of getting married, but i imagine that if and when they do, it, too, will be a low key affair and we will not be required to do anything! It has suited me not to be involved - like lully i can't get excited about big weddings (I couldn't get excited about mine!!). If all that is required of me is to scrub up, turn up, and hold my end up, i am happy.

Don't get upset. Traditionally it's the bride's big day, so when she asks for your opinion out of politeness give it and then forget it. Enjoy the day.

Interesting topic. We paid for DD's glamorous wedding and organised it all too. The trick was to let her think she was having everything she wanted on her big day, without letting things run out of control.
Sadly DS was due to get married last year but his fiancée called the wedding off. They had arranged it all together and were paying for it themselves, although we would have gladly contributed. It is our one regret that we didn't have more involvement in the organisation, although I doubt whether it would have made any difference to the outcome.
It's good your future DiL is consulting you, so don't worry if she doesn't take any of your suggestions on board. It might only be paying lip service to you, but it's a kind gesture. Enjoy looking for your own outfit!

DD1 ... Very involved, and she wanted us to be, so arranged the whole thing more or less,
DS, not involved at all , they wanted to do it all themselves,
DD2 a bit involved,
They are all different after all.

DS - no involvement at all; it was abroad and her parents paid for everything, we just had to turn up (and we did happily offer to contribute!)
It was small and beautiful, absolutely wonderful day and it was just as they wanted it.

Our wedding was pretty much run by my parents, I had little say!

No involvement at all, except for contributing a large chunk of cash!

Was v miffed at the time, but let it silently, slide!

The day was lovely.

x

DD2 - very involved, very stressful but successful.
DS - minimal involvement but not feeling excluded. Lovely peaceful , pampering hen weekend planned. DiL's parents footing the bill so the wedding present will be a cheque equivalent to expenditure on DD2's event.
DD1 - waiting with bated breath!

I just went with the flow.
They arranged and paid for it. We made a contribution.
I did flowers and the cake - so I gave suggestions and they chose.
I went with DIL to look at dresses but that was just for fun.

DS got married abroad and all I had to do was turn up suitably dressed - I was sent instructions as to what was suitable and what was not. I did as I was told and had a lovely time.
DD was also abroad but with email help from her (no skype then) I did everything from choosing the flowers, venue, food etc. They came home 1 week before their wedding so no chance to change anything. Apparently I did well !

DS2 & DD bith got married last year & tbh I had little involvement in either, DD lives a long way away & I think DD wanted to prove she could organise something. I did the MOB stuff like helping her chose a dress & went venue hunting with her & provided advice when asked for that was it, for DS I just had to turn up on the day

I mean DS1 lives a long way away, DD lives in the next town

Both our daughters had moved out so they paid for their own weddings. We made a contribution but they saved until they could afford what they wanted.

DD1 didn't organise anything and all she did was turn up. DD2 and 1 did it all, DD1 just made choices when there some to be made. It was a beautiful wedding and exactly what she wanted. She's quite shy and didn't like the idea of being the centre of attention so it was arranged around her requirements.

DD2 was quite different. She wanted to be married abroad and compromised on the number of people that could be there . She organised every single element. It was beautiful and incredibly unique . Wouldn't have been everyone's cup of tea but we talk about it often.

We gave them some money and then left them to it. It's their wedding.

With my two boys, we mainly contributed financially apart from bridesmaid dresses for my two girls, but dh and I were living either in Indonesia or Nigeria at the time so it was hard to be involved from there.

Dd1 married three months ago and consulted me on practically everything. Not that she listened to all I had to say but we had fun with throwing around ideas and so on.

Thankfully dd2 is still a teenager so hopefully I won't need to do any more wedding planning for a while. We need to save up again, first!

DS 1 We contributed financially no other involvement.
DS 2 Again we contributed financially no other involvement... Invited to look at wedding dresses with bride to be
DS 3 We paid for everything ... No involvement at all in anything. They are now divorced. Her decision to move onto another relationship ( and baby ) Two years on and feel sad sometimes as I liked her and we got on really well.
As I had a quiet wedding myself and not having daughters I would have loved to be more involved. That said its their life and just glad to be part of it ( and our 6 grandchildren)smile