toddler tantrums

Honestly ethelshe won't stop loving you if you are firmer about meals. It comes under the heading of "This is how we do it in Granny's house". Make something she normally likes and if she doesn't eat it take it away without any big fuss. Perhaps offer a piece of fruit instead but don't go any further than that.

Do you think she's actually getting rather tired now she's going to nursery? Being overtired does encourage bad behaviour. Perhaps she could do with a nap rather than a meal.

Meal times and bedtimes are the major opportunities for a toddler - and older children - to exert control over adults. I think it was in my Dr Spock book that I read that no child will ever voluntarily starve itself and have found that this is true. If a child refuses to eat what you put in front of her, take it away, but don't let her get down from the table and don't let her bring toys or books to the table at mealtimes: best if you have your meal at the same time so that she can see that this is the case. When they're older they will try to smuggle phones and tablets to the table, so if they learn at an early age that the table is for food, they may not be so anti-social later on.

Harden your heart Ethelbags! Small children soon learn how to manipulate those who love them so dearly!

Up to now Ive solved everything with a cuddle but she now pushes me away, I respect this but I still want to be 'loving gran'. Im at my wits end.
btw, DD said tonight out of the little ones hearing that she would give her something before bed, she has since reported that shes off to bed and fast asleep. (big sigh of relief).

At the moment, my two will often not eat any cooked vegetables with their dinner. However, I've discovered that they will happily eat lots of them still raw, before the meal is ready so I let them have as much as they want at this stage (they seem to think it is a treat!), then just put a little bit of cooked veg on their plates and pretend not to notice if they don't eat it.

Just wait until she's 7 and Knows Everything!

Try not to worry Ethel this sounds like classic toddler muscle flexing,I think your daughter is quite right.If she learns to wrap adults round her little finger she would grow up a spoilt brat, it needs nipping in the bud!Children that age don't allow themselves to starve.

I will accept that they don't like certain foods, but that can vary from day to day!
And sometimes they can go off their food, perhaps if they are sickening for something and you don't realise at the time.
I have noticed that they will go through phases of eating well then picking at their food - usually eating well precedes a growth spurt.
And often an adult can over-estimate the appetite of a small child.

Sometimes they like bits and pieces of healthy food laid out in the middle of the table so that they can help themselves instead of food put on the plate for them (grated cheese, ham, chopped peppers, cucumber, small tomatoes cut in half, grapes - cut in half! etc).

When my own children were little, my reaction would have been exactly the same as your daughter's.

It's not quite as easy as a grandparent, I agree, but I still won't let me DGC (3 and 4.6) dictate to me what they eat. Obviously, I won't try to make them eat something that they quite clearly find repulsive, but when they only pick at something that they have eaten on other occasions, there is no way that I am going to offer them an alternative. The DGDs have tried it on with me a lot over the last year or so but now know that there's what I've made them or nothing! If they decide that it's going to be nothing, I know that they weren't hungry enough for it to matter! I honestly don't think that they are going to love me any the less for being 'strict', as long as I'm consistent too and they know the rules.

When my DC were small, DS had a very good appetite (always and still has!). However, the little girl next door would eat nothing - apparently. If she didn't eat her breakfast then her mum would give her a bag of crisps at 10.30 because she worried she had had nothing. Then, of course, she wouldn't eat her lunch and so on.
She asked if the little girl could come in and have lunch with my DS and, if she saw him eating, she might eat too. I did say, don't give her anything in between meals except fruit and a drink. I don't think she ever ate much, but grew up fine (she is a headmistress now).

It sounds as if your DGD knows full well how to 'press everyone's buttons', however, I don't think she should go to bed without anything, even a bowl of her favourite cereal and milk, or bread and butter and a drink of milk.
I would feed her her favourite (healthy) meal every day for the time being (does she like spaghetti bolognaise?) until she got sick of it and wanted something different.

If she screamed for an hour that's probably why she ended up coughing. Ignore tantrums, just keep an eye on her to make sure she is safe! The twos and threes can be a trying time, but it's no good punishing them for having a tantrum, they are just expressing their frustration and can't articulate how they are feeling.

I thought it was good to give them attention, I encourage her to dance and sing to us and we clap and praise her, this is to boost her self esteem.

Is this not enough that she has to get more attention by not eating.
Im so upset, she ahs been worse since starting nursery which she loves.

Oh dear.

Children love attention, and learn very quickly that eating ( or rather, not eating) is a great way to get it.

Trust me, she will not starve. Put down one meal, if she doesn't eat it, remove it without comment.

It sounds like she is very much in control!